Everyone has exes, and I would put money on the fact that most of us have one of those exes – the ones that never actually disappear and have a tendency to come out of the woodwork at very inconvenient times. In my experience, they come out in full force just after I’ve started a new relationship, almost as if they had a sixth sense.

I know how to deal with my exes – placate their need to “catch up”, remind them that they broke up with me, and assure them they will not be lonely forever. But how do you handle it when someone you’re involved with is forced to deal with an ex situation? Seeing as how I recently found myself doing just that, I thought I’d share my strategies.

1. Be compassionate. We’ve all been there, and it’s not fun. I don’t envy anyone who has to work through all of the confusion that a resurfacing ex brings, especially if the ex is feeling like they want to get back together. As hard as it might be to understand through your hurt feelings in that moment, start from a place of empathy.

2. Tell them where you stand. Honesty is imperative at this point, and being honest with yourself is the most important. Make sure you know where you draw the line and stick with that. If you want to continue seeing them, then let them know that you will be there when they figure things out. If things weren’t going that great anyway, maybe now is the time to let it go.

3. Take a step back. Give them the space they need to work through their feelings about this. For some people it might not be a big deal and they’ll get over it quickly, but others might take longer. Decide how much time you’re willing to spend waiting, and then honor that.

We all have a past that we have to face every now and then, so my best advice is to be understanding and compassionate about it while also ensuring you are respected.

What To Do When Their Ex Comes Back is a post from the: WeLoveDates online dating blog

As we mature so do our interactions with the opposite sex or at least they should. I can’t tell you how many women I’ve seen who think they are being adorable and flirty but in reality are making themselves look like teenage girls, all giggly and ridiculous. Why have you aged but your flirting techniques haven’t? As we learn about men, ourselves, and the intricacies of relationships shouldn’t our flirting techniques change to accommodate this new knowledge? One would think, but far too often I’ve seen that this just isn’t the case. Here are my top five flirting techniques to leave behind in your teenage years.

The Vapid Giggle

Ladies, we are adults now so why are you acting like a little girl? Who wants a woman who laughs at everything they say with a blank expression on their face? No man that I know and no man that I’d ever want to be with. If he says something funny then laugh but don’t laugh just to boost his ego. This doesn’t work for several reasons. First, it makes you look and sound like an empty headed moron. Secondly, he probably knows that you don’t actually find his job in tire sales funny!

Instead let’s graduate to listening to what he is saying. When he is done talking ask a follow up question. Actually engage in the conversation. I promise you that actually being interested in what he’s saying will be much more effective then just pretending to be. Let’s give the guys some credit, they can tell the difference.

The Hair Twirl

The hair twirling or even worse, chewing, makes you look like a vapid idiot. Do not do this! It’s not sexy; it’s not flirty. You think it is endearing and cute to twirl your hair around your finger while you stare longingly into his eyes? I promise you that you look childish and worse it often looks like a nervous tick. You are distracting him from listening to you and it’s hard to be taken seriously when you look like a prepubescent girl. Add a piece of chewing gum and you’d belong in Clueless. Believe me when I say this is not the vibe you are going for.

We all know that body language is important but touching your hair or pushing it behind your ears is more age appropriate. Subtle touches to your face, neck, collar bone will bring his eyes to more flattering parts of your body in a confident and sexy way. If you really want to step up your game you can try licking your lips but let’s not overdo this one.

Playground Flirting

This is also known as insulting, punching, or otherwise putting down a guy to gain his attention. When did this ever work? When the boy pushed you down on the playground and went home crying to your mom and she said, “oh that just means he likes you’. You didn’t feel any better about being shoved to the ground, right? So why, as an adult woman, do you feel it is okay to punch, slap, or put down a man as a way to show affection? You see how silly that is right? Putting him down to build yourself up is ridiculous. Insulting him in order to gain his attention, albeit negative attention, is not effective and it’s incredibly immature.

