How To Break Up With Your Boyfriend
By: Elizabeth Marie |
Breaking up with someone is the worst. Dare I say that being the dumper is actually harder than being the dumpee (technical terms) because really, who enjoys hurting someone great? Someone who at one time you saw a future with, someone who gave you butterflies and made you feel weak in the knees. It’s much easier to break-up with someone when there is a clean cut reason, like if they are a total jerk who made you feel terrible. Bye! See, that was easy! But ending a relationship with a person who you care about, a great guy who hasn’t done anything wrong is a totally different thing. And yet, sometimes it just has to be done.
One of our readers knows that she and her boyfriend aren’t meant to be, yet she’s struggling with ending the relationship in fear of hurting his feelings, plus she would like to stay friends. See Almie’s tips for breaking up with a guy who isn’t a total jerk in our latest video!
“How do I breakup with my boyfriend without hurting his feelings? He’s a great guy but I just don’t think we are right for each other. Is it possible to stay friends?”
Hi, I’m Almie Rose with ApocaLypstick, here to give you dating and relationship advice for We Love Dates. Let’s look at this week’s questions.
How do I break up with my boyfriend without hurting his feelings? He’s a great guy but I just don’t think we are right for each other. Is it possible to stay friends?
Yes but it might be a little bit tricky.
There’s really no way to break up with someone without hurting their feelings. Even if you tell them that it’s not them, it’s all you, it doesn’t matter. Their feelings are still going to be hurt. You were in a relationship, you were together, and now you’re not and that’s going to hurt no matter what you say.
As for how you can break up, be honest but kind. Honestly and kindness are the two most important things in a break up. You want to give them time to process everything that you said. You might be really tempted to hug them if they start crying or if they’re upset, but you may not want to do that because, as someone who has been broken up with, I didn’t want to be touched by the person who was breaking up with me. Give them some space. That’s really important. Give the person space.
As for the part about being friends, this part is going to get tricky. In order for you to be friends with your ex after the break up, there are two things they’re going to need: time and space. It doesn’t matter if you think you’d be the best of BFFs, they’re not going to see that right now. They’re too hurt. You’ve got to give them time and space. Now, what does that mean? Time is obviously don’t expect that right after the break up, they’re going to want to go out for snow cones. Space is that you need to avoid texting them unless they’ve made it clear that they still want to hear from you. Now, when you’re breaking up, you might have that moment of, “I really want to be friends” and people hear that so often that they don’t believe it. If you do really want to be friends, make it clear that you actually really, truly do want to be friends and ask them what it will take to get to that level of friendship, because if they don’t want it to happen, it’s not going to happen. Now, it’s different for everyone. Some people are ready to be friends the day after the breakup. Some need weeks, some need months. You’re the only one who knows. You know your ex best, or soon to be ex, best.
When you’re factoring in the time it’ll take to contact them again, factor also in what you know about him and how well you know him. Then, when you feel it’s appropriate, reach out. Reach out with a concrete plan and concrete ideas. Don’t just say hey, we should hang out sometime, because that will go nowhere. We all know that hey, we should hang out sometime means let’s pretend we’re going to hang out sometime and never talk about it again. We all know that. It’s almost like you’re starting from scratch and yet you’re not, because there’s so much you know about this person and have loved, but you’re starting over with them in a different way. You’re starting a friendship that was based on love, and that can always be tricky but it is doable, as long as you give them time and space and I feel for you, girl.
Break ups are hard. Even if you feel like he’s not the right fit for you, there’s still some sadness there. Acknowledge your feelings and it’s okay to be sad. Even if this is what you want, it’s still okay to be sad. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.