How To Spot an Online Dating Player

In person, it’s fairly easy to spot a player.  The smooth operator at the club, the guy who has impeccable style and oozes confidence when he asks for your number…players generally abide by a certain m.o.  Online it’s a different story.  If you can’t see him, how can you tell if you’re being played?

He’s Always Online-Every time you log on, there he is! Middle of the night, early in the morning, all day during work hours… It could just be a coincidence, or he could be camping out online in an attempt to meet as many women as possible.  Online  players love attention, so why would they want to chat with one girl if they could be talking to six or seven? It’s all a numbers game to him, and he’s in it to win it!

He Writes Form Emails-Have you ever received an email that just seems too perfectly composed with 3-4 paragraphs listing his likes and dislikes, hopes and dreams?  The whole thing seems so fake…probably because it is.  He wrote it once, sent it hundreds of times. I received an email like this once and promptly shot off an annoyed “Wow, that was original” response.  The guy in question emailed me again and said he didn’t have time to write out personalized emails to girls online.  So, he was telling me I wasn’t worth a personalized email yet he still wanted my number?  No thanks…I’ll wait for a guy who can write an email to me, not to the masses.

His Profile Is Perfect-Perfectly witty, intelligent, with perfectly composed photos and a silly, yet charming headline.  Most guys I know have absolutely no clue what the hell to say in their online dating profile, so when I see a profile that is too perfect and contrived, I just have to raise a red flag.  No, a guy shouldn’t be punished for being well spoken and eloquent, but it begs the question-what is he trying to prove?

He Never Wants To Meet (In real life)-Getting an online player to step away from his macbook and hang out in the real world is next to impossible.  Why would he want to put himself out there, when he’s safe in his internet playin bubble.  It all goes back to attention-players crave it, and if he can get it from the comfort of his own home, he’s not going to meet you.  Plus, he’s not in it for a real life connection or relationship.  He just needs a little ego boost, and he’s perfectly ok with keeping it virtual.

He Comes on Too Strong-Flirting is fun, but if a guy seems like he’s telling you what you want to hear in order to get something from you, well…he probably is! Too much, too soon is a huge indication that he isn’t being genuine-he knows what to say and how to say it, because his lines have worked on multiple women before you. He expects you to respond a certain way (flattered and falling for him), that he barely has to put any effort into his sweet text messages or witty emails. Well, not this time!

10 responses to “How To Spot an Online Dating Player”

  1. Perfect Girls Avatar

    It’s not that hard… If he wants a lot of pictures of you and if he wants you on the webcam all the time.. Than he cares to much about your body…

  2. Jenia Avatar

    Players or cheaters are there in both the worlds, real and online. But the twist is in identifying them!In the online world of dating, its not possible to see the other person in real. So, the real motive is hidden. Therefore, playing on dating sites needs to be too cautiously done, may be being double cautious than in real life will work. I think that it is not wise to fall too deep in to the tangles of a love relation in the early stage of dating itself.

  3. DeDe Avatar

    People, if it sounds to good to be true it is! No matter how cute, fun, intelligent, athletic, etc. the person is, if their actions and words are not congruent – they are not in “it” except to play with your emotions. I truly believe some people get off on knowing they have complete control over another person. And I’ve met a few over the years.

    The most difficult thing with online dating is that you really DO NOT know who you are talking to until you meet and spend a substantial amount of time together.

    Sure RED FLAGS can be flying in your face but if your hormones are out of whack from the chemicals being released – you miss them.

    If you are a rescuer (which they tend to flock to), the kinder and more understanding you are – the crazier their actions will become.

    Everyone can and will tell you to RUN, you will question your own judgement because sometimes it just feels “so good” to be in their arms, or receive their compliments, but the truth is they DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU and never will. They will NOT CHANGE. However, you will.

