New Beginnings and Butterflies is a post from: WeLoveDates Online Dating Blog – Signup for free UK Online Dating & Adult Dating!

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A Little Longing Is Good

When it comes to balance, a little distance from your man does make you want and appreciate the time you’re with him all the more. So if you’re looking forward to seeing your guy, that’s good. If you’re beside yourself with alone time and feeling lonely, that’s not. To develop a healthy relationship, you must engage with hobbies and friends away from your man.

Your Man is Happy and You’re Not

If your man thinks the amount of time you spend apart is perfect while you, on the other hand, are feeling like you need more, you need to take a step back and evaluate the situation. Are you being unreasonable with the amount of time you spend together? Do you not have enough self-confidence to be alone?

If you feel that you’re self-assured in your solitary time and yet still feel that you don’t get enough time from your man, it’s time for a talk with him. He might have different ideas about what a healthy relationship looks like. He might be unwilling to commit to you. Discuss your concerns and don’t let them build, but be reasonable. Be sure to look at your relationship with an objective eye, and see if you and your man can come to a compromise. Define what it is exactly that you’re looking for. Do you have a standing date? Are you together during holidays and birthdays? Do you want more time during the week? When you figure out what you’re looking for, then you’re ready to discuss your concerns with your guy.

You’re Happy, Your Man Is Not

The opposite problem of the one above is when you’re perfectly happy with the amount of alone time you have but your man craves more togetherness. When this happens, it usually means the man is looking for more of a commitment. Perhaps your guy is looking for marriage and you’re not. If you’re out of sync with your guy in any way, it’s time to look at what the problem represents. Are you as serious about your relationship as your guy? Be honest with yourself.

To answer the overall question of “how much alone time is normal,” the answer is that it’s different for every couple. The key isn’t how much time you spend alone but rather if you’re happy with it. If you and your guy are happy with the way things are, then you’re doing okay. If not, take a step back and decide if you and your man are out of sync in other ways, too.

How Much Alone Time is Normal? is a post from: WeLoveDates Online Dating Blog – Signup for free UK Online Dating & Adult Dating!

Him-”So yeah, I need to have the DTR and make sure she knows she’s in the friend-zone.”

Me-”Have the what?”

Him (blank stare)-”You don’t know what the DTR is? DEFINE THE RELATIONSHIP? How do you not know this? I can’t believe you don’t know this!”

Me-”Whatever.”

The DTR-Define The Relationship. Now that I know what it is, I started thinking about the past DTR’s I’ve had in my life, the one’s I should be having right now, and the ones that are to come. Defining a relationship is hard, I guess.  I’ve been lucky to kind of just fall seamlessly into relationships where there are no questions, I like you, you like me, we are WE, ain’t love grand?

Lately though, as I open myself up more and more to the dating world, things just aren’t so easy. Does he like me? Do I even like him? Do I actually not like him but just want him to like me? What ARE we? Are we a WE? Is love all that grand?

A define the relationship talk is a lot more than just passing a “Do you like me? Check yes or  no” note…although, GOSH wouldn’t that be easy.  I think the proper time to DTR it is when you can’t stop thinking about how you want to know, yes it’s just a label but that label MEANS something. Saying someone is “my boyfriend” means something, saying that he is “my friend” means something else entirely, and both are important and wonderful things to have.

I instigated a DTR the other day because I wanted to protect myself.  I wanted him to know how I felt, I needed to know how he felt…a DTR, while scary and annoying and vulnerable is completely necessary.  Don’t let your feelings float around in mid-air, hoping the other person will catch them, will know how you feel, will love you back.  OR don’t let him or her continue to develop feelings for you if you know they aren’t going to be reciprocated-if you like them just as a friend, tell them.  If you want more, ask for it.

What’s the worst that could happen? Heartbreak? I’m not scared of you, heartbreak. I’ve been there. Nothing some ice cream, good friends and new possibilities can’t handle.

The DTR-Define The Relationship is a post from: WeLoveDates Online Dating Blog – Signup for free UK Online Dating & Adult Dating!

It’s confusing, because as women we are people pleasers. We want to make people happy, including our man. So when a man pulls away we tend to do more… we call more, email more, text more…. we smother him. Which, in turn, makes him pull away more.

