9 Dating Terms You Should Know In 2019
By: Rosie Valentine |
With each year that passes, it seems like the dating world has a plethora of new dating terms for us to learn by heart, as we frantically sift through bird boxing, orbiting and cookie jarring in a game of Cards Against Humanity.
Wondering whether we have accidently sauntered into a fetish fantasy room with our eyes closed, we quickly close the door and pretend those words never existed, hoping that cookie jarring involves nothing other than eating cookies to your hearts content.
Not, like the name suggests sticking your face in a jar and hoping your claustrophobia doesn’t kick in.
Luckily cookie jarring has nothing to do with seeing how flexible you are and everything to do with getting a side piece of action waiting in the wings in case the guy you are seeing becomes the invisible man and drives off in his f**kboy-mobile.
And who could blame you for feeling confused, when the majority of dating terms are associated with popular culture references like The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones and Bird Box?
Let’s face it, I won’t be asking a zombie for dating advice anytime soon.
But have no fear, for I, the person who thought she would be living out the rest of her days with imaginary cats and dogs- and miraculously got herself a boyfriend- am here to give you the lowdown on the 9 dating terms you should know in 2019.
From Kittenfishing to Throning, get out your dictionary because it’s about to get 50 shades of cray up in here.
It’s one thing to romanticize a serial killer (see the portrayal of Ted Bundy and fan’s reaction to Penn Bagdley), but when Netflix released the post-apocalyptic thriller Birdbox, it seemed like viewers would do anything to recreate Sandra Bullock’s struggle to survive in a blindfolded world, through creating their own dangerous blindfolding craze on social media.
But, what on earth does being blindfolded and serials killers have to do with the dating term ‘bird boxing’?
Well much like the film, which sees Sandra navigate life being blindfolded, bird boxing is when someone is blind to how rubbish the person they are dating, even if the people around them hold placards outside their house, while simultaneously shouting ‘HE’S A DICKHEAD’.
What starts off as harmless behaviour like being overly attentive or being good with money quickly descends into them becoming obsessive, possessive, jealous, controlling and over-bearing, to the extent that they seek to ‘make you their property’ in every way imaginable and can turn dangerous, with traits like the terrifying Joe Goldberg and his never ending obsession with love.
Fortunately most of the time bird boxing just literally means dating a f**kboy as opposed to an abuser, but in these toxic relationships it can be difficult to know the signs, even when your loved ones are begging you to ‘leave this waste of trash behind’.
When the ‘Jekyll and Hyde’ character comes to play, we like to remember the good ol’ days when our crush could do no wrong, and he was literally a mother freaking genie that could make our dreams come true.
Unfortunately, your man is quite literally a bird box if he exhibits any of the below qualities so do yourself a favour and change your name, change your address.
In fact just move country because this guy has clearly been on a birdboxing marathon.
- Penny pinching
- Over Attentiveness
- Ego Mania
- Being The Definition Of A Fuckboy
Verdict: I never knew that you could get inspiration for dating terms from a thriller centered around blindfolds but there you go.
No I’m not telling you to get into astronomy and watch the stars, nor am I asking you to build the entire solar system.
In fact orbiting has nothing to do with the moon; and everything to do with ghosts.
Of course everyone has met a ghost in their time, after all I have lost count of the amount of people I was ‘seeing, dating or talking to’ that decided they would teleport into a dimension where I couldn’t see them.
They would sip their invisible beers, put their feet up and Netflix and chill (with themselves) because they A. were either not interested, B. wanted to date other people but did not know how to tell you, C. Were into you but only for that slice of vagine pie and D. couldn’t be bothered to make a commitment to anything other than his Xbox.
While ghosts disappear pretty quickly, an Orbiter is someone who won’t reply to any of your messages/calls or other methods of communication, but will constantly be watching your videos, Instagram Stories, Snapchats and be lurking on your other social media channels.
Whether that is when you are still ‘meant to be dating’, is an ex, or someone you went on a date with, orbiters just can’t seem to get enough of stalking your social life.
You might even have an orbiter who blocked you on Whatsapp/ Messenger but will like your photos, watch your stories and just generally be a bit of a semi ghost s**tface.
I remember going on a date with someone who was the very definition of my type but my god was he boring, it seemed like I was doing all the talking and the conversation was as dry as a camel’s anus.
