July 11th, 2013 by Len Cruz

Can An Affair Ever Be Beneficial To Your Relationship?

This article should come with a warning: ‘for the open-minded’ or ‘proceed with caution’, because after all, an affair is the biggest taboo in every relationship. The mere inclusion of the word in the same sentence that has ‘marriage’ in it is a cardinal sin in itself for the conservative few. But here’s the thing, we cannot deny the fact that it happens………..even to the best of us.

We have overlooked the benefits of infidelity because social norm has long dictated its iniquity. If managed properly, an affair can be good for a relationship.

There are different kinds of affairs: sexual, emotional, combo (sexual & emotional). The degree of the affair depends on the perception of the people involved. An acquaintance of mine had the emotional one. It was purely outpouring of sentiments sans the sex.

Boredom, curiosity, lack of passion, neglect, thrill of having an affair, or simply because their partners refuse to hand them the t.v.’s clicker – one or all of these could be the culprit for having an affair. The clear fact is that vulnerability met temptation in perfect timing, hence the affair.

I focused less on the ‘why’ in my quest to understand this moment of indiscretion’s unconventional outcome. I went straight to what: what benefits did they achieve from having an affair?

Sense of self-worth

Those who have been with their significant other for far too long have, at some point, lost a little of themselves. This is especially true for women. In the midst of pleasing the partner, the women lose some sense of self-worth in the process. The affair gave them back just that. It’s in the form of confidence. The attention you deserve is being handed to you on a silver and diamond studded platter.  To feel important is one of human’s deepest desires according to American philosopher, John Dewey. The other one is sexual gratification.

Appreciation for your partner

Everything’s peachy in the beginning of an affair. You will hear everything that you want to hear because the other person will give you exactly just that. As the relationship unfolds, you’ll soon realize that the man or woman you’re having an affair with has the same old idiocy that forced you to get into an illicit liaison in the first place. This sudden awakening will make you see the good qualities in your real partner in life.

 Appreciation from your partner

Arguments, hatred and other unfortunate incidences can (might or will) occur after your significant other finds out about the affair. When all these subside, awareness will creep in. Your partner will realize the root cause of the infidelity; rebuilding will then follow suit. He/she will take some effort in recognizing what you really want and need in a relationship.

 The big change

An affair does not break a relationship per se; there is already something wrong in the relationship that’s why people get into an affair. With this realization comes the willingness of the couple to change. Although done in atypical fashion, in some way, an affair is a couple’s aha moment; sort of swift electrical impulse that jolts the relationship back to life.

This article is not meant to glorify nor justify an affair. It is what it is. The end point that should be taken into consideration is – more than anything – redemption. Fortunately for some, it happened. They were able to turn a mistake into something that’s beneficial and was able to live up to the choices they made.

Please do share your thoughts with us on this matter. We want to know what you think!


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Len

Len is the delusional brains behind the lifestyle, parenting, and fashion site: www.themommist.com. She believes that words are meaningless unless they are used for the good kind of change.

One Response to “Can An Affair Ever Be Beneficial To Your Relationship?”

  1. July 15, 2013 at 9:50 am, Diane Bork said:

    Len,

    I had an affair many years ago. To cut a long story short, my husband found out and we split up briefly before getting back together again.

    Our marriage today is stronger than it ever was, but I don’t think the affair was beneficial to our relationship.

    There was tears, anguish, and pain for both of us over more than 2 years recovering from the effects of the affair.

    Effective communication between us where we both should have genuinely listened to each others worries and concerns would have been so much better than starting a destructive affair.

    The determination to work through all the pain together, for the benefit of our relationship is what has made our marriage what it is today.

    Reply

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