How to turn a casual friend into a casual sex partner... | WeLoveDates

September 19th, 2012 by Amy Estes

How to turn a casual friend into a casual sex partner…

Imagine this scenario: you meet someone — a friend of a friend, a random date, a friend’s co-worker — and you think they’re cool. Maybe they aren’t your match for a long-term relationship, but you find yourself thinking about them nonetheless, especially as you run into one another socially. It’s pretty common to meet people we’d like to sleep with but maybe not date.

But how do you take that chemistry and turn it into casual sex without it getting weird?

Here’s our guide:

  • Initiate. Send an email or start a conversation and broach the subject. You don’t have to be as blunt as to say, “Hey, I’d like to have sex but not be together, cool?” Ask them for a drink or over to watch a movie. Most adults know that “Come over for wine and a movie” means “hook up.” When you finally get together, test out the situation and see if the chemistry holds up. If you sense they’re not into you in that way, just drop it. No harm, no foul. A kiss “just to make sure” never hurt anybody, either.
  • Be clear. If you know there’s no way you’re ever going to think of this as a relationship, make sure you emphasize that. If you meet someone else you want to date, tell your partner right away. If you’re starting to feel different and want something more, talk about it. The bottom line is that if you want the relationship to stay as just sex, make sure both partners know that and are really, really okay with it. A truly casual relationship means that if one of you meets someone special, there are no hard feelings and that there’s no one secretly hoping the relationship turns into more. Establish rules and communication early on. All the usual “casual sex” rules apply — even if you’re friendly.
  • Decide jointly how to handle your common friends. If you run in the same social circle, figure out how you’re going to deal with your friends. If you’re trying to keep it discreet, than agree to no PDAs and not telling anyone — not even as a “secret.” No one wants things to be awkward, especially if the relationship status changes. If you’re open with it, make sure friends are comfortable and you don’t stop hanging out so you can hook up all the time.

Finding a partner in your circle of acquaintances may not be ideal but you never know!

Amy

Amy is a writer & teacher living in Sacramento, CA. She writes at Coffee & Sunshine & tweets at @amy_estes

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