But by miraculous conception, he tried to go in for the kiss, and then asked me out on a second date.
I wasn’t interested and while he tried to text me a few times after, it quickly fizzled out.
Before I knew it, his Whatsapp picture had gone grey, and I realized that I was blocked.
I wasn’t that bothered considering his version of a chat (even before the date) was ignoring me, then telling me ‘couldn’t wait to meet me’, then sending boring ass one word messages that did nothing to tickle my lady parts.
And let me tell you, my lady parts were definitely not being tickled on the date, after all being told that my ‘Tinder picture looked like my cum face’ and that I looked like I wouldn’t be good in bed was not my favourite chat up line.
His loss because I happen to know that my lady parts get all the boys a’tingling.
It’s funny because even 6 months later this guy still watches my stories. Boy bye.
Verdict: Next time I get out my telescope, I’m going to block all these damn orbiters. Thanks Dating 101 for your sage advice.
Ever been in love with a Zombie?
Haven’t we all, like the invisible man, this dude loves nothing more than playing mind f**k games and hoping that you are going to play along like an extra from Mario Bros.
The only thing I’ll be playing with tonight is myself.
But what exactly is Zombieing?
Well, unlike the ghost who disappears and never comes back, the Zombie is halfway between a ghost and an orbiter, who loves nothing more than disappearing for weeks on end and then expecting you to give him the D when he has finished shagging all the lady zombies.
Put simply the Zombie won’t stalk your stories like the orbiter but will simply just pretend that nothing has happened and he didn’t just put his balls in the freezer for two weeks.
While I mentioned in my guide to dating do’s and don’ts that I was seeing a Dutch guy who ghosted on me several times, what I didn’t mention is how he started off as a Zombie.
We were seeing each other for around three months, and in that time he ghosted me three times, the third time being the ultimatum.
For the first month the affection and messages were non-stop and then it petered off for about a week, before he came back again with some sort of lame excuse that I can’t be bothered to remember.
The second time was for three weeks, and as we had a date scheduled for the end of that month, I was pretty sure that I wouldn’t hear from him again never mind see him.
Turns out that I was wrong because three days before we were scheduled to meet he messaged apologizing, streaming a slew of bullshit that I could quite literally smell through the screen.
He told me that he had a great time in the afterlife as a f**kboy ghost but had been resurrected as a zombie to ‘essentially get his dick wet’.
By some miracle I gave him another chance and we had the most amazing weekend.
He promised he would not ghost me again, and followed me on social, liked my posts and sent me endearing messages.
After a few days we were back to square one, and he continued being a Zombie, sending me messages on and off but watching my stories.
After a week he stopped replying, but was still liking my photos, watching my stories and reading my messages, but eventually he got tired of being a zombie and turned into a full time ghost.
Do you know what is funny?
When this Zombie-Ghost realized I had unfollowed him on Instagram he unfollowed me and unliked photos he had previously liked.
Verdict: Watch Out For Zombieing, the zombies make dating terms like ghosting or breadcrumbing seem a walk in the park.
Now there is nothing more that I would love than stuffing my face into a jar full of cookies, and I’m sure that the Cookie Monster would agree.
But one thing this loveable blue cult creature wouldn’t have bargained for is being Elmo’s side piece, and that’s exactly what Cookie Jarring is, seeing someone but having a safety ‘hubby’ for extra security in case things don’t work out.
I’ll admit it, after seeing MR Invisible Man, I made sure that I was speaking to multiple guys at a time, arranging dates with different guys every week and not putting my eggs in one basket because I was well aware that none of these men were MR Right, even if I hoped they were at the time.
I was living my life, having fun and hoping that my heart wouldn’t get broken.
In between guys I had fun with or was seeing before I met my now boyfriend, I met a few guys who I liked enough to go beyond the third date club, but the truth was they just weren’t as in to me as I was into them, or the other way round, and while I didn’t date anyone else when I was ‘seeing someone’ during my dating stints, I wasn’t giving myself enough time to get to know people and was writing people off before I really knew them.
I met my boyfriend six months ago and at first I found that ‘seeing each other’ for two months before becoming official was scary, and if it was someone I had liked less, I would have definitely been into cookie jarring to protect my heart.
