November 10th, 2010 by Elizabeth Marie

What To Do When He Pulls Away

In talking to some girl friends lately, we all seem to be dealing with the same problem. We’ve met great guys! Everything is going so well, you’re excited to give this a shot until…he slowly starts to pull away and you don’t know why. You’re confused, sad and angry, and aren’t sure how to react.

What To Do When He Pulls Away

1. Take a step back. Not in a “game playing” way, but in a way that allows you to see the situation for what it really is. Were there signs along the way that maybe he wasn’t as into it as you, or did he ever give you any indication that something serious was not on his agenda? Sometimes we can get so caught up in the moment that we miss the signs, especially the ones we don’t want to see.

2. Live your life! There are a multitude of reasons why he (or she) may be pulling away and it truly doesn’t do you any good to put your life on hold because you’re waiting to hear from him. Hang out with your friends, put more effort into your work, do things that make you happy-in the end, regardless if this guy stops pulling away or not, NOTHING makes you as irresistable to the opposite sex as having a full, happy life of your own.

3. The C word! YEP. COMMUNICATION. I know that right when you’re starting to date someone, the last thing you want to do is have “big talks” or seem “DRAMATIC”…but honesty is the best policy, and your feelings are valid. Just be sure to be calm, non-accusatory¬†and prepared for an answer you might not want to hear.

4. Move on. Check your dating inbox-you never know who might be waiting to hear from you! Give other guys a chance. It’s pretty much a known fact that once you are interested in someone else, Mr. Pull Away will come crawling back…and then, it’s up to you.


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Liz

Liz is We Love Dates social media manager. A former marketing account executive in the fashion industry, a bad breakup spurred Liz to start her first blog 5 years ago and she has been happily over-sharing with anyone who will read ever since. Obsessed with all things dating, love and tech, Liz has been referred to as the brunette Carrie Bradshaw on more than one occasion. If it's a day that ends in "Y", most likely you will find Liz furiously typing away on her laptop with a huge espresso nearby. Or two. Follow her every thought on Twitter and Google+.

33 Responses to “What To Do When He Pulls Away”

  1. November 10, 2010 at 4:25 pm, Amy said:

    Such a good article! Great advice for women, because we tend to get much more clingy when we think a guy is pulling away. The best thing we can do is breathe, take a step back, and move on with our lives, letting him come to us when he’s ready. And if he’s not ready for a few weeks, then we get to tell him “you snooze you lose buddy!”

    Reply

  2. March 02, 2011 at 9:00 pm, Meredith said:

    I so needed to hear (read) this right now!!! I’m in a difficult situation with a guy I’m dating who I am totally crazy about. We’ve been dating for a little over a month and a half. We met on the dating website Plenty of Fish. On the site there a an “Intent” field where you can select what you are seeking in terms of a relationship. We both picked “wants to date, but nothing serious” from the drop down menu, (some of the other choices include “is looking for a relationship”, “wants to get married”, etc.).

    The reason I picked this is that I’ve been hurt in the past and am a little gun shy when it comes to relationships. I think I have a few issues when it comes to commitment myself. Plus I am the single mother of a baby boy who is a little over a year old, and I am currently going to school full-time. I was nervous that having a full-blown relationship would detract from my son and from school. I wanted to have some sort of sex life I guess (because I had none for close to two years) and I did crave going out and having fun and being somewhat close to a guy.

    He says he picked the “not serious” option because he travels around a lot for his job. In fact, he works for the oil industry usually has to move to different states or different places within a state every year or so. He simply has to go whereever they are drilling. Also however, he is in his late 20s (I’m 33) and says he has never had a serious relationship because it terrifies him to open himself up emotionally like that. He said something to the affect “it would be so difficult and horrible once it ends…” So it’s obvious to me he’s got some issues there. HOWEVER, to make matters totally confusing, he also said “I am not totally opposed to having a relationship…”, but that he was unsure of the whole thing.