What’s a girl to do? Here is some advice for when a man pulls away from you.

Give Him an Opportunity to Tell You

While guys do not like to talk about their feelings (in general), a woman can satisfy her curiosity as to what’s going on with him by asking him if things are okay. Cite the behavior you’ve witnessed (you came home and went right to the computer for five hours without saying hello, you don’t seem to want to talk to me on the phone, you are being wishy washy on our plans for the weekend) and ask him if there is anything wrong. Give him the opportunity to tell you. Just ask him once.

If the guy is mature, he will realize that you’ve recognized his sullenness (which he is probably thinking that he’s hiding) and will take the opportunity to talk to you.

If he is unsure of his feelings, or if he’s a bit immature at the whole relationship thing, he will shrug and say nothing. I repeat, if this happens, do not ask him again.

Take a Step Back

As hard as it is, if a guy pulls away then you must pull away also. You don’t have to completely find someone new, but if a guy is unverbally asking for space, you have to give it. Use the time to determine if this guy is worth your time. Don’t make it about him (I wonder what’s wrong, I wonder if he still wants to see me) but rather, make it out you (do I deserve this behavior, is this what I want in a relationship.) After sufficient time has passed (a couple weeks) if your guy has not made an effort to call you, email you, talk to you, and the like, and he is still acting wishy washy, it might be time to break up. Tell the guy you don’t understand his behavior, but it isn’t what you want in a relationship. You deserve more than that.

When Your Man Pulls Away is a post from: WeLoveDates Online Dating Blog – Signup for free UK Online Dating & Adult Dating!

Meaning, I like him. A lot. He likes me a lot. But he just got out of a relationship, a three year, messy, disastrous relationship that just ended, literally. I find myself constantly being there for him, lifting him up, making him laugh and smile and investing.  But it’s not always reciprocated. I told myself I wouldn’t fall,  I never intended to…the first couple of times we hung out I wanted to stab my eyes out with a fork because all he did was talk about her, going around around in circles and really, at that point-what can you say?

I wanted to say, “She was a horrible bitch and you are better off”, but kicking him when he’s down isn’t my style. I wanted to be his friend, and that’s it. We have history, we’re there for each other.

Now I feel like I’m straight out of the Taylor Swift song, “You Belong With Me” and I never thought I’d be here. Friends tell me not to talk to him, hang out with him, be there for him, but I can’t stop. Part has got to be masochistic, but the other part-I really care about this guy. If I’m being completely honest, I want to tell him that I think he hung the moon. That he’s wonderful. That I see us together happy, and that I would never treat him the way she did.

I don’t want to be used though-I don’t want him to know he’ll get what he needs from me (not physically), but emotionally, mentally, etc…heal, and then move on to someone else.  I need to pull the reins in a little. I need him to heal on his own for him to see things clearly-to see me clearly.

Until then, I’m Liz. And I’m changing my mind. I’m not a rebound girl.

On The Rebound is a post from: WeLoveDates Online Dating Blog – Signup for free UK Online Dating & Adult Dating!

In other words, you can’t help it. You think of them, you want them, you’re sad…. and it’s not your fault. It doesn’t necessarily mean that the person was right for you, or that ending your relationship was the wrong decision. What it does mean is that you have to be extra kind to yourself in allowing time to get over your break up. Here are some tips to making the transition from “broken up” to “moved past it” a bit smoother.

Give it Time!

The first time that recently broken up folks tend to do is try and either get back with their ex or move on immediately to someone else. The problem with getting back with the person (who is probably feeling just as badly as you are) is that there was a reason you broke up. You aren’t right for each other. So try and avoid this unless you really, really believe ending your relationship was a huge mistake.

Moving on to someone else might seem like a good idea, but the problem with that is your brain needs time to process your break up. You need time to fully get over your ex relationship, so you don’t bring all the baggage and hurt into your new one. Think of spending some time alone as a way to way to make sure your very best self is available to meet the right person this time.

