November 4th, 2013 by Jess Downey
When Your Significant Other Moves In
My fiancé and I just moved in together. And while it’s definitely a really exciting time for us, it also presented some challenges. Instead of finding a new place that we would both move into. We decided it was better to just have him move into my place. I had a two bedroom at a fairly decent price so the extra room (and storage) seemed like a brilliant idea to both of us. The problem though? Making it feel like his home, or I guess our home, instead of just mine. It’s been my apartment for over two years. Even though he’s hung out for days at a time, the space was still mine and it was my home. And I think we can all agree that no matter how hospitable someone’s home is it still is hard to make it feel like your home. So, here are a few tips to help feel your significant other feel less like he/she’s invading your space and more like you’re building a home together.
Strip the word my (and mine) out of your vocab
For the entire duration of our relationship, it’s always been my bedroom, my kitchen, my bathroom, and so on. This is probably one of the most detrimental things to this situation. Nothing sends a message that this is your territory better than screaming “Mine! Mine! Mine!” and that’s a little harsh when you’re building a home together. And the thing is, I don’t really mean it’s all mine; it’s just a habit since that’s what it’s been. So I’ve been working on replacing everything with our – it’s our room and our kitchen.
My fiancé and I actually went to IKEA and loaded up the cart. There were lots of things we needed so it seemed like the smarter choice. But even if you don’t buy new furniture, do some little things to make it feel like his space too. You can paint a room with a color you chose together. Or hang some art work from his place. Buy a new shower curtain. Or just move around the things that you already own. You get the idea. Just do a few things so it looks less like your space.
Make room for his stuff (in every room)
I’m not saying he has to totally take the place over. But if you’re just shoving everything he owns into the extra bedroom or closet that kind of looks like he’s a guest in your place. And that’s exactly how he’ll feel. So be sure you’re making room in the other rooms of the house or apartment.
Go through your stuff too
Just because he/she’s the one moving doesn’t mean he/she’s the only one who needs to reorganize/get rid of some stuff. Take some time to go through your things too. Maybe you have some clothes or books you don’t like anymore. You might also be able to put some things in storage or just store them differently around the apartment.
Get his/her input (if he/she wants to give it)
You might have always wanted to paint the bedroom red, but that might be your significant other’s least favorite color. Or maybe you really think the couch looks good up against the left wall, but your significant other likes it better in the middle. Whatever it is, be sure that you’re not just doing what looks good or feels right to you, but also asking for his/her opinion too.
Compromise and work together
Like most things relationship related, you have to master the art of compromise. It’s especially important in your living space because you want (and need) a place that both of you want to come to. Remember, this isn’t just your place anymore. It’s your share space. Together.