  4. Lesson Learned Avatar
    Lesson Learned

    I’ve met a few online dating players and no longer bother trying to meet a decent guy via the internet. DeDe is right on about how the more understanding you are the crazier they become. They also seem to target women in a caring field (teachers, health care, etc.) The strangest thing is that they get to a point where they actually seem to believe their behavior is appropriate and appear to believe their own lies even when confronted with the undeniable truth. It’s as if the cyber-dating world has somehow created this make-believe fantasy land for them to act as inappropriately as they like. I’ve had guys tell be that they’ve never felt about anyone the way they feel for me, discuss wanting to have children and getting married, and it’s nothing more than part of their act. In both cases – after telling me such things – they were back to being logged in to the online sites seeking out other partners the very next day and on to the next. They see nothing wrong with their insincerity and false words. One was even working at least two different dating sites at once. Thank god I never met up with either of them in person! It’s just not worth it since you can’t argue crazy… In retrospect I feel that both of them may have suffered from narcissistic personality disorder…

    1. elizabeth Avatar

      Hi there!
      Thanks for your comment! I think you touch on some common problems with online dating-it’s so easy for people to say whatever they want from behind a computer screen, and you do have to have a great b.s meter to see through it all. But, speaking from experience, not all guys who use online dating are doing it to play women. There are some genuine guys in the bunch, unfortunately the bad apples get the most attention.

  5. lana Avatar

    I too have met and dealt with a player he comes on strong, many emails in a day. When you meet him, he never takes you out wants to come to your place with talk drinks and laughs as a purpose..he wants you to dress in mini skirts,high heels and stockings and sexy lingerie…he targets new users, always, as he takes advantage of women that are naive,newly separated.He plays that he is jealous of you so you believe he is into you.while he spends hrs on line or texting so that you do not see what he is up to…doesn’t see you weekends can never stay over night and many times its because he has a wife at home..when you start to get close..he ignores you gradually.. as he has others in the works..he is a control freak and will blame you for dating others even if you are not…this is his way out..he will dump you with no explanation at all..sad but true ..these guys are dangerous watch for the red flags.

  6. lana Avatar

    Rarely these players will use protection during sex..its beneath they will get your personal info on line.. such as when was the last time you were with someone and if its been a while he feels safe with you this is why they seek out new users on line.. they are smooth cunning, caring,telling you they havent been with anyone in years..its all part of the mean nothing to it is all about them… ego booster,control and self satisfaction..sad but true.

  7. angie Avatar

    when they come on first right away . they have false future plans in the first day they are talking to you . .the they pull away

  8. sbr Avatar


    I am new to this online dating site. Was depressed over a break up and ended up on a dating site looking for my ex. I met some guy there, who was very charming. He made me leave the dating site saying its bad and that we could chat using personal id’s. When I refused to give mine, he even created a gchat id for me. We chatted for ours. I felt very attracted to him. He seemed very caring, funny and we seemed to connect so well…. we shared a lot of interests… although there were sexual contents, they were never explicit and I ignored them.

    He was very romantic and pursued me to the point I fell for him. we never met, but even though we chatted for hours and exchanged mobile phones, we talked over the phone only twice…A lot of stuff happened in my personal life after that which were personally distressing to me…however, during these tough times, he was not around much.. and slowly reduced his time chatting and now has completely stopped all contact with me…when I asked, he said he was busy with work etc… I just don’t know what happened… Was something wrong with me, like I was boring etc?

    what do you guys suggest?

  9. Art Avatar

    How I’ve busted a few players:

    Search for them on multiple online dating sites. Just because they are dating you and have removed their profile on the site where the two of you met does not mean they are not active on other sites. Also see how active they are on Skype.

    View their facebook page and see who else they have recently added, posts they are liking, and commenting on, and who is liking and commenting on their posts. It all goes down on facebook. This can save you a lot of wasted time and heartache.

    If they cancel a date on you at the last minute chances are their “A List” date trumped you and you’ve been bounced. If Plan A doesn’t work out for them, they will Plan B you with a rain check.

    If you go on a date with them and they are logged back into the dating site asap – you are most likely an option and not a choice. They are lining up their next date with someone else.

    Hope this helps.

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