    Well I guess we’re both gluttons for self-punishment or something because we agreed we were prefect for each other, LOL. We started going out with the intent of just keeping it very fun and casual. Well it turns out we have a TON of fun together, having amazing chemistry both sexual and as people, and both seem to like each other mutually and kind of intensely. As people, we almost seem to be the male and female version of each other, we are so damn similar! It was obvious to me we were both starting to develop feelings for each other.

    I found myself growing very infatuated with him and not wanting him to go away. We only got to hang out once a week because I am either busy with school/my son and/or he with his job. Every time we hung out together we had a absolute blast. He called me, but mainly sent me multiple text messages a day telling me how beautiful I was, how awesome I was etc. He said things too like it wasn’t just the sex, he said he loves just being around me in general and couldn’t wait to do all sorts of fun things with me like going to concerts, doing stuff outdoors, etc.

    Last Friday we were hanging out and he kind of dropped a bomb on me. He said his company wants to move him three hours away from where we currently live so they can drill in a new spot. I was crestfallen and felt like I had been stabbed, but yet, I knew from the get-go this had a very good chance of happening. I was trying so hard to be poker-faced about the whole thing and not make some flowery emotional scene. I feel kind of silent.

    He picked up on it though and after awhile he said “Geese, it’s not like we’re never gonna see each again you know? Afterall, I still have an office down here.” I said “oh ok yeah” (secretly stoked he wasn’t also using moving as an excuse to end things we things with me.) I continued “well yeah, I guess my son and I can come up and visit you some weekends.” He smiled and seemed to think this was a great idea.

    So inwardly I kind of breathed a sigh of relief. We had a great night, great rest of our date. We had amazing sex and as I got up to leave (I had to get back to my son), he asked me if I could stay. He said he didn’t want me to go. I explained to him that I had an obligation to make it back to “grandma’s house” at a decent hour to pick up my kid. He just said “oh ok, well we’ll have to plan it better next time…”

    Anyway, this was last Friday. I left feeling great and very confident about the whole situation- UNTIL he started acting funny this week!!! UGH! The texts have slowed waaaaay down and I even texted him a simple “how is work going?” To which he never responded. This is very unusual for him. He seems to be growing very distant all of a sudden.

    I immeadiatley felt sad and kind of panicked. I have a lot of experience with men, and I know a good guy when I see one. Overall, he is an amazing guy, the kind of guy you meet once in a lifetime. I surely don’t want to loose him!!! Yet I know, as much as I don’t want to admit it, that he’s got commitment issues of some sort. But then some other little voice inside my head pipes up and says “yeah, but he is so into you. He said he wasn’t totally opposed to having a relationship…”

    It’s like I can hear this whole comittee of people in my head saying all kinds of different things. For instance, “What ever you do, don’t chase him, it will just drive him away further!!!” and “Yeah, but if he is scared and you don’t chase him he will think you don’t care about him. Maybe he is looking for a sign that you care.” Another voice says “Give him time he is just scared” then another voice says “Oh God, he has found someone else!!!” or “You’ve been played sweetheart, he probably does this to a million chicks”.

    Yeah so a million things are going through my head right now and I have no idea how to react. Other than the simple “How’s work?” text, to which I got no response, I have made no attempts to contact him. Reading your post has REALLY helped me, especially the “TAKE A STEP BACK” in order to evaluate the situation for what it really is. I do need some time to think more clearly about what is going on, before I did anything that may totally sabatoge things.

    I am driving an hour out of town this weekend with my son to visit my girlfriend and am just going to try to chill out for a bit. We are supposed to go to a concert a little over a week from now if he doesn’t have to work. So I think I will just hang back for a week. Two days before the concert if I have not heard from him, I will simply ask him if he’s still going/wants to go. If he continues to act funny, I will calmly ask him what’s wrong in a non-confrontational manner.