You don’t always have to be serious though. You can joke with your special guy to show your playfulness and sense of humor. You can tease him playfully about things but a blow to his ego is not the way you want to go. A man likes a woman who can give as well as take when it comes to playful banter. When you can hold your own around his friends and nobody needs to tiptoe around you that can be sexy. Be prepared with a witty comeback or pithy saying but keep it above the belt.

Putting down other men/women

“He actually thought he had a chance with me but I’m much more interested in you.” Oh geez, really? He should be flattered right? You’ve just succeeded in making yourself look like a bitch. Yes, creating competition will make you marginally more desirable but to do so at the expense of putting other people down will not earn you any bonus points. Critiquing other women, discussing how stupid his ex was to let him go, or what a jerk your ex was is not appropriate behavior. This behavior may have worked in high school but in the adult world people can see through the façade to the insecure woman who lies beneath.

You are a wonderful woman worthy of a good man, so act like it. Don’t put down your ex and don’t judge his. If you talk about others he knows a day will come where you’ll talk about him as well. No man can value and trust a woman who gossips as a way to gain attention. Get attention for your understanding, your compassion, and your ability to see the good in people. Act like a mature adult and set the bar high for expectations of his behavior as well.

Pretending to be helpless/dumb/the victim

This was the number one qualm of both men/women that I talked to. Women who act stupid for fear that their intelligence will be viewed as a turn off are not sexy. Sexy is smart women who can hold their own in a conversation. Sitting next to a man and watching football and pretending that you can’t follow it so he can explain it to you is not endearing. I’m not talking about asking him hang a towel rack so he feels like he’s helping you when in reality you could do it. I’m talking about the women who can’t do anything by themselves, need their guy’s input on all decisions, and never speak for themselves or seem to have an opinion of their own.

Yes, men want to feel that they can provide for, protect, and bring something to the table but they don’t need to rescue a helpless damsel. Do not dumb yourself down for any man. A good man, the right man, will love your intelligence and it will be on his biggest turn-on. As a strong adult woman you don’t need to lessen yourself to gain acceptance. You are better than that!

So, ladies, let’s raise the bar on our behavior and flirt like the fabulous women we are. We want to attract a good man, a mature man, and the only way to do that is to act like adults ourselves. Unless you want to relive the rollercoaster ride of emotions that was high school relationships let’s ditch the methods that would attract high school guys. Aging doesn’t always have to mean growing up, except for when it does, and relationships and interactions with men are one thing that have to mature to remain healthy.

5 Flirting Techniques To Leave In High School is a post from the: WeLoveDates online dating blog

1. Give Him a Chance. When I used to complain about guys to my mom, she would say things like “take it easy on him” or “well, maybe he didn’t mean it that way.” At first, I would get pissed off because she wasn’t up in arms like I was and cursing them into oblivion, but now I see that she was teaching me that there are two sides to every story, and not every guy I meet is an asshole, even if he makes mistakes.

2. Don’t Talk Badly About The Person You Love…Or Used to Love. To this day, I have never heard my mother say anything nasty about my father, and that’s not because she was trying to put on a happy face for her children. When I asked her why she was always so PC, she simply said, “Well, I loved him a lot at one point…that’s all that matters.” This is why you’ll never hear me bitch and moan about my boyfriend, even when he annoys the crap out of me.

3. Sometimes You Have To Follow Love. My mom followed the love of her life to different countries, states and resigned herself to always being on the go because it meant being with him. At the time, I could never understand why she would give up so much to be with the man she loved, but now, sitting next to my boyfriend on the couch I can honestly say, I get it. While every situation is different, I’m thankful that she showed me that it’s not always about my needs and wants…when you’re in love, you’re a team.

