When Should You Have Sex?

By: Jess Downey |


So, you’ve met a new guy or gal and you seem to really click. You’ve been on a few dates and you feel like this could really go somewhere. You’ve also engaged in a few heavy make out sessions and probably stayed at each other’s places a time or two. Needless to say, you feel like you want to take things to the next level (sexually speaking). But then you’re faced with the dilemma – is it too soon?

A lot of dating books, articles, and such give you a certain timeline for sex. Of course, those are the kind of books that give you a timeline for everything. I’ve read anywhere from one month to four months. And, I don’t know about you, but that just makes it more confusing.

And, let’s be honest here, timelines totally overcomplicate everything. It tends to be too hard to apply one to every single relationship out there. It also distracts you from what should be your focus – developing /exploring a connection with the person you are dating.

I mean, if you’ve known the person for three months, but have only been on a handful of dates how does the timeline fit in there? Or what if you’ve met only a few weeks ago, but have spent a lot of time together? Confusing and complicated.

So when should you have sex?

Honestly, the answer is pretty simple — have sex when you’re ready. Yes, I know that seems too simple and I know it brings out a million questions. But the honest truth is the best sex always comes when it happens naturally, without any planning. And you’ll know when you’re ready because that’s how it will all go down (no pun intended).

Maybe that all sounds a little corny and cliché, but planning it all out based on some sort of timeline someone else gives you just causes all kinds of pressure and anxiety. And in a case where there is already plenty of pressure and anxiety why add more to it? All that really does is spoil all the fun.

The only reason you should really have sex is because you actually want to have it. Now, I am not saying that means you should have it anytime you want to have it. I am just saying that it shouldn’t be based on the number of dates you have been on. It shouldn’t be based on how many weeks, months, etc. you have known the person. It should be based on how you really feel – about the person, about the situation, about everything.