A Men’s Guide to Dating Again After a Breakup
By: Rosie Valentine |
Dating again after having been through a breakup can be a daunting task. You might not know where to begin, how to behave and – most importantly – how to enjoy yourself. But ultimately, that’s what dating should be for you: an enjoyable experience. So how can you best prepare yourself, and when are you really ready? I hope to answer some of those questions in this article.
When Are You Ready?
Some guys experience a knee-jerk reaction after a breakup and start dating again immediately. I would advise strongly against this. You see, a breakup is an emotional wound, and – like a flesh wound – it needs both time and care to heal. One doesn’t send an injured athlete back into the field until he has fully recovered. Dating should be treated in a similar manner. You want to give yourself the chance to reflect on your breakup, process your emotions and become a wiser man because of it – before you step into the dating arena again.
How do you know that’s the case? Well, you are the only one that can provide that answer. Some tell tale signs you are not over your breakup, however, are:
- You think about your ex on a daily basis.
- Seeing your ex, or the thought of seeing her elicits an emotional reaction in you (anxiety, anger).
- Imagining your ex being intimate with someone else elicits an emotional reaction in you.
- You still want closure or validation from you ex.
So take a moment and analyze your motivation for a second. Do you want to start dating again for extrinsic reasons such as: wanting to show your ex you’re over her, or, wanting to speed up your recovery? If so – your time is better spent reflecting on yourself and your relationship. If that’s you, it’s time to discover how to get over a breakup for men.
I’m Ready – How Does This Work Again?
Okay, now that you’ve determined that you’re definitely ready to ‘get back in there’ what is some good advice? Well, there’s really only one thing you should keep in mind.
Dating has to be fun for you, for it to work.
You see, there’s no point in ‘forcing’ yourself to date. If you’re not enjoying yourself, others aren’t going to enjoy your company. So you need to figure out a way to make dating enjoyable. It is only when you are enjoying yourself that you will be conveying your true personality and its most attractive traits. After all, people that are enjoying themselves come across as confident and fun to be around. So find a way to approach dating that makes it an enjoyable experience for you. That being said; don’t be afraid to tread outside of your comfort zone.
Beware of a Small Comfort Zone
After a breakup it’s natural for your confidence to have gotten a blow. You might experience feelings of rejection or self-doubt and this can cause your comfort zone to shrink. Being social and mingling with people might make you anxious right now, and that’s perfectly okay and understandable. You might be over your ex but your comfort zone has become smaller.
This is in fact a great opportunity to get past those feelings. The feelings of anxiety you’re experiencing are mere growing pains. You will be become a better man by facing them. So next time you experience anxiousness, recognize the feeling as such, and go out and do the exact thing that makes you anxious. If you get into the habit of facing these little fears, you will continuously be expanding your comfort zone, growing your confidence and growing as a person.