    All and all, the most important thing to do is accept the situation for what it is. I don’t need to sit here and psychoanalize his behavior. For what ever reason he is pulling away and I am feeling pain over it. That’s the heart of the matter plain and simple. It’s probably more something with him than it is me anyway. I really can’t think of one single thing I did wrong, so I need not psychoanalize my own behavior or wrack my brain trying to figure out how I didn’t play my cards right.

    As hard and as painful as it is to see him go, I’ll have to let him go if he wants to go. I guess it’s better sooner rather than later anyway, I mean it’s only been close to two months. Thank God he’s pulling this crap now and not a year from now when I’m REALLY emotionally vested.

    I’ll have to feel the pain, and work on getting over it. I’ll have to simply just keep the days we did spend together close to my heart and look upon him with fond memories and not resentment. It’s better to leave it that way than tarnishing those memories with a huge emotional blow-out. I’ll have to trust in the abundance of the universe and the goodness of God, that another great man will eventually come my way again. One who I am ready for and who is actually ready for me.

    Anyway, sorry I know I have been really long-winded. Thank you for your patience. You’re advice and writing this has been extremely cathartic for me.

    XOXO

    Reply

    • March 04, 2011 at 8:27 am, Liz said:

      I totally understand…how are things now??

      You’re so right-it’s the most important, and hardest thing to accept the situation for what it is. But, you never know what can happen.

      Thinking of you!
      Liz

      Reply

    • September 14, 2011 at 12:27 am, Saghorse said:

      > Hi read this and thought wow similar story to mine met a guy also on pof did not intend for anything serious and we were both crazy about each other . For the first time in my life I thought this could be the one. Suddenly he takes 6 hours to respond to a text. I feel so fed up and disappointed in this type of behaviour.
      The thing is we both got off pof because we felt this was very serious

      i will take the advice and throw myself into everything else. Do men not have a conscience. I hope your situation got better. It is so hard, I am almost divorced and this was my first relationship that I really fell hard for the guy. I hate the idea of having to dust off and get back on the horse. I really liked this guy and wanted this guy. Too depressing

      Reply

      • September 14, 2011 at 3:42 am, Liz said:

        Aw, I totally know how that feels…but don’t him get you down-as you said dust yourself off! not all guys are like this, I promise! xo

        Reply

  3. March 07, 2011 at 10:35 am, Meredith said:

    Hey Liz :)

    Thanks for checking in! Things are kind of the same, although he did send me a few random texts over the weekend. I had told him last weekend I was going to visit my friend this weekend. He sent me a few texts Friday and Saturday night saying he was bored. In way that’s good I guess cause it means he wasn’t being entertained by some other woman ;) Like I said, the texts have slowed way down, but the realtionship between us still has a heartbeat however and is not completely dead I guess.

    I think the guy I am seeing has some issues with commitment is what it boils down to, and maybe commitment issues relating directly to me. I think his positive feelings for me are genuine, but he’s slightly freaked out. I think he’s taking a step back to evaluate his feelings for me and I think for now he also may want to keep his options.

    It should be an interesting week. I told him 800 times about this concert that is going on this Friday night (It’s now Monday). He said previously he really wanted to go if he didn’t have to work. His work schedule is tough because he’s technically always on call. So he wouldn’t really know till Thursday or Friday if he could go or not. However, I think what I need to do is just sit back this week and do nothing and see what he does. I’m not going to text him on Thursday and say “ahhh, hey so do you think you can go?” I think that is kind of chasing him and I shouldn’t have to chase him.

    I think if he doesn’t even bother to tell me if he has to work or not – that if this week goes by and I hear nothing from him, that is very telling. In that instance, I should definitely move on as hard it is. In the meantime, I have started talking to other guys again online and am focusing on myself more. It’s very hard, but I feel better about myself and my actions, than I would if I were chasing him right now :)

    Anyway, thanks so much again, I’ll keep ya posted :)

    Reply

  4. July 11, 2011 at 8:45 pm, Claudia said:

    Hi Meredith, I’m curious what ended up happening with your guy? Your story is my life right now with the guy I’ve been seeing. I’m trying to give him space but it hurts! I feel so confused and rejected. Anyway, this article and your story helped me see I’m not alone. We even have a planned concert in 2 weeks too. Did you end up going? Thank you..

