8 Things You Learn About Sex in Your Thirties

By: Simone Paget |

At the age of 31, I found myself single after being in a long term relationship for close to 6 years. What I quickly discovered is that sex and dating in your 30’s is a completely different ballgame than when you’re in you’re a twenty something.

Everyone’s experiences are different, however here are a few things I’ve learned about sex since being in my 30’s.

1. Raging hormones meets (more or less) better judgement: On one hand, your hormones are raging and you want to have as much sex as possible. However, after a decade of bad decisions in your 20′s you’re now way more selective about who you sleep with…well, sort of.  Being in your 30’s means wanting to have sex with everyone and no one, all at the same time. It’s weird. And fun. But mostly weird.

2. Sex comes in many different varieties. Orgasms are a must. Oh, and sex toys rock – As a single thirty-something you’ll have good sex, “Okay-ish” sex and sex that is so bad it’s comical. More often than not you’ll have sex with yourself. You’ll come to the conclusion that you can go without sex for a long time, however going without an orgasm is another story. This is where sex toys come in. Your collection of toys will grow exponentially to the point it actually intimidates some of the people you date.

3. Sadly, the Condom-Tug-A-War is alive and well – When you were in your twenties, it was never much of a struggle to get a guy to wear a condom (after all, who wants to disrupt college & your weekly appearance at 99 cent Margarita night with something pesky like an STI or a baby, right?!) however, this changes in your 30’s. You’ll meet a lot of guys who’ve either been married or in long term relationships who are completely anti-condom and insist you “just trust them.” Luckily you learned in your 20’s  that anyone who uses the line “just trust me!” should absolutely not be trusted.

4. It’s perfectly OK to decline a booty-call if you’d rather stay in your pajamas and listen to Serial. You’re not desperate. Just sayin’

5. Communication is so, so, important. Also, it’s never good to “surprise” someone with anal sex. If you’d like to have anal sex, it’s totally NOT OK to spit on your date’s ass-crack while having sex with her doggy-style and just hope she takes the hint. It’s likely she won’t want to have any kind of sex with you after that move. To be safe, just don’t spit on women… ever. Unless she asks you to do it. If she’s in her 30′s, she likely knows what she wants in bed and whoa, hormones be crazy at this age. Just roll with it. Unless it’s anal sex – you should always talk about that first.

6. Dick-bombs are a thing. Between the time that you were a twenty-something and a thirty-something, these little things called smartphones are invented and for some reason everyone decides to use them to start taking pictures of their genitals. You will receive a lot of random penis photos. So. Many. Penises.

7. You know what you want in bed. You also know that good chemistry and sexual chemistry is so, so, important. This becomes a “make or break” point when it comes to deciding whether you have a future with someone.

8. You learn to embrace casual sex but also recognize that your emotional needs have to be met – One of the biggest changes in your 30’s is that you’ll finally stop caring what other people think and own up to the fact that you love sex. However, you’ll also learn that along with passion and orgasms, you need to feel safe and protected. You want someone who will rip your clothes off, throw you down on the bed, say and do dirty things to you, but who will also hold you afterwards because they think you’re lovely & special. (spoiler alert: you’re still looking for this person – and that’s OK)

What have you learned about sex in your thirties?