The DTR-Define The Relationship

By: Elizabeth Marie |

So the other day, my bff/situational boyfriend and I were talking about how this girl is interested in him, but he only likes her as a friend, yadda yadda. It went something like this-

Define the relationship

Him-“So yeah, I need to have the DTR and make sure she knows she’s in the friend-zone.”

Me-“Have the what?”

Him (blank stare)-“You don’t know what the DTR is? DEFINE THE RELATIONSHIP? How do you not know this? I can’t believe you don’t know this!”


The DTR-Define The Relationship. Now that I know what it is, I started thinking about the past DTR’s I’ve had in my life, the one’s I should be having right now, and the ones that are to come. Defining a relationship is hard, I guess.  I’ve been lucky to kind of just fall seamlessly into relationships where there are no questions, I like you, you like me, we are WE, ain’t love grand?

Lately though, as I open myself up more and more to the dating world, things just aren’t so easy. Does he like me? Do I even like him? Do I actually not like him but just want him to like me? What ARE we? Are we a WE? Is love all that grand?

A define the relationship talk is a lot more than just passing a “Do you like me? Check yes or  no” note…although, GOSH wouldn’t that be easy.  I think the proper time to DTR it is when you can’t stop thinking about how you want to know, yes it’s just a label but that label MEANS something. Saying someone is “my boyfriend” means something, saying that he is “my friend” means something else entirely, and both are important and wonderful things to have.

I instigated a DTR the other day because I wanted to protect myself.  I wanted him to know how I felt, I needed to know how he felt…a DTR, while scary and annoying and vulnerable is completely necessary.  Don’t let your feelings float around in mid-air, hoping the other person will catch them, will know how you feel, will love you back.  OR don’t let him or her continue to develop feelings for you if you know they aren’t going to be reciprocated-if you like them just as a friend, tell them.  If you want more, ask for it.

What’s the worst that could happen? Heartbreak? I’m not scared of you, heartbreak. I’ve been there. Nothing some ice cream, good friends and new possibilities can’t handle.