    Reply

  5. July 17, 2011 at 3:14 pm, jaycee said:

    im interested too! im in a very similar situation.

    Reply

  6. August 01, 2011 at 5:08 pm, julie said:

    ok, here goes – been on 4 dates with this great guy – really attentive – have met his children and his friends, have been camping with him and been to his home – no sex involved and all of a sudden he pulls away – last night instead of saying – call me – he said you call me – and for the first time he didn’t text me this morning – I am confused and don’t know what to think I don’t want to push – but I don’t want to wait for someone who dosen’t want me either

    Reply

  7. October 02, 2011 at 11:22 pm, Jenny said:

    I start dating with someone and after the 3rd date (we didn’t have physical intimacy)…I no was feeling well for some serious personal problems, so I started sending so much text messages and he didnt like it and I did look so needy when we didnt have anything yet. He was angry about that and I tried to explain it making contact with him but it was worst. Now he don’t want nothing with me, I explained finally what happened and why I felt that way but he told me he is just looking for somethuing casual…he has not been in contact with me since one week, I am wondering if there anything I can do as I really like this guy…and I think I did some bad step and he is thinking wrong about me…

    Reply

  8. November 25, 2011 at 3:02 pm, Teri said:

    I’ve recently been thru this type of situation, but am now thinking that it’s time I move on too. My story is kind of long, but the question I have is…..should I tell him that I am moving on? He knows I love him, but it seems that he isn’t willing to take things further with me anymore & has pulled away so much that it’s boiled down to a text every now & then to see what we’ve both been up to. Would he think my feelings for him weren’t real if he found out I am trying to keep my options open to date others, instead of waiting around for him? What have you all done? I have tried talking with him to see what his intentions are, & he can’t seem to give me any……nothing makes sense. Maybe he doesn’t know why. He says we will have a conversation about it, but he hasn’t made any effort to take me out to talk or even phone me to talk. I truly love him & wanted so much for things to work out with him, & I’ve told him this. I just need to know if I should invest anymore effort into this & email him at least….my feelings & intentions to moving on. Thoughts?

    Reply

    • November 28, 2011 at 12:11 am, Liz said:

      > I think you should let him know your feelings, but not expect him to change. Actions speak louder than words, and you deserve someone who shows you how he feels.

      Reply

  9. November 26, 2011 at 1:51 pm, Mimi said:

    Hi, I just read your comment and I have a very similar situation going on my life. Is difficult for me because he was after me for more than a year and didn’t knew it. Now he doesn’t answer my calls and I have strong feelings for him. I called him but I will follow the article’s advice. Thanks for sharing your story with us. Good luck

    Reply

  10. November 28, 2011 at 3:36 am, saghorse said:

    Hi I wrote a long response to this but somehow lost it when I hit back button

    My two cents, if a man is pulling away something somewhere has changed for him. Yes they have the excuses, the feelings are too intense need to back away, they are confused etc. In reality I believe this is hogwash.
    Ask the question when he started pulling away from you, did he have the courtesy to warn you in advance that he was pulling away or did he just suddenly change the frequency.

    If he did not say in advance then no matter how you try to interpret it he showed a clear lack of consideration for your feelings. Especially if he knows the relationship was starting to deepen or the that you were frequently communicating. Also any man that is putting off having a chat about something that is important to you on several occasions, is showing he is a poor communicator and selfish. Sorry I don’t want to appear to be a know it all, I don’t but remember at this stage he is on his BEST behaviour and if this is his best you really don’t want to tolerate his worst.

