You’ve Got Mail! How Many Emails Should You Exchange Before Meeting?

By: Elizabeth Marie |

When online dating, it’s all about forward progression.  Next steps after next steps after next steps-hopefully ending in an amazing real life date that exceeds your wildest fantasies.

To get to your face to face meeting, you have to jump through some hoops and make sure the ball keeps rolling.  First up, email!  The good news?  You’ve received an email from someone you actually want to keep talking to rather than just delete! Win! Now it’s time to make sure this email train doesn’t go on forever-but how many emails is too many?

There is not  a set rule stating how many emails you should exchange before meeting.  It comes down to what you’re looking for.

Ask yourself how seriously you are dating. If you are just casually dating and using your online dating profile to meet as many people as possible as quickly as possible (hey, we’ve done it), one or two emails will suffice.  One email saying hello and the second agreeing on a meeting location will do just fine.  There’s no need to get into any deep conversations via email when all you really want to do is grab a beer together. If you find yourself constantly having to email someone back, you’ll get bored quickly and move on to the next.

If you are looking for something more serious and therefore you are being more selective in your online dating process, more and longer email correspondence will be required.  In this situation, it’s important to ask a few of the hard questions before you meet someone in person, i.e “What are you really looking for?” or “Do you want children?” No, you aren’t offering to pop out twins on the spot, but if you are deadset on having 3 kids and the guy you are emailing doesn’t want any, it’s a good thing you found this out via email rather than wasting a first date.  Finding a true love connection can take time, so it’s ok to invest a few days or weeks in playing email tag to ensure you are on the same page, as long as you are continually learning about the other person and enjoying the conversation.

There are some people who use online dating as a guise to get email buddies and email buddies only.  If your offers to meet up in person are constantly denied, it might be time to stop responding.  Your time is precious, so don’t waste it!