M, a friend now living in New York said that I needed to not think negatively that things wouldn’t work out or that it wasn’t going in the right direction and open myself up to the possibility that things could progress further.
She continued ‘you’re no longer interested in the other guys, and even if things don’t work out with him, you won’t go back to them’.
And she was right, here we are six months later very much in love and enjoying each day as it comes.
I am glad that I didn’t cookie jar him because everyone else would pale in comparison but it is true that we can close ourselves off to love because we don’t want to get hurt.
Verdict: I like cookies, but cookie jarring and cookie jarrers are dating terms that don’t fill my belly with joy.
While you might be a hungry lass like myself who likes nothing more than stashing all the Kinder Buenos and Pringles that she can find, when it comes to dating, Stashing refers to being someone’s guilty secret with no introductions to friends and family.
Unluckily for me I have dated or have been seeing ‘many people’ who had appeared to have been ashamed of me, which let’s be honest makes you feel like crap.
I remember going on a few dates with this guy who although my type, seemed to just want to f**k me in private and pretend like I was an invisible ghost in public.
The sex was good, granted, but there is no bigger turn off than being someone’s stash, especially if they are acting like you are the one that is punching, and they are ‘the one that is out of your league’.
Not only would I have to meet them ‘after hours’ but they would say they would ‘do things with me in public’ only to change their mind at the last second just so they had coerced me into being their late night booty call, make promises that we would do ‘cutesey date stuff’ and then kick me out at the first chance possible, and do everything possible to avoid being seen in public with me.
I remember them literally running out the door on our first date, without much explanation, although they did later apologise about it, and turned up pissed to our second date and wanting me to just hop into bed with them when we actually had a drinks date planned.
Then when we were meant to have breakfast and lunch together he asked quite abruptly asked when I would be leaving and offered to give me a 50p coin to go and buy myself a vegan sausage roll.
I mean wow what a gentleman.
I didn’t realize that I was so heinous that people didn’t want to be seen in public with me but there you go.
Verdict: The only stashing I like is food. Get on your bike mate, this oven is closed.
I wish I wasn’t part of the TV series Most Haunted but unfortunately when it comes to dating I have met a few ‘haunters’ in my time.
Like the orbiter who will stalk your stories, a haunter will also spy on you on social media without making direct contact.
Except unlike an orbiter who will actively like and comment on photos but won’t reply to messages and unlike a Zombie who will ghost you and then return from the dead, a haunter will ‘passively interact’ with your social content by just reading your messages, viewing your videos, and watching your stories.
But as they are a ghost, they have no fingers so have no strength to physically engage with your content.
To be honest I have quite a few of these haunters who seem to watch every story that I post, ranging from people I went on dates with two years ago to people I went on dates with before I met my boyfriend.
While I don’t mind the people who were actually nice to me haunting my content, what does bemuse me is the f**kboys who would treat me like s**t and then when I stopped chasing them, became thirsty and obsessed with every single god damn thing I posted.
I remembered this guy who I actually only went on two dates with, although there was meant to be a third but who ‘stretched things out between us’ for several months, making promises, false excuses and then being passive aggressive with me if I got annoyed, not taking full responsibility for their actions.
They never saw that they were in the wrong and did not treat me appropriately in the bedroom, emotionally or cared about my mental wellbeing and was very much an egomaniac with a bulls**tting complex.
Good thing he wasn’t Pinocchio or his nose would have been 10 ft long.
Anyhow long story short, he turned into a zombie and after ghosting me pretended like nothing happened, but couldn’t handle the same treatment when I started ignoring his messages, because by that point I was seeing someone else and didn’t have the time to wait for 35 year old boys who act like children.
He still haunts me to this day, which I find quite funny considering that I have posted pictures and stories with my boyfriend.
He tried adding me on FB and tried sending me messages but I blocked him and was like bye Felicia, not interested.
Verdict: I’m scared of ghosts and haunters are no exception.
While fishing for kitties sounds pretty cute, Kitten Fishing, the younger feline friend of the Catfish is not so rad.
Coined by dating app Hinge, Kittenfishing is the ‘light version’ of Catfishing, when someone pretends to be a completely different person online.
However unlike a Catfish who quite literally constructs a new identity online that they use as their dating profiles, a Kittenfish tactic could be something as simple as using a profile photo on a dating app that is a few years old and they now look different, or is heavily edited whether that be through Facetune, excessive filtering or small white lies about who they are.