    Move on. I think when women meet a new guy and we feel we really click we think maybe this is the one for me, so we start being exclusive with them too soon, Sad to say I think when we make pursuit too easy for a man they take advantage of us

    I am not saying play a game or be dishonest, We are adults
    but what I am saying is , don’t immediately stick to the one guy, dont leave your calendar open just so you can be available in case he wants to meet. YOu don
    t break another engagement just to accomodate him unless you really really feel so inclined. Plan you life keep super busy and fit him into your calendar when you honestly can, but don’t make him feel that you are the only one, Think if he felt there was someone else interested in you too he would unlikely be pulling the distancing nonsens.

    I also do not like men texting me unless necessary, it gives them instant access to us unlike voicemail or email and far too easily us women start looking forward to the texts.
    Protect your heart a bit
    Take care

    Reply

  11. November 29, 2011 at 3:20 am, Teri said:

    Thanks for your message. My guy showed me much interest & pursued me for the first few months, but something seemed a little off to me. He was truly into me, loved showing me off, told me he loved being with me & had feelings for me…. he even did little favors for me around my house. He blew hot & cold. He lived 5 min away from me with his mom (he is 58 yrs old & divorced), yet he let some days go by without any contact. I grew tense, because of the amazing chemistry I felt with him. He started to pull back after we spent one intimate weekend away together, yet whenever he pulled back he would tell me he wasn’t sure about a relationship…yes he was open with me about things, yet he also came back & pursued me again after saying this to me. He made me promised he didn’t keep, left me hanging many times saying he’d call then never did, etc. He had me on a roller coaster ride for a year & a half now. It’s all so frustrating & just doesn’t make sense to me. It’s almost like he has another life when he isn’t with me.

    Reply

  12. November 30, 2011 at 11:02 pm, John said:

    Hello all. Well, I have a “long-winded” comment- I have just discovered this site; and have read everyone’s responses to the question “what to do when he pulls back”. I would like to put forth a different twist to this dialogue. I am a heterosexual male, 58yrs. old , father of two wonderful, grown daughters, divorced 14 yrs. I am not what you would consider a “typical male”- I am an artist, I have emotional sensibilities more similar to women. But, please believe me, I very much love women. I have spent much time in my adult life trying to understand how women think (and I mean this in the most respectful way), so I seem to find sites like this one, or often find myself reading women’s magazines, to try to understand your thinking processes. Well, I find this conversation most interesting because I am in a situation where a woman seems to have “pulled away” from me. I have never actually met this woman in person; she lives in a city deep in central Russia, pretty much on the opposite side of the planet from the central U.S., where I live, so we only have a “virtual” relationship on the internet. A short one at that. The story goes like this- Sometime in January of this year, a woman contacted me on a dating website. Said she was not a paying member of the site so offered to give me her personal email address if I was interested. Well, I was, so we began corresponding via email. I speak no Russian at all, and her English-speaking ability made it difficult for us to communicate about complex, nuanced emotional interactions. Well after about a month and a half, I gave up trying to communicate, and simply dropped off the face of the earth, as far as she knew. I now profoundly regret that act. The story continues- I never completely got this lady out of my mind, so around first of November, I decided to take a long shot in the dark and send her an email. She emailed me back the next day! I literally broke into tears. We began corresponding once again, this time, until the 20th of Nov., when I got the last email from her. Everything was great, we both mutually felt like we loved each other, even though we’ve never met, and having no idea of how to overcome the logistics of being on opposite sides of the planet. Here is what I think may have happened- in what many of you ladies would consider “a typical male action”- one evening about four days before I got my sweetheart’s last email, I was on the computer getting ready to email her, and I noticed an email from a woman with a Russian name who wanted to communicate with me, said she was in New York. Well, what I did next I may forever regret, and will never be able to explain – I sent her a brief email- nothing sleazy/sexually suggestive. She emailed me back the next day. Come to find out, she lives in the same city in Russia as my sweetheart, said she works in a toy store (yep, same as my sweetheart). So, it was like “OH, SH*T!!, these two women probably know each other!! I feel that the odds of this being shear lightning-strike odds coincidence; as just that- lightening strike astronomic odds. I panicked. And my worst fears seem to have become reality. I have since discovered that this “other woman” is a listed internet scammer. However, I have no way at the end of the day to know what is happening on the other side of the world. Maybe this is no more than just some bizzare, cruel, twist of fate, and these two women are not even in the same place. In any case, I have never felt such a deep sense of remorse and sadness for the heartbreak that I may have caused for what seems to me to be a very decent, sensitive, fine lady. And I still really don’t know why I have not heard from her. I would literally walk to Russia to seek this woman’s forgiveness, if that is in fact what the reality is. John

