An Interview With Dirty In Public

By: Elizabeth Marie |

1. What is your current relationship status?
Married: Part Deux

2. If applicable-Where did you meet your significant other?
This one is almost hard to believe and even harder to explain….so follow along! His daughter’s best friend is my niece. So, basically the girls mother’s {his ex-wife and my ex-sister-in-law} got to talking and thought we would be a good match. They arranged a “game night” {p.s. I hate game nights}, we met, exchanged numbers, and the rest is history!

3. What are your opinions of online dating-good, bad, ugly?
Online dating is a great way to meet people you wouldn’t have met otherwise. We’re all busy with careers, kids, family, friends, etc. Online dating as a single parent, who had 80% custody and an ever changing visitation schedule, was a god send. I never would’ve had the opportunity to meet a man, especially at work, because I was in a in a female dominated field. I was able to meet people outside my sphere of influence and I had a great experience. I got out of the house and had adult conversations with some wonderful men however; I never made a love-connection. I did make few like-connections but nothing that went past 3 or 4 dates. At the time, that was all I wanted; I wasn’t looking for love. Online dating seemed like a good place to find “the one” but to be perfectly honest I know of only a few people who have developed committed long-term relationships with someone they met online. In my humble opinion, algorithms are no replacement for human chemistry. I still think people need to step away from their computer screens, get out of the house and interact with live humans in the real world.

4. Do you think good guys are hard to find?

This one is a hot button for me! I get so frustrated when women say “good guys” are hard to find or are all taken…whatever! I just want to shake some sense into them! The reality is that there are millions of good guys out there. The real issues are these women’s expectations are unrealistic or they left the good guys they did meet back in the friend zone. I’m not asking these women to ‘settle’; however, they need to stop associating a good man with a perfect man or a boring man. It’s not fair to the men they meet nor are they being fair to themselves. My advice: Rather than seeking the perfect ‘good man’ these women should seek a ‘good man for them.’ What characterizes a good man is different for every woman and she needs to take the time to discover what it means for herself. Women need to stop expecting the men they meet to live up to the Disney fairy-tale or Nicholas Sparks B.S.; because God knows these women don’t live up to the Playboy centerfold he fantasizes about.

5. What is your first date tip?

Seriously…just one? Ok, here it goes!
Men: Don’t have sex or attempt to have sex on the first date; especially if you think the date has relationship potential. I don’t think having sex on the first date is necessarily a bad thing, it just doesn’t help. By not going for the gold on the first date will demonstrate that you see your date as more than a lay but a person you want to get to know. Look, if she’s hinting that sex is on the menu, then go for it, but otherwise play it cool and end the date with a cold shower…alone! There’s always the next date.
Ladies: See your date for who he is, not for what you want him to be. This advice is a call to action for all the women out there who are still looking for their knight-in-shinning-armor. The man before you is no more perfect than you are. Don’t start dissecting a man for all of his imperfections or begin to catalogue the things you can change in order for him to meet some unrealistic expectation. I’m not suggesting women dive head first into a relationship with someone who is incompatible or compromise non-negotiables; however, be fair to your date and only judge them as you would want to be judged.

6. What is the best way to get over a broken heart?
Take time to find your “me” outside of a “we”. I wrote a post awhile back titled Drink, Meditate, Date and it outlines the three steps I took on my journey of self-rediscovery. First step is to find something that you enjoy and DO IT! My hobby was wine. Not an alcoholic binge but discovering different wines and keeping a wine journal. As a single parent without a lot of free time, it was something I could do at home. It was fun, slightly self-indulgent, and all mine! I became an armchair connoisseur. Second step is introspection. For me, mediation was key to mending. Through mediation I realized that I was perpetually feeding myself negative thoughts about myself. “No one will ever want you.” You’re a loser, no wonder he left you”, and some even worse! No wonder I was depressed, I was beating the crap out of myself. I was able to tame the beast swirling in my head and began to pay closer attention to my thoughts. I also began minimizing the negative influences in my life; news, negative people, gossip, etc. The third step is dust yourself off and get back in the game. Nothing says dating is the exclusive domain of love or another long-term relationship; just dress-up, get out of the house, and meet some people. Stop wallowing in your jammies every Friday and Saturday night. It’s amazing what dolling up and going out can do for your self-esteem.

7. What are the top 3 greatest things about men and the top 3 worst things about men?
This is a tough one! This question reminds me of that quote:” All generalizations are false; including this one”. I know my remarks will offend some {“not all men are like that” or “great way to perpetuate stereotypes”} and earn praise from others {“all men are exactly like that” or “you explained my man to a tee”}. Frankly, if we have to go there, I’m going to go there without restraint…
3 Greatest Things About Men:
1) Men tend to be candid and outspoken. If they have a thought, opinion, or desire they don’t drop ridiculous hints hoping you catch on or stay quiet anticipating you’ll figure it out through osmosis…they tell it like it is!{Love that!}
2) Male sex drive. {That’s right, I said it!} I love that men embrace their sexuality rather than fear or suppress it; when it comes to sex, their confidence and drive is enviable!
3) Men’s strength; both emotional and physical. Men have the innate ability to appear calm, collected and in control even when in the face of extreme stress. Even when a man may feel the same as a woman on the inside, they remain calm, cool, and collected than takes control of the situation. Men also have more upper body strength; which also gives them an endearing super-hero quality that is insanely attractive. Got a flat, can’t open a jammed door or a couch to be moved…a man’s your man.
3 Worst Things About Men:
1) Men’s belief that women are less than men; the belief that women are crazy, emotional, and weak. I believe that these are misconceptions that some embrace comes from a lack of understanding of how a woman’s mind and body works. Men occasionally treat women as one of the guys but when it’s countered with irritation, men are confused; dismissing the woman’s genuine frustration as an overreaction. Oftentimes, men defend themselves against a woman’s discord by making her the butt of jokes only resulting in making a bad situation way worse!
2) Men tend to be egocentric. It’s not that men don’t want to make the women in their lives happy, it’s just they try to make us happy with the actions and things that make them happy! However, men’s apparent lack of consideration makes them appear clueless about our feelings, wants and desires…leaving the woman in his life feeling unappreciated and dissatisfied.
3) Men’s selective hearing/ memory – The angst of most couple’s from the beginning of couple-dom. It’s completely cliché but from as far as I can tell, a fairly common phenomenon. Anniversaries, birthdays, schedules, special instructions…yep, they’ll forget it or maybe they just didn’t hear you in the first place.

8. Does love find you, or do you have to go out and get it?
Whether you’re actively seeking or going about your daily life, you must be open and available emotionally to receive love. Actively pursuing love begins from the inside; and is not merely the number of men you date. A woman can date a thousand men but if she has not let past relationships go, healed her broken heart, or like herself independent of a man; love will always elude her. My best advice is once you’ve become open to receive love then you get out of the damned house and meet people. You do have to take a bite out of life and not wait for a life or man to come knocking magically on your door.