Confessions of a Former Serial Online Dater: First Date Routines
By: Kevin Murray |
When I started online dating in the year 2003, all my friends made fun of me saying things such as: “bro, what are you doing that for – there’s a bunch of weirdo’s on there.” Well, what these guys didn’t understand is I needed online dating for practice. Yes, practice. At the time I’d been in a relationship for four years from the age of 18 to 22. The years I should have been experimenting and learning about myself I spent devoted to only one person. By the time I got out of this relationship, I had no friggin clue what I was doing. I could barley approach women at a bar, let alone speak to them when I had them in a one-on-one situation. So I went out on a limb and decided it was time from some practice dates. Little did I know these “practice dates” would lead me on a wild 10 year odyssey beyond anything I could’ve ever imagined.
Throughout the years of online dating I developed sort of traditions I would do on first dates. These routines were developed overtime – they weren’t superstitions per say, but it was rare when I didn’t partake in all of them.
Drink two Bud lights while getting ready.
By no means am I advising drinking and driving, but crushing a few BL’s while you get ready for a date isn’t a problem. I never felt the need to drink because I was nervous – it was more because I was too jacked up for the date. The alcohol was used as means of chilling me out. Plus, if my date sucked I was already two beers deep so it was easier to drink her away.
Show up 10 minutes late.
Hey, there’s a valid reason for this douche-bag move of a showing up late tradition – kind of. When I first started online dating I would have all my dates meet me a TGI Friday’s down the street from my house. And by down the street, I mean all I had to do was virtually drive 30 seconds across Target and Baby’s R Us parking lot and I was there. However, my dates didn’t know this and I’d just drink on the couch at my house and waited till they call. Once they were there, I would say I’m “on my way” and finish up my last drink and leave. I liked not showing up to a bar first and continued this tradition of tardiness for the rest of my online dating career (sorry ladies – it’s not you, it’s me).
Always hug when first meeting.
Let’s set the tone for how this relationship is right away – with a solid ass-out hug. In all seriousness, this isn’t a business meeting – let’s not treat it like one. Remember, you’re trying to court this person romantically. Kicking off a first impression with a hand shake is a no-no. Cool your jets though, don’t creepily hug her like you haven’t touched a chick in years – they don’t like that.
Have good prepared story that you can nail on cue.
When I first started dating I worked at the YMCA. This resulted in many of my stories being about how I was molding young minds and raising the youth of America. However, it was more like teaching all the kids to say “dude” and influencing them to develop a major Boston Sports addiction – I digress. My larger point is, you should have a good go to story that will paint you in a positive light with humors elements included – not saying you need to write a script, but if you’re new to dating and feel like you’re looking up you can use this story as your go to awkward silence saver.
If I’m attracted to her I’ll use my cell phone to turn up the heat.
A well timed text (when she goes to the bathroom) can really shift gears on this date fast – there’s no problem getting a little help from your mobile wingman. Sending a cute text such as “You look great tonight;)” can get the sexual body language turned up a notch. Watch how she acts when she comes back to you. A coy smile with her positively acknowledging your text can be your avenue to stop playing patty cake and take this date to the next level.
Always close the date with a kiss if the opportunity presents its self.
Wait, kiss on the first date? Yes, hell yes. If you have good chemistry with someone and you’re clearly attracted to each other – go for it. After going on so many online dates, I was able to have a better gauge of who I would have good chemistry with prior to meeting them. Needless to say my percentage of kissing on the first date was pretty high. Go big or go home.