Don’t Second Guess Your Decision

While you might want to believe that you are “undateable” now that someone has dumped you, don’t get caught up in this thinking. Getting dumped is no personal reflection on you at all, rather, it simply means that you and your ex would be better with other people.

Be Good to Yourself

Many people spend some time after a break up crying and not eating right. If you’re sad, let your emotions out. But also remember to exercise, eat right, and spend time with friends. In short, be good to yourself! A break up doesn’t define you, so make sure you take care to get your bearings again before heading off into the dating world.

You’re Not Crazy, Getting Dumped is as Bad as Giving Up Drugs is a post from: WeLoveDates Online Dating Blog – Signup for free UK Online Dating & Adult Dating!

Standards, standards, standards…it was all I could think about. The standards to which I hold my friends, my parents, myself, men…probably why I’m single.

A girls gotta have standards though.

Are standards black and white? When do we make exceptions? In talking to a friend who shared a similar experience growing up, I realized that the standards I once held my father to have changed…have they lowered? No, I don’t think so. Have I realized that he’s not who I want him to be…but instead someone I can love, learn from, count on in a different way? Yes. If I let myself.

I have to keep my standards when it comes to matters of my heart though, a girls gotta.
You don’t get to choose your parents. But I will choose the next him. Hopefully the last him. I know I write about this a lot…and I fear gaining the reputation of sad single girl. I most def am not, trust when I say that meeting great guys is not the problem, but blogging is more to me than posting pictures…it’s a release. I know, as so many of you have told me, that when you know, you know, that it will happen when you least expect it, and I’m cool with that, really, I am.

I can’t help but wonder (hello Carrie Bradshaw, sorry), if my standards are TOO high. Is that even possible? I just hate that weird feeling, the red flags that so often I’ve ignored, the settling…the I KNEW YOU WOULD DO THAT fights, or thoughts..that have left me walking a mile down the Vegas strip alone at 3am in a mini and 5 inchers, being followed by creeps, afraid to call my friends or family for fear of the inevitable ” I told you so’s…” because I already told myself so. Nobody is harder on me…than me.

Standards. I’m sticking to my standards. They’re high. And when I meet him, and I just know, and it’s when I least expect it, I won’t have to lower them. If anything…he better raise me up, he’s gotta.

What are some of your standards?

A girl’s gotta have standards… is a post from: WeLoveDates Online Dating Blog – Signup for free UK Online Dating & Adult Dating!

So how different is the dating world once you’ve turned 50? That depends on your experience, and each dater has a slightly different take. One thing is for sure, dating when you’re 50 and over is not the same as when you were in your teens. Here are a couple common situations for the dating crowd, along with some advice on making your experience the very best possible.

After a Long-Term Relationship or Marriage

When you’re used to being married for many years, you fall into a pattern or two. Not only that, but you get used to having someone around all the time. So one of the first things many seniors have to do when they re-enter the dating world is get used to spending some time with friends or by themselves.

Being comfortable with your own company is important, because it will help you make better dating choices. If you’re okay going solo a time or two, you’ll be less apt to jump into a relationship with someone who treats you bad, isn’t right for you, or just doesn’t want the same things you do. ‘

Learning to Date Casually

Dating casually doesn’t mean sleeping around. Instead, it means getting to know different people on a platonic level. This is important, especially when you’re older, because thinking has changed over the last couple years about dating and relationships. People cannot assume that they are exclusive with someone. So even if you’ve been going out with a guy for a while, for example, you still need to talk about exclusivity and what it means. Just because he’s there every Friday night doesn’t mean he isn’t with someone else Saturday night.

A good approach today is to get to know a few people. Date casually with various people until you find one you want to become more serious about. Then bring up the issue of exclusivity.

Taking Advantage of All the Latest Ways to Meet Someone New

The great news about being 50 and single is that there has never been a better time to meet someone new. Online dating, speed dating, lunch dating, and singles events are all good ways to meet other singles. There are also several sites who cater to the over 50 age group, making it that much easier to meet the right person.

Dating Over 50 – Introducing Over50sDates.com is a post from: WeLoveDates Online Dating Blog – Signup for free UK Online Dating & Adult Dating!

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I can only speak for myself, and my situation…and my situational boyfriend. Can we use SB, because “situational” is starting to look weird every time I type it.

