July 16th, 2013 by Simone Paget
The Best of the Worst #WorstBreakupExcuses
Why it’s bad: It’s the biggest cliche out there. Anyone who has ever been broken up with by “it’s not you, it’s me” has also had a moment where they wonder whether they really are the problem (and thus begins a trip down the “what’s wrong with me?!” rabbit hole.) No one likes breaking up, however it’s better to be as specific as possible while still being kind and polite. I may be alone here, but I’d much rather hear something like, “I think you’re a great person, but I’m just not feeling the physical spark on my end” than a vague excuse that just leaves me wondering what I might have done wrong.
Why it’s Bad: It’s vague and it’s a cop-out. In my experience, it’s usually the people I’m dating the most casually who have used this excuse, which makes it that much more perplexing and aggravating. We’re seeing each other once a week and you still need more space?! Really?! What this excuse really means is that a) the person doesn’t know what they want. or b) they want space from you. A lot of space. As in they don’t want to see you anymore, ever.
Why it’s bad: Lying about going off to fight a war (or making up another elaborate excuse) just to get out of dating someone is never the best idea – especially since the war you reference ended sometime in the 1850′s.
(Same goes for this one. Don’t be a Chandler Bing. )
Why it’s bad: When you use this excuse, not only do you insult yourself (by proclaiming yourself undatable), you also insult the other person for choosing to date you in the first place. Yes, you do deserve better. Better than this excuse.
Why it’s bad: “Thanks for highlighting the positive aspects of this break-up. I feel so much better now!” – Said, no one ever.
Why it’s bad: Telling someone you’re breaking up with them because you don’t like a specific part of their body is just totally un-cool and makes you look like a shallow jack-ass (no pun intended)
Why it’s bad: It’s ridiculous, that’s why! What happens in our subconscious while we’re sleeping doesn’t literally translate to real life. Dreams are a way for our brains to work through anxieties, fears and latent desires. If you’re having dreams that your partner is cheating on you, it could mean a lot of things including that you might be scared of getting hurt.
Why it’s bad: I’ve heard several versions of this in real life, including: “I’m too sexually attracted to you and it’s distracting” and “I’m afraid that if we stay together, I might fall in love with you and want to see you all the time.” These kinds of excuses make me want to scream. Falling in love can be a crazy, wild ride. All of theses “excuses” actually seem like good reasons to try and make things work.
Runners up from our own personal collection of #WorstBreakUpExcuses include:
“My Mom/Brother/Football Coach/Ghost of Darth Vader/Spirit Animal doesn’t want us to be together”
(If you’re going to break-up with someone, take responsibility! Your spirit animal deserves better.)
(If it’s not true)
“I only dated you to get closer to your friends/professional connections/hot sister/wallet”
(Creepy and unethical: a double whammy!)
What’s the worst breakup excuse you’ve heard?