July 18th, 2014 by Kevin Murray

7 Ways Men Self-Sabotage Their Online Dating Messages

AngryYoungWomanComputer

Life online often imitates life offline when it comes to the courtship process – just like at a bar, the guy typically has to make the first move. When it comes to online dating, the best initial move is sending a well crafted message. Unfortunately men forget about the “well crafted” part. Here are the most common ways men sabotage their dating game via email & messaging.

The Cut and Paste.

Guys, show some effort that you’ve read at least one sentence in her profile. I know, I know – you only care about the pictures – me too. However, using the same message over and over again will turn women off. They can smell your repeating bullshit from a mile away.

The Novel.

There’s no need to craft multiple paragraphs spilling your guts, going on and on about yourself — STFU. Let your profile speak for itself and reveal something new or one commonality that you both have. Oh, and for the love of god, ask her one question per message only. If you want to play 20 questions, save it for when you meet face-to-face.

Eager Beaver.

Have patience! Don’t be a psycho and send a follow up email five hours after you sent the first when she hasn’t even responded yet– women hate that. It comes off as desperate and kind of pathetic – both are not appealing traits. There are a number for reasons why she didn’t respond. Maybe she’s talking to too many other people, maybe she thinks waiting a few days plays it more cool on her end, annnnd maybe just maybe you don’t interest her. Of course it’s OK to send a follow up email, but this should wait at least a week if not more. Chill out and move on – there’s plenty of others chicks to creep on in the mean time.

Talk Dirty to Me.

No don’t! Never mention kissing, cuddling or anything close to sex in a message. Well, unless you’re on Ashley Madison – then anything’s fair game.

(Not sure I should admit how long I actually stared at this Katy Perry gif for)

Call Me Maybe.

Dropping a phone number right away is a sure fire way to hear crickets. This is more common with the older males. Guys, guys, please stop doing this. Trying to instantly jump to the phone is such a bail out move. Grow some balls and attempt to court her. Trade a few message to gauge mutual interest. At least ask for her number – handing yours out based on zero merit is weak.

Nice Guys Finish Last.

Proclaiming you’re not like “all the other guys” online is a fragile strategy. These are the same guys that boast about being sweat and caring. No women wants to date a little pussy so cut the shit. Coming at her soft will melt your chances faster than an ice cream cone on a 95 degree day.

The Hail Mary.

Communication online has an expiration date. The conversation can stall or end for various reasons but when it’s done, you’ve most likely lost that window of opportunity. This is when guys toss that last minute hail mary pass, basically acknowledging that this budding internet romance is over. Usually sounds like something to the effect of “Okay, it’s obvious that you’re not interested but if you change your mind here’s how to reach me 508-555-6498.” Have some more pride men. Unless your names Doug Flutie, she’s not catching that final desperation heave toward her end zone.

 

 

M.A. Rutgers University, MCIS Program. 8 years of personal/academic online dating experience. Interpersonal communication specialist. Boston sports addict. Resident Suave Scribe at eflirtexpert.com

One Response to “7 Ways Men Self-Sabotage Their Online Dating Messages”

  1. July 28, 2014 at 1:35 am, rkj said:

    Sounds like sensible advice. My problem was after 19 years of marriage not only was I a bit rusty at dating I didn’t know a thing about online dating etiquette. Your article is like a road map so to speak. I’m thinking I’m not alone . online dating didn’t exist when my first wife n me dated. I’m a book publisher for independent authors. If you haven’t already you should write a book. At least an e book. Regards. RK Jensen

    Reply

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