My SB is great. Easy on the eyes, charismatic, funny. I am always with my SB lately, whether we’re working out, getting lunch or sitting on the couch doing nothing. My SB buys me wheatgrass shots, beer, drives me home in traffic, listens to me whine and complain about the other men in my life and offers great advice. My SB is there for me, and I’m there for him. He knows me, without the hair, the makeup, he calls me on my shit but also makes a point to build me up. I would call him to kill a spider, put together a dresser or go wine tasting with.

Why isn’t he your boyfriend then, right? (I know what you’re thinking!)

I don’t know, and I actually don’t think about it. I don’t believe that people are just brought into each others lives by chance, I don’t think things just happen. My SB and I are on the same page, same level but slightly different journeys, if that makes any sense. We are each other’s sounding boards-and I think we need that right now more than anything else. I needed a guy I could count on, who doesn’t have an agenda, who I can trust, who takes care of me and wants to see me happy. And more than anything, I want to see him happy, and you best believe if any girls mess with my SB, I will bust out the Colombian fury and pull some hair.

I don’t have many male friends. I have, in all honesty, 2 that I hang out with alone, who aren’t trying to get in my pants and who’s company I genuinely enjoy. As I’m navigating this crazy dating game, I can’t help but compare the guys I date to my SB. He’s raised the bar, and shown me what I deserve, and until I meet him, he’s going to be there for me. But it’s not like once I do meet Mr. Wonderful, SB goes out the window. Just like every relationship, ours will evolve. It’s like I texted him…

“You were here before this guy, and you’ll be here after.”

Not every relationship with the opposite sex has to be some dramatic love affair. Some of the best are the ones you just don’t have to worry about like my SB who assures me I won’t get fat after drinking a gatorade but doesn’t judge me for asking-he handles my crazy and still loves me. My SB made me forget a huge romantic letdown a few weeks ago-not by trying to slip in and take advantage, but by splitting a brownie with me and just listening.

Do you have female/male friends? What do your significant others think of your relationship?

The Beauty Of Having A Situational Boyfriend is a post from: WeLoveDates Online Dating Blog – Signup for free UK Online Dating & Adult Dating!

The woman seemed nice enough. She was bubbly and a good businesswoman. She had gone from bartender to millionaire in just seven years. So one would wonder why her boyfriend didn’t want to get married? It was obvious that the woman did. She still, after 15 years, held out hope to get married to this guy. At the end of the show, he was still being noncommittal and I got the impression he was probably going to string her along for another 15 years.

The whole thing got me thinking about how not to get a guy to commit. After all, if becoming a millionaire and buying a new house especially for your guy doesn’t work, what does? Or, more to the point, what things should you watch out for if you’re looking to get married and your guy doesn’t.

You Feel That You’ve “Put in the Time” and You Might As Well Stick It Out

Many women feel that once they’ve been with a guy for a certain number of years, they might as well keep going because they put in the time. This is flawed thinking because if a guy doesn’t want to marry you, that opinion won’t change just because he’s with you longer. A guy will date a girl for years that he has no intention of marrying.

You Cater to His Needs to Show Him What a Catch You Are

Relationships are give and take, but if you’re the one doing all the giving while he’s doing all the taking you’ve got a problem. Guys won’t love you more if you do more for them. So if you’re the one: always making dinner, always running errands, always going to the movies he likes, and he isn’t reciprocating, stop wasting your time and wish him the best. Find a guy that understands what a relationship really is.

You Change Your (Job, Hair, Weight, Friends, Hobbies) So He’ll Love You More

Changing yourself in order to get your guy to love you more will never work. If he doesn’t love you when you’re blond, he isn’t going to love you as a redhead. He might like it for a few days… but love? The kind of deeply spiritual love most people hope to achieve? It will never happen.
In short, if you have to change yourself because your guy doesn’t want to get married, don’t even bother. Find a guy that has the same life goals as you instead. He doesn’t want to commit? Dump him. Find a guy that does.

How NOT to Get a Man to Commit is a post from: WeLoveDates Online Dating Blog – Signup for free UK Online Dating & Adult Dating!