4 Unexpected Pleasures of Being Gay and Single on Valentine’s Day
By: Rosie Valentine |
Is it really so bad to be a single gay man on Valentine’s Day? Well… no, it’s really not, but since society attempts to ram the idea of love and coupledom down our throats around this day, it’s enough to make you want to vomit… and let’s face it – most gay men have an excellent gag reflex. There are a few different ways that a gay single man might approach Valentine’s Day. You might not buy into it at all, and it can be just another day (where it might be difficult to get a restaurant booking). It can also be a day where you are painfully reminded of the fact that you’re single, and the fear beings to set in – you can wonder if it will always be this way. It won’t, obviously, but it’s perfectly reasonable to feel a bit unsettled around this time of year if you don’t have a special someone. If you want to celebrate Valentine’s Day but find yourself without a man in your life, not to worry. We’ve got a few tremendous ways to turn Valentine’s Day into a gay man’s party for one…
1. A Date for One
Enjoying your own company is a vital skill for adults, one that many people seem unable to master. So why not take yourself out on a date? Treat yourself to dinner at a nice restaurant. Maybe you won’t have company, but who cares? Appreciate the food, and you can bring a book if you want to have some intellectual stimulation. You might worry that people will watch you, and judge you, but they’re unlikely to. Even if they do – screw it! The only thing they probably read for pleasure are the two sentence descriptions of internet porn videos. Make a night of it – go and see a movie as well. If you’re not used to doing this alone, you might find it to be a truly pleasurable experience, one that allows you to truly concentrate on the film. After a fun solo evening, take yourself home and take advantage of yourself with a delightfully prolonged masturbation session. Be sure to use fancy lotion… because you’re worth it!
2. A “Boyfriend” for the Night
It can be a little silly to actually try and find a boyfriend for Valentine’s Day, but you might be able to find a reasonable simulation of one. Go out partying, and go alone. Flying solo might make you more willing to talk to people, and not being surrounded by a group of friends will make other guys more willing to speak to you. Take your sweet time getting ready, and make yourself pretty. Wear that new shirt that squashes your burgeoning man boobs into pecs and hit the club. Drink, dance, and don’t give a damn about the fact that you’re alone. You might meet someone for the night, and who knows – a drunken one night stand might be the start of something beautiful. Just don’t get so drunk that you wake up next to the broad hairy back of a stranger, covered in claw marks.
3. The VIP Club (AKA Drinking Alone)
Perhaps you don’t feel comfortable in leaving the house on Valentine’s Day and having a solo night out, since this really does emphasize your single status. Without being depressive, it’s perfectly OK to have a night in and shut yourself away from the world. Order food (a lot of food) and turn your phone off. Binge watch crap TV – as much as you want. Just one more episode? Screw that… what about another 5 episodes? This night is for you. Maybe don’t spend the whole night watching TV, since there’s no reason why you can’t party despite the fact that you’re alone. This is not something we suggest you do on a regular basis, but trust us – drinking doesn’t have to be a social activity. Drink a bottle (or five) of your favourite drunkenness-inducing beverage and listen to crappy pop songs. Dance your ass off in the privacy of your own living room… If you turn the lights down and squint your eyes, it’s like being at a VIP club.
4. Die, Valentine’s Day, Die!
If you truly, truly hate Valentine’s Day and don’t want other gay men to enjoy it either, then you have the option of being a total sociopath about it. You could justify your behaviour by saying it’s a denouncement of the garish societal expectations regarding the discourse for expression of affection, but really, you’re just being a bitch. Go to your local gay bar and look for an annoyingly cute couple. Wait by the bar, and then when one of them comes to buy drinks, engage him in conversation. Just ask him for the time, or pretend to think he’s the friend of the friend. Wait for him to reply, and then (loud enough for his date to hear), shout “No, I won’t have sex with you in the bathroom!” and then storm out. Next, go to another gay bar and look for another annoyingly cute couple. Go up to their table and say to one of them, “Sorry to intrude – but I just wanted to say I recognise you from your online videos and they’re really, really hot.” Smile and leave before he has a chance to dispute your statement. OK, so maybe you won’t do any of these things, but it can be fun to imagine.
There’s no need to fret if you’re single on Valentine’s Day, and you can have a perfectly good time all by your awesome self. Sometimes the gay clichés can be a little annoying, but Valentine’s Day is the one day of the year where single gay men need to look in the mirror and acknowledge their own fabulousness. Whether you snap your fingers and say, “Mmmm yeah girlfriend” is entirely at your discretion.