4. Don’t Put Up With Being Treated Poorly. My mom doesn’t tolerate much b.s, and thanks to her, I don’t either. She taught me to expect the best from the men I date, and to never lower my standards. Sometimes, I thought my standards were too high, because it would have been a hell of a lot easier to lower them, but I’m glad I stayed true to how my mother raised me.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the beautiful moms out there! xoxo

4 Things My Mom Taught Me About Love is a post from the: WeLoveDates online dating blog

Heather Rutman, author of the tongue in cheek book “Girls Guide to Depravity” claims that there is no greater libido killer than a guy who insists on splitting the bill on the first date. The question of “who should pay” on a first date seems to be a never ending and highly contentious discussion in the dating world. Everyone seems to have a different opinion on the matter. Here’s my take:

I once went out on a first date with a guy, who when we arrived at the restaurant blatantly told me that he wasn’t going to order anything because he was broke. It was dinner time and I was hungry so I ordered a meal. The first part of our date involved him sipping on an ice water, watching as I ate a giant bowl of spaghetti. If his goal was to immediately kill all romance and make things as awkward as possible, he succeeded. This happened years ago when I had less dating experience. If the same thing had happened today, I probably would have walked out. Instead, I’ve chalked it up to a learning experience.

I’m not a materialistic girl by any means but I do abide by the following rule:

If you ask me out, you should be able to afford to treat me. 

 I guess I’m old fashioned in this sense but I love it when a guy immediately reaches for the bill on a first date. With that said, I don’t automatically assume a guy will pay on the first date. I always politely offer to chip in. However, I love it when he refuses and says “don’t worry about it!” It’s nice and it makes me feel special. If we continue to date, one of my favorite things is to treat my boyfriend to a meal at his favorite restaurant however, for the first date (especially if he’s asked you out) I feel like the guy should at least offer to pick up the bill. Whether you want to chip in as well is up to you.

As Rutman says in her book, during the first date he should be thinking about you and how lovely & charming you are…NOT about how much two beers is going to cost him at the end of the night.

When it comes to who pays on a first date here are my rules:

(Feel free to disagree with me here. This is just my personal take on the situation)

1) Whoever asked the other person out should offer to treat.

2) Don’t assume he’ll pay. Be polite and always carry enough cash to pay your way if needed.

3) If having someone pay for you makes you uncomfortable, that’s totally cool too. Be polite and speak up.

4) If you end up on a date with “Mr. I’m Too Broke to Order an Entree” do yourself a favor and walk out. From personal experience, the date doesn’t get any better. Just trust me on this.

Who do you think should pay on the first date?

Who Should Pay on the First Date? is a post from the: WeLoveDates online dating blog

The last couple guys I’ve dated were 7 years older than me. One of the relationships crashed and burned within a month or two, and the other is still going strong a year in. These two dating episodes are by far my favorite relationship experiences, so I highly recommend accepting a date with an older guy if you have the chance. But if you do, there are definitely some things you need to watch out for.

1. Trust your instincts. Sometimes an older man may be charming for no other reason than to get in your pants. If that’s what you want too, go for it—but if you’re looking for an eventual relationship, it’s safer to listen to your gut. You’ll usually be able to sense deep down whether a long-term relationship is feasible or not.

2. You have to be on the same “level”. Before you head into anything serious, be sure to take a step back and look at where this man is in life (and where he’s headed, if he hasn’t gotten to where he wants to be yet). Is this the direction you’ve been looking to go in life? Is there too much of a gap in maturity level? These are incredibly important red flags to watch out for.

3. Don’t change yourself. Being completely honest with yourself is SO important for dating and relationships. But when it comes to dating someone who is largely different than yourself in some way (such as someone who’s older), it’s easy to fall into the trap of fooling yourself that the person you think he wants is the direction you want to head in life. If you feel the need to change course from what you’ve always wanted to do, or have to hide some aspect of yourself from him, you’re in dangerous territory. Be strong and stay true to who you are!