    Reply

  13. December 21, 2011 at 3:31 am, kim said:

    Reading the comments I was truly amazed at how similar the stories were to my own life. I started seeing someone from pof. Every day I woke up to texts telling me how wonderful and beautiful I was he would text me throughout the day almost to much. I haven’t dated in about 2 years and my son is 13 months. He asked me to be his gf and I said yes. about 2 weeks into the relationship the texts practically stopped he is to tired after work to hang out and think he’s a good guy and don’t want to break up with him but where did the guy I started dating go. I should have just trusted my instincts and backed off right away. Thanks for the advice

    Reply

  14. June 16, 2012 at 5:36 am, Lizzie said:

    I know the last replies on here were a while ago, but I have been having the problem recently of my “boyfriend” of about 2 months starting to pull away. Going from texting me all day every day, to me having to beg him for any conversation. I followed the advice on this site and other sites with the same advice. Just let him go, give him room (even though it’s tough). This totally worked! The last couple of days he has been calling, texting, inviting me over, sending me the kissing face via text, lol. It works, even though it’s hard to to!

    Reply

    • June 20, 2012 at 4:47 pm, Bella said:

      Hi Lizzie! I’m so happy to hear this! It’s definitely hard but good for you!

      Reply

  15. July 03, 2012 at 6:37 am, Kristina said:

    If he pulls away and it’s his bd, should I send a message wishing him h-day?

    Reply

    • July 10, 2012 at 7:42 pm, Bella said:

      Sure, a short message is nice, but don’t be upset if he doesn’t respond. xx

      Reply

  16. July 06, 2012 at 3:28 pm, Sadgirl said:

    I m so extremely sad. I lost my husband almost 3 years ago in a car crash, and needless to say i was devastated because he and i were meant for eachother, i have never had somebody who loved me as much as he did and our marriage was so full of love and respect i can assure it was perfect. Then of course i shut down and seclude myself in sadness. I then moved to a foreign country to study and get away from memories, one day i went out for icecream and met this guy from california who came as a tourist, we hit it off inmediately, i didnt sleep with him that night, he went back to CA the next day n i thought i was not going to see him again but he then emailed me and told me he wanted to see me again and flew all the way back to meet me. We had the most amazing week together, i let my walls down to the point that i felt ready to sleep with another person that was not my hysband. We always made sure to remember that we lived so far away and if that wasnt the situation probably we would have been together as a couple. He also told me that i was the closest he had felt to a relationship in 4 or 5 years. He then went to Brazil to continue his travel experiences, BUT then he kept on facebooking me, at that point i thought ” if he is writing is because he still want to be with me ecen trought the distance” we msg eachother back and forth for almost a month he called me baby in all his emails and then we made plans for me to visit him in california in august for my bday. He sent me the itinerary n i bought the ticket. Before he went to Brazil he told me that we were allowed to see other people but when we were together it was only us. THEN ONE MORNING I SAW HE WAS TAGGED MULTIPLE TIMES BY A GIRL IN BRAZIL n of course im not that stupid. Then his emails were less frequent, cold, and of course he stopped calling me baby. Now i feel he just emails me because he feels obligated to mantain a communication due to my trip to visit him. I am just so heart broken because i just opened up for the very first time after losing the love of my life, and i feel used, i feel like i am about to become one of those clingy girls i used to make fun of! this feeling sucks! I dont know if i should pull away, if i should tell ask him whats going on? I dont want to show him i am becoming clingy. I know i cannot ask him about the girl because we are not in a relationship, i felt like a bird with a broken wing, this guy found me, cured me and then broke my other wing on purpose.

