We all deserve healthy, happy love lives. However, while on the quest for the right person many of us land ourselves in romantic situations that are less than ideal. When it comes to dating, a solid sense of judgement is actually one of your best attributes. Being able to spot right from the get-go whether someone isn’t right for you will save you a lot of time and personal agony in the long run. If you’re currently on the fence about someone, here’s a few serious warning signs you should be aware of.
You need to dump a guy immediately if he….
1. Has no sense of boundaries – If he continually shows up places unannounced, calls and texts you relentlessly when you don’t pick up, or demands a committed relationship immediately, this person isn’t showing a healthy interest in you – they’re displaying a complete disregard of personal boundaries.
2. Is rude to your friends – The person you’re dating should want to make a good impression with the other people in your life. If your date is nice to your face, but rude to your friends – or even worse, tries to turn you against your friends and/or family (“Cathy is totally immature, you should find some friends on your own level”) – it’s time to call it quits.
3. Doesn’t seem to have any friends or social life outside of dating you – A healthy life is a balanced life. If the person you’re dating has no other social life outside of you, that’s a problem.
4. Speaks badly about all of his exes and claims they were all “crazy” or “total bitches.” Beware of anyone who can’t take responsibility for their role in the fallout of a relationship. If they speak disrespectfully about the previous women in his life, just imagine what they’re going to say about you.
5. Disses his Mom – There’s nothing worse than a guy who speaks badly about his Mom. If a guy can’t be respectful towards the woman who gave him life, what does that say about how he will treat you?
6. Is rude to people in the service industry – This is a huge deal-breaker. Being rude to people who are helping you not only makes you a complete jack-ass, it shows that you have very little compassion for other people.
7. Refuses to call you his girlfriend or talk about commitment – If you’ve been dating exclusively for awhile and they still refuse to call you their girlfriend or even have a conversation about commitment (claiming they’re “not into labels” isn’t a valid excuse) and continue to introduce you as their “friend” – it’s time to throw this one back in the pond. If someone is into you, they’ll want to let the world know.
8. Rags on other women’s bodies – If he’s always commenting on other women’s bodies i.e. “Look at her boobs! I’d hit that” or “She’s so old, no wonder she’s single” or “Ugh, she’s so fat. She totally needs to lose weight.” – get out of there. Objectifying other people not only makes you a total jack-ass, it shows a lack of empathy and is indicative of how they will treat you.
9. Lies about the little things – If you find that you’re always catching them in small white lies, or the details of their past just don’t add up (like where they went to school, where they grew up, what they do for a living etc), this is a huge red-flag. If they are being dishonest about these things, what else are they lying about?
10. Still has his Mom do his laundry – If he still relies on his parents to do basic adult things for him like laundry, cooking meals and transport, and expresses no interest in changing his situation – it’s time to cut the cord.
11. Is cheap – There’s a difference between being frugal and being cheap. A friend of mine once dated a guy who had a great job but who insisted on eating at homeless shelters to save money on dinners. True story. If this sounds like someone you know – do not date them.
12. Is racist, homophobic or hateful – I think this one goes without saying, but hate is a ugly, ugly thing. Don’t let it infiltrate your dating life.
13. He never follows through – If he doesn’t ever call you when he says he’s going to call you, or show up when he’s supposed to, he’s not trying to be “unpredictable” and “spontaneous” – he’s letting you know that he doesn’t respect you or your time. Next!
14. Is never sober – If you’ve noticed that they can’t have sex or do anything enjoyable without being drunk or high, and all of their stories begins with “So, I was so wasted this time…” – it’s time to politely excuse yourself. Unresolved substance abuse issues do not make a stable foundation for a relationship.
15. Won’t apologize – Being an adult means owning up to your mistakes. If they refuse to apologize for hurting your feelings (or better yet, try to deflect the blame on you), it’s likely time to call it quits.
16. Is married/taken– You deserve to be with someone, who isn’t already with someone else. Dump him!
17. Is relentlessly negative – Dealing with constant negativity is not only draining, but it can eventually cause you to take to the dark side emotionally as well. You want to be someone whose philosophy towards life is “Yes we can!” not “Why bother?”
18. Is only interested in himself – Getting to know someone is a two way street. If he only talks about himself, never asks you any questions and always grabs the last thing on the plate, chances are you’re dealing with someone who is narcissistic and doesn’t really care about your feelings.
19. Doesn’t accept you for who you are – A guy once told a friend of mine, “If you lost some weight you’d be a super hot plus sized model.” If they are always talking about the things that they’d change about you, rather than what they love – leave.
20. Doesn’t make you feel good about yourself when you’re together – You should feel like the best version of yourself with the person you’re dating. If you feel like your interests, body and self-esteem are always under attack it’s time to move on.