4. Don’t hope to change him. This goes for any relationship, but especially for someone older. Say you want 3 kids and he’s mentioned that he wants none. NEVER think you can make him change his mind! Even if it’s not quite so major an issue as children, don’t assume you can convert him to your point of view when it comes to anything that’s important to you. Older guys (and many younger men, for that matter) know what they want in life, so if the two of you don’t want the same things, don’t waste your time pursuing anything serious. It’ll only lead to disaster!

These cautions are things I’ve had to learn the hard way, but luckily, in my second round of dating an older guy, I took these lessons to heart. I chose not to settle for anyone who didn’t match my relationship wants and needs, and I couldn’t be happier because of it. I hope you choose the same!

Tips For Dating An Older Man is a post from the: WeLoveDates online dating blog

The idea of “pick-up lines” makes me laugh. It seems funny to me that we have developed an entire strategy for saying hello to a stranger, but only in certain situations and only when you find that stranger attractive. Ridiculous, right? What happened to saying HELLO?

So it should come as no surprise to anyone that I have collected all of my favorite cheesy pick up lines right here for your pleasure. None of these have ever been used on me, or any of my friends for that matter, but I haven’t given up hope. Perhaps one day a man will be so put off by beauty and charm that he will forget how to say hello!

(Also, it should come as no surprise to any of you who know me that I recently created “business cards” with my name and phone number on one side and a cheesy pick up line on the other side. I’m turning this into a social experiment by handing them out to strangers who are cute and seeing what happens. Fool proof, no?)

1. Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.

2. Did it hurt? -Did what hurt? -When you fell from heaven?

3. You must be tired. -Why? -Because you’ve been running through my mind all night.

4. Do you come here often?

5. Does it smell like upsexy in here to you? -What’s upsexy? -Not too much, what’s up with you?

6. So which one of these guys/girls in here is your boyfriend/girlfriend?

7. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

I love all of these lines so much for their brazen corniness and proven ineffectiveness. Though I suppose if someone had the gall to approach me with one of these lines, I would probably laugh hysterically and high five them. So I guess maybe it would work.

What’s your favorite pick-up line? Have any actually worked?

The Best (Worst?) Cheesy Pick-Up Lines is a post from the: WeLoveDates online dating blog

Think about it this way-what would you say to someone you’ve just met at a bar? Or bumped into in line at the grocery store?

This isn’t an invitation to completely overshare and scare someone away though, as was this case this weekend when my best friend received an email from a guy on an online dating site, inquiring about if she would like it if he dressed up in lingerie and came over to clean her house. Needless to say, she passed on his offer. So while this might have been him telling her what he liked and being honest in an attempt to completely be himself, the only thing he succeeded in doing was totally scaring her off. That was a little too honest.

The key is to strike a balance between being authentic and genuine while keeping in mind that first impressions are everything. There is no point in hiding who you are online, no matter what you’re into, but remember that the point of online dating is to attract as many people as possible, not freak them out before they even have a chance to say “hello.”

So yeah, basically what I’m saying is before you offer to clean a strangers house naked, you should probably take them out for coffee first. Let your freak flag wave, just not too high.

Let Your Freak Flag Fly (But Not Too High) is a post from the: WeLoveDates online dating blog

Meeting someone for the first time can be an exciting experience. It can also be somewhat devastating if you do not have the the right kind of perspective and expectations in place.

The idea here is for you to design a pleasurable experience for the both of you, even if you decide to go your separate ways. By taking this approach you’re offering the utmost respect and consideration for both individuals involved.

Great First Dates Start With You
The majority of what makes a date great comes from your viewpoint and attitude about it. Outside of common courtesy and etiquette, there are a few aces you can have up your sleeve to make sure your first meeting is a great one.

1. Remove the pressure. Your first date is the opportunity to get to know someone, not to impress, wine and dine, or sell yourself. Set up your meeting for a quick cup of tea or coffee and have nice chat so you can get to know each other. The main purpose here is find out if there is a connection or any chemistry to build on.

