Does Having a One Night Stand Make You a Ho-bag?

By: cherie |

Do you guys watch the Real Housewives of New York? I do. I love that show. The gals are crazy and unpredictable and go to fashion shows and live the life of luxury (or at least look like they do.) On a recent episode of the show one Housewife (Kelly) called another Housewife (Bethenny) a “ho-bag.” I’m not sure anyone uses the word ho-bag anymore, but since she brought it up, I’ve heard people chatting about the use of this word and what it really means.

Mar 10, 2010 - New York, New York, USA - Reality personality KELLY BENSIMON from 'The Real Housewives of New York City' attends Bravo Media's 2010 Upfront Party held at Skylight Studios. © Red Carpet Pictures

Specifically, does having a one night stand make you a ho-bag?

Everyone has a different idea of what dating is and should be, and like everyone else, I’ve got some thoughts on the matter. Before I get into that let me reiterate that everyone should always practice safe sex. Don’t even tell me you aren’t using condoms when you’re having sex, I don’t want to hear it. Be smart!

Okay, on with the show….

A One Night Stand Does Not a Ho-bag Make

I don’t think because you’ve had a one-night stand with someone that it makes you a ho-bag, slut, or any other incredibly negative word. In an ideal world, I recommend that someone have a committed relationship before having sex. The problem is, the world of dating is not always ideal. Sometimes people are lonely or just plain want to have sex, and doggone it they are going to do it.

So? If they do, they do. It doesn’t make them a bad person.

One Night Stands Are Not Created Equal

Let’s talk one-night stands here for a second, because they most certainly are NOT created equal. Sometimes one person goes into a date thinking “this is it, I just want sex” while the other person is thinking, “this is it, I found my perfect match.” In this case the second person has a one-night stand without really meaning to. They really want a relationship and think they found someone special. The trouble is that unless both people go into it with the same intentions, it won’t work out. The result is a one-night stand.

Let’s also say that someone is lonely. Hasn’t been with someone in a while, and meets someone that rocks their world and gosh darnit they just plain want them. Is it a bad thing that they “hooked up”? It’s not ideal for the long run, but again, people are human. Does it mean they are bad? Nope.

Love Means Never Having to Wonder if You’re in a Relationship

As I said, I recommend to people that come to me for advice that if they really want a relationship, they should be seeing only each other before they have sex. Too old fashioned for you? Consider this: having sex does not mean you are in a relationship. If you want a relationship, you have to get to know someone. Getting to know someone has to come before sex, because if you do it before the relationship develops it will be mostly about sex and not about the innate qualities that make two people want to stay together.

In other words, you’ll have sex without the emotional bond required to sustain a relationship. While casual sex is great and healthy and wonderful and fabulous, the emotional bond is the part that most people crave.

What do you think about one-night stands?