10 Of the Worst Things I’ve Ever Seen in an Online Dating Profile

Photo courtesy of  Tree Leaf Clover (Flickr)
Photo courtesy of Tree Leaf Clover (Flickr)

Before becoming engaged, I dated online for far too many years. So I think it’s safe to say I looked at more than my fair share of profiles. And every time I saw someone commit a huge online dating felony it made my skin crawl a little. Actually, sometimes I would keep random lists of the crazy things people would say. I know that sounds really bad. Don’t judge. Anyway. The other day I was looking through old files and I found one of those lists. So to help save the online dating world, I felt compelled to share them. Here are ten of the worst things I’ve seen in an online dating profile. Don’t ever (I mean ever) use any of them.

(These are phrases that I took from actual profiles. I swear I couldn’t make this stuff up. Please forgive me for all the errors).

  1. “I am extremely fond of BBW’s. I think they are the most genuine of all females–the way they carry themselves, the slight jiggle of their breasts, their sensuousness and that look I get when I see them out and about.”
  2. “i’m really good at maintaining my erections for an hour or more. j/k, i’m very good at figuring out what i want and knowing what steps to take to get it. i’m also a good martial artist!”
  3.  “This is as real as it get’s that’s why I aintnaother Translated=aint no otha like me”
  4.  “I hope miss right let me prove it to her I’m not a liar and I do not cheat what you do in the bed can make you smile or make you die so I don’t cheat lol”
  5.  “I promise our conversation will be more interesting than this paragraph  ”
  6.  “I am lay back but not to lay back”
  7.  “I like women with fat round butts. true, but thats not all i think about. i’m constantly thinking of how to improve mentally and physically.”
  8. “You probably should write me first—it indicates some interest and tells me that you are assertive, and there is not too much ambiguity.”
  9.  “You want someone fun to talk to and you don’t have a wang  ”
  10.  “For one, I’m NOT a douchebag. I think you know the type I’m referring too. The type of guy who think he deserves your love (or body) just because he is good looking.”

What’s the worst you’ve seen?

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4 responses to “10 Of the Worst Things I’ve Ever Seen in an Online Dating Profile”

  1. ichrak Avatar


  2. Aaron Avatar

    lol, some people have no clue

  3. ChanellG Avatar

    The worst thing I ever saw on an online dating profile was in the space where you answer “I”m really good at,” the guy put, and I quote, “EATING P***Y.”

    1. Elizabeth Marie Avatar

      Oh wow…yes, that would definitely be filed under WORST! 🙂

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