While it can be a harmless way to promote yourself to potential dates (and let’s face it we have all used a filter, that is perfectly natural) what isn’t so good is drastically altering your appearance to make yourself look different to how you actually look in person.
This could be making it look like you have a J-Lo ass when you have a cute little peach, making yourself look a lot slimmer or curvier than you actually do or changing the way you look facially to the point that it looks like you have had surgery even if you haven’t.
Other ways that kitties go fishing is through little white lies that can be as simple as saying you like meat when you are actually a vegetarian or something more drastic like saying you saved someone’s life when in actuality you are allergic to people in general.
Not all heroes wear capes true, but you don’t need to lie to impress someone.
If they don’t like you for who you are then they can just f**k off and suck their own dick tonight.
Verdict: thanks to Jasmine, my alter ego, who compiled this nifty dating terms guide, I now know what Kittenfishing is and my life feels complete.
Never change who you are to please someone else.
God how I hate cockroaches, in fact bugs in general make my skin crawl and the art of roaching is no exception.
After all I don’t know about you, but a roach is the worst kind of f**kboy that you could date.
Roaching is when you are dating someone or even seeing someone exclusively who is hiding the fact that they have been dating other people.
When you confront them about it in an epic showdown, they are super blasé and claim that they didn’t know you were in a monogamous relationship.
In my case I have mostly seen people who I was meant to be dating exclusively only to find out that they had a whole harem of side chicks that they were banging, when they were meant to be banging you.
I mean there was that time when I was seeing someone for a month, before dating them, and during the course of us dating exclusively, he cheated on me with five different girls, one of which was a best friend at the time- not any more doh- later claiming that ‘it wasn’t his fault’ and that he was ‘high on magic mushrooms’.
Technically while he did cheat on me, this was also an example of roaching because he was using an excuse so that he didn’t have to take the blame for being the guy who was dating several girls at the same time while we were in a monogamous relationship.
Safe to say that boy’s ass was handed to him on a plate.
The most awkward thing was that we worked together, and let me tell you there is nothing more awkward than working 12 hour shifts with the guy who liked to bang your mates and claim he hadn’t cheated on you.
Not today Satan, not today.
Verdict: Roaches make my skin crawl. Cheaters make my fanny close up.
As much as I would love to say that Throning is related to becoming the Ruler of The Seven Kingdoms, Throning is actually when you date someone to boost your own reputation or status whether that be someone who is a celebrity, is wealthy, is culturally prolific or anything else that can make you the biggest Queen of them all.
While I have never dated someone to further my own status I know a few people who have done it in the past and listed it as one of their biggest dating regrets to date because it wasn’t like them to date someone for the ‘sake of it’.
Someone who I know, let’s call them M, (and they have given me permission to use their story) said that they joined a Sugar Daddy Site because they were a broke student and needed money to pay their bills as their student loan wouldn’t cover their fees.
She was showered with presents, gifts and money and in turn given a huge sum of money to fund her own career, which she later felt guilty about as she said it felt like dirty money, and the Sugar Daddy later became possessive about her ‘throning’.
He felt like he owned her, which is obviously a horrible way to view someone.
I actually felt very sorry for M, because her throning was not out of malice or bad intentions but as a way to forge a better life for herself which I fully respected and understood.
Granted it was not a path I would have chosen but I knew that she was not a nasty person, nor was she a gold digger as people called her.
Rather someone who needed a little helping hand to get a step up in life.
Verdicts: Before asking Google to give me a dollop of f**kboys with a side order of dating terms I thought Throning was all about Game of Thrones.
Have You Come Across These 9 Dating Terms Before?
Oh what innocents we are.
About The Author
Part Time Mermaid and Unicorn at Weekends, Ana De Jesus is a Multi-Award Winning Lifestyle Blogger over at Faded Spring who is as colourful as her name suggests.
Skilled in Copywriting, Editing, Journalism, and Blogging, Ana started her blog in 2015 after graduating with a BA in English Literature, English Language and Education and Social Sciences from ST Mary’s University.
With a wide variety of articles on dating and relationships, food and drink, travel, fashion and mental health, Ana’s blog has something for everyone.
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