Why You Shouldn’t Introduce Your Date to Your Kids

By: Len Cruz |

One of the post-divorce dating dilemmas many are facing is if they should introduce their new date to their kids. It’s always a delicate business when kids are involved and no one knows this truth better than those who went through a divorce.

It’s unfortunate that the ones who get affected and hurt the most are those who had nothing to do with the cause in the first place. It’s very traumatizing for the kids. It’s as simple as that.

But, that shouldn’t keep you from dating again. Searching for a second chance in finding that one great love is, of course, your basic right. No one can say otherwise.

So, why can’t I introduce my date to my kids? Just to make things clear, there’s no finality when it comes to this. You can introduce him/her to your kids…eventually. Here are certain circumstances when you should delay it:

The Undecided
Also known as, ‘The Serial Dater’. It’s better to delay introducing your date to your kids if you’ve been dating the Taylor Swift way.  Whether you can feel it or not, your kids revere you. Introducing a guy one day, then another after a week will just add more confusion and dilemma. Put that meet-up on hold unless you’re 100% sure that you’re dating ‘The One’ or at least, someone that you’ve been dating for more than six months.

They’re not ready
Go slow. Don’t force your kids to accept your new life. Do not also assume that they’ve moved on just because you have. People deal with circumstances differently. You have to respect their feelings and allow them to take in what has happened.  Kids who just had the painful experience of seeing their parents go through divorce are in a volatile state. They’re very much in need of a parent’s attention. You can, however, give them subtle hints from time to time that you are dating someone. This way, you can assess if they are ready to meet your new man or not. Baby steps.

They hate your date
Here comes the difficult one! First, assess why your children are not in favor of your date. If their reason is something like “because he’s not our dad!”, then you can calm down a bit because that’s normal. Most children of divorce hope that their parents will get back together again. You have to use your logic when this happens. Is the reason valid? Will it hurt my kids further? Communication is the key in solving this post-divorce dilemma. You have to talk to your kids and let them understand your plans. Just always remember this: your allegiance is to your children.

Attachment issues
Kids, especially the younger ones, have the tendency to get emotionally attached easily to anyone who will show them kindness or someone they can enjoy playtime with. It will break their little hearts if your new relationship does not end in the way that they hope it would. The failure of a chance for them to achieve a normal and healthy family life will add to the hurt and trauma that they’re already facing.

Do you introduce your dates to your children?