The Horrible Advice That Your “Man Brain” Gives You

By: Kevin Murray |

man brain

(Image courtesy of flickr.)



There’s the age old saying – men have two heads, the “big” head and the “little” head. It’s true the big head makes most of the decisions. However, a lot of spontaneous choices are made by the little head – when it comes to the bad choices men have made in their lives, the, ehem, smaller one  is usually the culprit. Like I’m pretty sure I’d be a 100 times more productive in life if my “man brain” wasn’t always chiming in with shitty ideas and things to make him happy. I know I’m not alone in this matter, they cause havoc for every guy – some more than others.

Just the tip, just for a second, just to see how it feels.

Ugh, such a good idea at the time. I mean there’s no worse momentum killer then rummaging through a draw, glove compartment or running to the bathroom for a condom during what’s set up to be a swift one night stand — don’t ask your dick what to do. 10 times out of 10 the little head will suggest no protection because it feels better, what’s the worst that can happen? Nine months later there’s a baby on the way. It was supposed to be just one night — now its 18 years. Only contract that sucks more is when the Islanders signed Dipietro.

Go head say it, see what happens.

When your sexual desires get desperate you start suggesting stupid ideas. This is typically the case when guys make cat calls to women. Not sure why yelling random crap from across the street or bar feels like the way to go. And even if it did work, would you really want this weird, overzealous chick touching you?

Buy that expensive car, it will totally make our job easier.

So we just shine this new ride up, hit the town and chicks will be clawing at each other to hop in, right? Ya, just like the movies. Why we’re at it, lets get some new speakers and a few subwoofers in back so the girls can hear us coming from a mile away. Good plan, it’s definitely going to work.


This dudes trying to creep on our girlfriend. Got to protect the fort – challenge him!

Never really understood what the little head’s problem is here. You want to date a hot chick, well you got one. Don’t go acting like a psycho every time a guy tries to talk to her – shit comes with the territory. Only the dick would turn another guy basically complimenting your girl into a street fight. Grow up.

Text a selfie in the mirror showing of your abs – better yet, send it from the gym.

Classic dick, coming up with a horrible suggestion like this. Have you ever asked a chick how much she loves getting mirror selfies from dudes? She loathes it. Then you sprinkle in a few gym pics and you got yourself a douche bag sundae. Nothing says come sleep with me like picturing a dude in his dirty gym shorts with sweaty balls.

Hey, let me buy you a drink.

No, no, no! How many times do we have to go over this? Just because you buy a girl a drink doesn’t mean she has talk to you and entertain the idea of giving you a mouth hug later. You end up being just like every other asshole in here who can’t come up with an original idea. No more handing out free drinks.

Mention that you’ve read 50 Shades of Grey on your dating profile, “just to see what it was all about.“

Ohhh look at you, Mr. Provocateur! There’s three kinds of women that read 50 Shades of Grey those that only dream about fucking like that, those that hope to fuck like that and those that already fuck like that. Either way you better be ready to back that shit up. Don’t mention 50 shades of Grey if your mind can’t handle what your Dick is promoting.  I feel like way too many men underestimate how kinky most women really are, but that’s an entirely different blog.

Friggin little head, always gettin in the way causing problems.


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