The Difference Between Having Sex and Making Love

By: Elizabeth Marie |


Recently, a friend of mine got freaked out when the guy she’s been casually dating sent her a text that said, “I can’t wait to make love to you again”…Make love? To her, making love implied a lot more than just a fun time in bed and turns sex into something much deeper and meaningful that she wasn’t ready for. Some might say that making love and having sex are the same thing, and fundamentally, that would be correct. But fundamentals aside, making love and having sex are two entirely different things. Here is how to tell where your sex life falls.

Having Sex
Boning, banging, doing “it” are other charming ways to imply that you’re having sex. Having sex is what casual dating is all about. It’s simple, really-there aren’t any pesky feelings to worry about, it’s not overly romantic or sensual and their isn’t any pressure to connect on a deeper level than purely a physical one. It’s two people who find each other sexually attractive coming together (heh) to enjoy each others bodies and have some naughty fun. Sometimes it’s selfish, sometimes it’s dirty and sometimes it’s quick. The biggest way having sex differs from making love is this-having sex is about the present, and enjoying yourself to the fullest in the moment. Having sex is about how you feel right now.

Making Love
Making love is about more than just right now. Making love is a physical manifestation of how you feel about your partner; namely how much you love them. It’s not as much about getting a great orgasm as it is connecting on a deeper level, becoming one person and expressing your feelings in a sexual manner. Generally, making love tends to be slow, sensual and not at all selfish. It’s not about getting to the end result (the orgasm), it’s about taking your time to show your partner how much you care.

So which one is better? Having sex and making love are both incredible in their own right. It depends what you’re looking for and what stage of life you’re in. If you’re casually dating, you’re probably interested in having some fun, dirty sex. If you’re in a serious relationship, you probably sing the merits of making love. It’s important to manage your expectations and know what you’re going to get before you’re disappointed. If you really want, and feel ready for love making, don’t expect to get it with a casual sex buddy and vice versa.

Do you prefer making love or having sex?
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