How to Respond to Unwanted Messages
By: Jenn |
With the numbers of online dating users rising, we are all sure to receive messages from people who may not interest us. Maybe they’re outside our geographic region, maybe they’re too old or too young to feel comfortable, or maybe you are just not intrigued by them enough. No matter the reason, we all experience the internal struggle of how to let someone down gently, if at all. These are the guidelines I use.
1. If someone is offensive, I ignore it.
Sometimes I write back if it was truly offensive to let them know why, or that I think their message to me was inappropriate. If someone refers to me in a derogatory way, I have a nice little feminist-infused elevator pitch that I hit them with.
2. If a message and accompanying profile is riddled with spelling and grammar errors, I’m likely to ignore it.
To me, that shows a lack of effort and a lack of pride in how a person exhibits themselves. There was one instance where the guy seemed nice enough – pretty shy but well intentioned – and I wrote back and corrected his spelling and grammar. I was fully expecting him to be put off by it, but he actually thanked me and went on his way. I guess some guys don’t realize that their casual tones translate poorly when online dating.
3. If I get a form message – a basic “Hey what’s up” without any acknowledgment that they read a single thing about me, I ignore it.
One time I wrote back to a guy and explained that by not acknowledging my profile, I assume he just looked at my pictures and based his judgment off of that. Additionally, when all he says is “Hey what’s up”, it doesn’t give me a lot to work with. I don’t expect the guy to do all of the work in carrying a conversation, but give me SOMETHING. This guy replied with some sob story about how he would write long messages to women and not get anything in return so he just quit trying because girls are sooooo mean. Give me a break.
4. If I’ve been messaging with someone back and forth and they suggest we meet up but I’m just not feeling it anymore, I will absolutely be straightforward with them.
I’ve been that person who disappears all of a sudden, and while it’s easy and I’m sure I have no obligation to explain it all to them, I just feel like that’s common courtesy. I don’t want to turn into a ghost.
How do you handle these situations? Anything you’ve encountered that I haven’t?