Dating for the first time after divorce is daunting enough; sex post-split, on the other hand, can take one to a whole new level of anxiousness. After all, sex is the most intimate form of connection between two people. Having yourself emotionally and physically exposed to another is one of the highest forms of trust and surrender.
Divorce – no matter how much the society has become more acceptable of it – is traumatic and can leave incapacitating effects. Feeling of abandonment and failure can have a big impact on one’s self-esteem. Experts believe that a low self-esteem is a big factor in anxiety, including sexual anxiety. There are other numerous reasons as to why a newly divorced person is fearful of his first sexual encounter (from performance to body issues). The good news is that, you can take steps to calm your troubled nerves! Here are some tips to chase your anxiety away!
Remember the scout’s motto: Be prepared!
If you’re having trouble putting yourself out there because you lack the moves you once had or you have no new moves, then prepare yourself! The only way for you to lessen or eliminate sexual anxiety is by preparing and by being educated enough. How? Research, research, research! Buy a new book about sex, read articles, or dial a friend for help. Be as sexually curious as your teenager self.
Ask for compliments
This is a very simple thing to do but highly effective in easing one’s sexual anxiety. Text or email your closest friends and ask them to say three good things about you and believe them! In doing so, your self-esteem will surge thereby lessening your anxiety. You can go for five, but not ten; that will be narcissism. Sometimes, others can see better what’s best in us because we’re too harsh on ourselves. This is especially a good practice for newly divorced women. Women self-deprecate more.
Sex is like golf…it’s a mind game
For those scared of their sexual organs failing them come D-day, remember the words of Napoleon Hill: “What the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve”. He’s definitely right! Your body will follow whatever your mind tells it. Have you heard of the placebo effect? It’s one of the best examples of how powerful our minds are. It’s a fake treatment that improves a patient’s condition simply by believing that they will be cured. Think and believe that you are a 100% fail-proof love machine and you will be.
Think, but don’t overthink
Sure, I said sex is like a mind game, but that doesn’t mean that you should lose your mind over it! Do not overthink and don’t over analyze either. “Will she like it if I do a few Magic Mike moves first?” See, this is the kind of thing that will make you lose your mojo! Just ask yourself this basic but important question: Are you horny? If yes, then you’re good to go! Your body knows what it should do. Close your eyes and just follow your physiological rhythm.
What would Ted Stroehmann do?
Do you remember what Ben Stiller’s character did before he went out on a date with Cameron Diaz in There’s Something About Mary? His friend told him to masturbate right before the big date. What? Why? Masturbation relieves tension, anxiety and stress through the release of endorphins or the happy hormones. It creates a sense of well-being and satisfaction. And you think masturbation only helps with insomnia. Just make sure to check both your ears before you head out the door!
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