    Reply

    • July 10, 2012 at 7:41 pm, Bella said:

      I am so sorry to hear about your husband, that must be so devastating and I don’t blame you for not wanting to open up again. Always remember that you don’t need a man to cure you…you are a bird with 2 beautiful wings and you can fly as high as you’d like. xoxo

      Reply

  17. October 08, 2012 at 2:04 am, Holly said:

    I am desperately seeking some answers to my current situation. I met a guy online a couple of yrs ago…we had texted now and then, but, had never met. We started communicating again a couple of mths ago bcz my relationship had ended and I wanted to see how he had been doing.

    He & I texted constantly for a number of wks & talked on the phone almost every night. We had amazing chemistry and feelings started to develop on both sides, before we had even met in person. After talking for a few wks, he excitedly called me one night to tell me that he loved me. We expressed love to each other and talked about being together. We met in person a couple of days later…hugged and kissed a few times and discovered that our feelings for each other were real (nothing changed after meeting). We spent some time together…became affectionate, but, didn’t actually have sex.

    We continued to communicate, but, he suddenly had become distant…told me that work had become painfully hectic and that he did love me…promised to be more open in the future. Shortly thereafter, he became even more distant…told me that work was severely understaffed &, as a result, he didn’t have time @ the moment to devote to “us.” He assured me (in person) that he does love me. I didn’t hear from him for another wk (regardless of my daily texts). He did respond to me 1 wk later by telling me that he just wanted to be friends…that he wasn’t ready for a relationship & apologized profusely. He also told me that he was ill…suffering from “depression pains.” I did ask what was making him feel depressed, but, he hadn’t responded. I continued to send supportive msgs to him over the next 2 days…i decided to stop texting him after the 2nd day bcz I had been reading a lot of advice online which stated to give a guy space when he withdraws…let him make contact when he is ready. It has now been 1 wk since I have heard from him and I miss him like crazy. What shall I do? I do love him…going thru emotional turmoil @ the moment. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

    Reply

    • October 08, 2012 at 5:41 am, elizabeth said:

      Hi Holly,
      That is such a tough situation! It seems like he isn’t telling you the full story, and probably not being honest with you. The only thing you can control is yourself and your emotions though, and make sure you’re being treated right. The best thing to do is also the hardest…step back and give him space. Texting and reaching out over and over can actually push him away more. I know it’s easier said than done though. When a guy stops responding, he is telling you that he’s not interested right now for whatever reason…maybe he is dealing with depression or maybe it’s an excuse. The thing to remember is that you deserve someone who will treat you like the priority you are.

      Reply

  18. October 08, 2012 at 6:25 pm, Holly said:

    Thank you for the responce & the sage advice! He has been extremely open w/ me (I even read that people who are born under his zodiac sign are bluntly honest). It seems that something happened in his mind to cause the sudden distance (maybe fear of commitment) or perhaps he suffers from bouts of depression every once in a while. He was very concerned about being judged, but, claimed not to have a specific reason for that concern. He went from being extremely communicative to complete silence. I am hoping that the space will allow him time to feel better & he will come back to me when he is ready.

