An Interview With International Dating and Relationship Expert Lucia

By: Rosie Valentine |

Online Dating

Recently, I had the privilege of asking world renowned dating and relationship expert Lucia some questions about dating, love and the number one mistake most women make with men. Lucia is a television and radio host, author of Lucia’s Lessons of Love and a syndicated columnist. She has been featured on over 100 national and international radio and TV shows such as Dr. Phil, The Tyra Banks Show, Playboy Radio and Cosmo Radio.

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So yes, when I said that she is an expert I meant it! Check out Lucia’s answers to my questions below, and stop by her site, The Art of Love, for more dating and love advice.

1. What is the number one mistake most women make with men?

I believe the number one mistake women make with men is giving too much. This includes phone calls, texts, offering to do his laundry when they’re dating, offering help with anything when he hasn’t asked for it, unsolicited advice, etc. When a woman does these things, she is being pro-active and is coming from her masculine side. She’s either chasing or trying to “win” his love.

The problem is that a masculine man can’t fall in love with a woman who is giving more than he is, no matter how beautiful she is, because she is stepping on his territory and it doesn’t feel good. Women need to understand they don’t have to earn or win a man’s love. If he’s interested, he’ll give it freely.

2. How important is sex in a relationship?

It depends on the two people involved. As long as they have the same sex drive, then it doesn’t matter if it’s only once a week or every day. On the other hand, if they are unevenly matched, then it becomes an issue. It’s been said that it’s only about 10% of a relationship, but it’s an important 10%. However, to the person who feels they aren’t getting enough, it suddenly becomes 90%!

3. In your expert opinion, is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time?

If we go by the definition of romantic attraction which anthropologist and author of “Why We Love”, Dr. Helen Fisher gives, as “obsessive thinking and focused attention” ,then the answer would be no, as you can only be focused on one person at a time. There’s a quote attributed to Johnny Depp, which says, “If you love two people at the same time, choose the second, because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.” I would have to agree with that.

4. What is your advice to single women who are frustrated with the dating scene?

To quote the Demi Lovato song, “Give your heart a break”. If you’re feeling burned out and frustrated, just stop dating and focus on other parts of your life, for as long as it takes to start to feel good about dating again. In the meantime, look for reading material that may be helpful to you to see what part you’re playing in your dating life that is leading to your frustration. Otherwise, there’s no point in taking a break if you’re going to continue to do the same things and react the same way once you start dating again.

5. Does love find you, or do you find it?

The law of attraction says “like attracts like”. If you’re focused on love, even in the general sense – loving a sunset, the feeling of a warm, evening breeze, the feeling of satin against your skin, the smile of a child – you’ll be in the vibration of love, and it will find you. If however, you focus on the negative in life more than the positive, even if you manage to find love, it will not stay, as it’s not a vibrational match.

6. Why do men stop calling?

There could be so many reasons for this. Many times it’s because they don’t feel as if they are winning or that there is the possibility of winning with a particular woman. They do not want to fail, so they prefer to leave. If a man stops calling, a woman has two options. One is to let it be and move on. Often when a woman does this, a man will reach out again at some point. Otherwise, the second option is to contact him, feel him out and see if he’s willing to talk. It is possible that there was some type of misunderstanding and this will clear it up.

7. Women can make the first move-yes or no?

It depends what you mean by “first move.” She can certainly signal that she’s interested with a look and a smile, or, depending on the situation, begin talking to him. She can ask a question, or even ask for his help with something simple and easy. After that, it’s up to him. If he’s interested, he knows what to do. If you mean asking a guy out, I don’t generally recommend it. Guys may say they love it when a woman asks them out, but if they were genuinely interested, they’d be doing the asking.