2. Enjoy yourself. By removing the pressure from the experience, it clears the way for you to enjoy yourself, open up, and have fun. This is what meeting someone new is all about. Be sure to appreciate the experience for what it is. Even if there isn’t a mutual connection, you’re enhancing your ability to find one just by getting yourself excited and enthusiastic about getting out there.

3. Play it by ear. If things are going well in a low pressure and fun setting you can always adjust. Head out for dinner, go catch a movie, be spontaneous, or even set up your second date. Conversely, you always want to account for situations where things aren’t working out. If its not there, do not dance around or avoid bring it up. Thank her for her time and consideration and be sure to part ways respectfully. You’ll never be in the wrong with being upfront, genuine, and honest.

Take The Lead Today
The best way to implement these three steps is to start with a simple adjustment in your mindset. You’re the only one with the power to take charge of your social life. Know that the dating process is not just about finding someone, it’s about finding out more about yourself. Relationships enable you to empower yourself and define who you are, and with that comes the natural process of becoming a more attractive person. The more in-tune you are with your thoughts, knowledge, emotions, and ability to connect – the more others will be, too. This is where truly beneficial relationships are born.

Jason Anthony is the founder of the personal development site EvenMinds. He shares ideas and philosophies on dating, love, and relationships to enhance one of the three vital dimensions related to your fulfillment.

How To Orchestrate a Great First Date is a post from the: WeLoveDates online dating blog

Years ago when I was living in Toronto, Canada, I was dating this guy that I was head over heels crazy about. Midway through our courtship he was scheduled to go on a vacation to Britain. Before he left, he promised me that he would bring me back something from his trip. I was hoping for something quintessentially British like one of those cute shopping bags from Harrods or an item from Top Shop (something at the time that we were not able to get in Canada) Instead, when he returned he said, “I got this for you!” and handed me a miniature wooden Totem Pole that you can easily buy in most tourist gift shops in Toronto. I asked him:

“Where did you manage to find this in London?”

To which he replied:

“I found this great store that specializes in items from Canada! I know your hometown is known for its Totem Poles so when I saw this, I immediately thought of you!”

I thought it was an odd gift however, I was in love with him so I let it slide.  A few months later our relationship ended in a bitter break-up for unrelated reasons.

I forgot about his gift until a few years later I was in the Toronto Airport waiting for a flight and noticed one of the gift shops had a huge display of miniature Totem Poles just like the one he had given me. Suddenly a light went off:

“Omg, he totally forgot about me during his trip and bought the gift at the airport before I picked him up!”

I can’t believe I never thought of this before!  The airport Totem Pole has gone down in history as one of the most hilariously bad gifts I’ve ever received from a boyfriend.

So that you don’t make the same mistake as this guy did, here’s a few guidelines for buying gifts for the person you’re dating:

If you’ve just started dating: 

Keep things simple and go with something small and thoughtful like….

• A nice note or card telling the person that you like them.
• A book that you’ve noticed they’re been eyeing
• a USB key with a bunch of songs that you know they’d like
• small accessory or item that reminds you of them (no Totem Poles please!)
• Flowers

If you’ve been together for quite some time & things are serious:

You can usually never go wrong with jewelry, shoes, that designer bag she’s been eyeing or a nice piece of lingerie  - just keep it classy and get someone at the store to help you pick out the item before you buy!

You should never give a woman: 

• Lingerie when you don’t know her very well
• A self help book
• Teddy bears or stuffed animals (so not sexy)
• Anything that used to belong to an ex
• A USB key full of Michael Bolton songs (unless she’s into that)
• Men’s cologne (This actually happened to me once. I get that you want me to smell good but, REALLY?!)
• Anything from an airport gift shop in her home country (& then lie to her about it’s origins)

Did I miss anything? What do you think are good/bad gifts?

How to Choose the Right Gift for the Person You’re Dating is a post from the: WeLoveDates online dating blog

Dating In Los Angeles (Survey) is a post from the: WeLoveDates online dating blog