August 13th, 2013 by Simone Paget
10 Signs You’re Dating A Social Media Addict
Years ago, I dated a guy a guy who would immediately jump out of bed after sex to check his email. At the time I thought his behaviour was obsessive, anti-social and very un-sexy. However given the statistic above, it now seems like small peanuts in comparison. Now that social media is everywhere and integrated into almost every aspect of our daily lives, there there are so many more ways to alienate the people you’re dating.
Here’s 12 obvious signs that you’re dating a social media addict:
1. When they text you to make plans, their messages include hashtags:
“What are you up to tonight? #FridayNight #DateNight #ILikeYou #WatchingGameOfThrones
2. You have this following conversation during dinner:
Them: “How was your day at work?”
You: “Not too good, I’m pretty sure I’m going to get fired.”
Them: “HAHA, oh my god, that’s hilarious!!”
You: “Excuse me?”
Them: “Oh sorry, I was just laughing at this video @MonsterMan999 posted on Twitter of a bunch of Muppets twerking. What were you saying?”
3. They tell you, “I think we need to talk. I’ve noticed you never “like” any of the things I post on Facebook or Instagram.”
4. You’re wearing your sexiest lingerie (or boxer shorts, or what have you) and they’re standing next to you reading other people’s Facebook statuses out loud:
“Oh my god, did you see Barry’s status update about eating cheesecake while watching Breaking Bad? HILARIOUS!”
5. This is because the person you’re dating needs to check their Facebook, Twitter, Text Messages and Instagram immediately before, after and sometimes even during sex. It’s gotten to the point where last week you caught them checking their email with a condom still on. When you confront them, they respond:
“Sorry, it’s just that Casey and I are sharing theories about Pretty Little Liars. You understand right?”
6. They get really pissed off that you won’t let them list your bedroom as a check-in point on Foursquare….or even worse, your vagina.
7. The show “Sister Wives” starts to seem strangely relatable because it feels like you’re in a polyamorous relationship with the person you’re dating, their iPhone, their MacBook and their two iPads.
8. During a heart to heart chat, the person you’re dating says to you: “I’m having real doubts about our relationship. My Klout score has gone to crap since we started hanging out.”
9. All of your dates start to remind you of that scene from Portlandia where Fred gets stuck in a “technology loop.”
(“I just need to send one more text!”)
10. You consider staging an intervention, but it’s too late – they’ve posted a break-up video to Vine. You don’t have Vine, but luckily it was cc’ed to Twitter and Facebook.