How Not To Get Your Boyfriend To Propose
By: Elizabeth Marie |
My initial plan for this post was to call it “How To Get Your Boyfriend To Propose” but then I was like…well, this could get a little bit awkward. I haven’t been proposed to…yet. I never ever want to look back at the day I get engaged and have a sinking feeling that he got down on bended knee because I forced him too, or he was sick of fighting, or he just wanted to shut me the hell up. So while I have no clue how to get your boyfriend to propose, I do know how to get him NOT to propose.
Give him an ultimatum.
“Who doesn’t love a great ultimatum?”– Said no one ever.
When their boyfriends aren’t moving fast enough for their life plan, some women resort to declaring things like “If you don’t propose with in six months, we’re over” and while I can kinda sorta get how they might reach that point, it’s not a good indication that a happy ending is in the cards. First of all, if the only way you can get your guy to propose is to threaten him with leaving, what does that tell you about your relationship? Some women argue that their boyfriends just needed a gentle nudge (read-kick in the junk), or a wake up call to realize what they would be missing out on if they didn’t get down on bended knee asap. But here’s the thing. Your very capable boyfriend gets up every morning and makes a slew of important decisions all day long without having to be scared into them. He knows what he’s got in you, and he knows if he’s willing to risk losing it or not. Have you considered that he just might call your bluff and not cave to your ultimatum, and if so are you prepared to handle the consequences?
Act like a crazy person.
Cry a lot, all the time. Start every conversation with “When we get married…” Create a wedding gift registry “just in case!” Get super pissed off and throw things at him in a rage when yet another one of your good friends announces their engagement on Facebook. Cry some more. Send him pictures of your dream wedding ring, and schedule an appointment to try on wedding gowns “just in case!” Do a lot of things under the guise of “just in case.” Yell at him and sob hysterically asking “when are we going to get married?? I NEED TO KNOW!” Call him a jerk and the love of your life in the same sentence. Start using his last name wherever you can, even on legal documents. Whine. Whine a lot. Ask him “Why are you doing this to me?” Cry when he doesn’t know what you’re talking about. Bonus points if you withhold sex until he asks you to be his wife.
Do it. Because every guy wants to enter into a legal, binding FOREVER AND EVER AMEN contract with a crazy person! How could he resist? Listen, I’ve been guilty of watching one too many episodes of Say Yes To The Dress and getting a little misty eyed, and yes, I do in fact have a pinterest board devoted to my “FUTURE wedding”, but other than that I keep my crazy under wraps. Or on g-chat convos with my bff’s where they belong. Why? Because I love my guy, and I don’t want to take anything away from him. I want him to do it his way, not because I was so emotional about it, but because he’s so emotional about me.
Living together, buying a home, having two puppies, a joint checking account or an actual adorable human baby are still not guarantees that a man will propose to you. In your head, marriage is the obvious next step, and he’s pretty much a sure thing and it would be next to impossible for him to separate his life from yours. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! Look at all you’ve invested into the relationship, he owes it to you. But just because you’re financially linked or have created a life together doesn’t always mean he’s sold on the idea of becoming husband and wife, especially if he already feels trapped. He’ll view marriage as more of the same, except harder to get out of. If a guy wants to propose to you, he will…no matter how much or how little you already share.
Act Like You Don’t Want a Ring
In an attempt to differentiate themselves from the women who are desperate to get a ring, some women pretend that they are super laid back and don’t want a proposal at all and are all “ew, marriage!” They act like it’s the last thing on their mind. Reverse psychology works except when it doesn’t, and if you spend your days acting flippant and nonchalant about getting married one day, or telling your boyfriend how you aren’t sure what you want (even though you totally are), have you stopped and considered that he might actually believe you? That he now believes that you don’t want to get married at all and are perfectly happy to keep things how they are…forever? Most men want to avoid rejection at all costs, so if he has even the smallest inkling that you won’t say yes, he might just not ask.
So now what? What do you do when you’re madly in love with someone and want to marry them not because you want a big white wedding but because you love them so much you want to join your life with theirs? I look at my boyfriend sometimes and get so excited about the future ahead of us that sometimes I feel like I can’t wait. I want it all, now. So I tell him. I don’t tell him what I want…I tell him how I feel. And he tells me how he feels. Then we keep walking the path of our relationship together, at the same pace, enjoying the moment. Living in the present and realizing that our life together doesn’t start when we get married. It started when I met him in a Mexican restaurant two years ago and we laughed our way through our first date.
Do you think ultimatums are acceptable?
How long should a couple date before getting engaged?