10 Things You Should NEVER Say to a Woman on the First Date

By: John Allen |

I’m out on the first date with a woman I met at a speed dating night. Her name is Maya. Strangely I didn’t meet her during the speed dating event itself. They had split us into two groups and I was on a different table to her. I met Maya during a break in dates. It turned out she had arrived with a mutual friend Simone, and we were all laughing about it. Eventually Maya and I were left chatting at the bar. After about ten minutes I knew I really fancied her. I went for broke and asked for her number saying I’d like to go out with her sometime. She giggled and we exchanged numbers.

One week later
We were sitting in a Tapas restaurant holding one of the most awkward conversations known to man. Despite having physical chemistry at the speed dating, we’d forgotten to check if we had any personal chemistry. We didn’t. And I made the first of many conversational errors throughout my time on the dating scene.
“Do you know what would be really funny?” I asked leaning across the table.
“No what?” Maya said.
“Let’s pretend I just proposed to you and you accepted.”
Silence.
“Why would we do that?”
“It would be funny! Plus I bet they’d give us something for free like a bottle of champagne!”
More silence.
“I think we should just get the bill,” Maya finished.

And the Oscar for Worst First Date Blunder goes to…

I didn’t see Maya after that. Our mutual friend Simone was diplomatic when I asked her what Maya thought of me. I came across as “Interesting” and a “Little bit crazy” apparently.

Top 10 Things You NEVER EVER SAY on a First Date

Whenever my brain disengaged from my mouth I chalked it up to “Maya Syndrome”. I’ve learnt a lot since then and have been around the block (metaphorically speaking) enough to know when I’m nervous. Recognising my nerves stops me from saying something really stupid. I’ve even compiled a short guide to aid any other intrepid dater who is scared of experiencing a similar fate.

1. “Let’s go back to mine (and share a bottle of wine)”
Not only does this sound like a warped Disney song, it’s also too pushy for a first date. If you end up sleeping together it’s because you feel comfortable enough with each other to do it. Suggesting sex so blatantly on the first date is stupid. Taking someone you barely know home to get drunk is really stupid.

2. “Wow, you’re really short!”
Complimenting a woman works. Just remember it could be taken as rudely as it sounds.

3. “This is my first date since I broke up with my girlfriend.”
Can anyone say ‘Mood killer?”

4. “I’m a really nice guy.”
Newsflash: Nice guys don’t say that. Do you know why? Because they’re usually too modest to say anything like that.

5. “Can I kiss you?”
I made this mistake shortly after I began dating again. I didn’t get a kiss. You don’t ask your date if you can kiss them. It kills any romance that might have been building. Body language is your ally on this one. Learn to read it.

6. “I’m really lonely…”
Cheque please!

7. “I have no inner monologue.”
I stole this line from Austin Powers. It didn’t work in the film and it didn’t work for me.

8. “My ex girlfriend used to say…”
Do remember where you are, why you’re there and who you’re with.

9. “How long have you been single?”
Guaranteed way to kill any romance that might have been budding.

10. “Why did you split up with your boyfriend?”
You might think it shows interest, but what your date hears is this: “Tell me about your relationship failures and I’ll judge you.” You either get no answer, or end up as her counselor for a few hours.

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