    Reply

    • October 09, 2012 at 7:21 pm, elizabeth said:

      Hi Holly!
      I hope he does too, and that you can find peace and some happiness in the meantime. You seem to have a great outlook on it…it’s never a fun situation to go through. Keep us posted! XO! Liz

      Reply

  19. October 09, 2012 at 8:38 pm, Holly said:

    Hi, Liz,

    This situation has actually caused a great deal of emotional turmoil for me. He is on my mind often and I wish there was a magical way that I could will myself to stop thinking about him. Luckily, I have a job that I relish and love, so, that helps to keep me distracted. My greatest wish right now is to hear back from him with the news that he is feeling better and is ready to talk. I have friends who have advised me to move on, but, when one is in love, that can be an impossible task! Time will tell what happens…if he & I are meant to be, we will!

    Reply

  20. October 12, 2012 at 2:00 pm, Holly said:

    Hi, Liz…I still have not heard from him…has been almost 2 wks. Due to the sudden nature of his silence and some of the comments he has made to me, it seems now like he suffers w/ bouts of depression and tends to isolate himself during those periods. I don’t believe that he plays games or is into emotional torture. I just hope that belief isn’t wishful thinking on my part! I have not sent any msgs to him in several days and have no intention of contacting him again, despite how hard it is to distance myself. I cannot honestly say that he isn’t on my mind…he is often. I have a feeling (and hope) that he will be in touch w/ me again soon.

    Reply

  21. October 15, 2012 at 1:43 am, Meg said:

    So I am here, reading different comments and answers…obviously out looking for answers of my own. I went through a tough break up. Soon after, a guy that I went to high school contacted me on Facebook. We texted CONSTANTLY. I wasn’t ready for anything, so I kind of pushed him away when he would invite me out and I would also reschedule last minute. I was so nervous to meet him again. He is a great guy…I finally gave in and really got to know him. It’s been 5 months now. We have slept together twice now (in the past few weeks). We were texting constantly still, but it almost seems like I am the one that starts the conversation…unless it’s a “have a good day” text and who knows who he sent that to as well. He has A LOT of female friends.He texts back whenever I text. I just kind of feel like I don’t know the whole story. We went to the same concert a couple weeks ago…he went with a (female) friend. He went to a wedding this past weekend and then drove 6 hours to spend two days with another female “friend.” He used to tell me everything going on…sent me pics of his little boy at funny times (our sons are the same age). And now it’s like, since I pushed him away at first and it took me a while to warm up to the idea, he was more focused on sleeping with me. I don’t know whether to say something or just back off and let him take the reigns. I have asked something like-so is she a friend or a “friend?” and never really get a response other than “I can’t have female friends?” I really like him. He is so much of everything that I would want in a guy. When I asked if there are others, “I hang out with others, but I really don’t have time to date.” Which he really doesn’t seem to have a lot of time with his little boy, work, and sports. Any advice? I am in nursing school, work part time, and have a little boy. I am pretty busy as well….but I have almost become attached to talking to him all day. He knows more going on with my son than his own father knows.

    Reply

    • October 15, 2012 at 4:44 am, elizabeth said:

      Hey Meg!
      This has absolutely happened to me…and probably most women reading this.Just based on what you wrote, I would pull back a bit. Like you said, you are getting attached to talking to him all day, but ultimately you want someone who can give you more than text messages. If you pull away and he notices and wants to make sure you don’t leave, he’ll pull you closer. If he doesn’t, he’s showing you how he feels. All the female friend stuff sets off warning bells too-not that guys can’t have friends of the opposite sex-but something seems off! Good luck-keep us posted. It’s not the easiest advice, but it might spare you more heartbreak in the future. xoxo-Liz

      Reply

  22. October 23, 2012 at 6:07 pm, Meg said:

    I backed off a bit and he started texting, but again it’s mostly me who initiates. We saw each other once last week, for an hour, in which we slept together. He did have to get home to his son after bowling and made sure I knew he couldn’t stay long. The sex is amazing. I don’t know how to ask him if I am just around for that or if there is more that he sees in the future. I don’t want to push him away by being clingy or needy in this regard. It is getting harder for me to just sit on my hands and wait for him to take that next step.I wish there was an easy way to pin him down on this!

    Reply

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