Sometimes we are our own worst enemies. No one sabotages their love life on purpose, however sometimes we unwittingly ruin something that could have been really great before it’s even had a chance to get off the ground.
Are you guilty of any of these relationship sabotaging behaviours?
1. Immediately writing him off because he doesn’t fit your ideal “type” – Most of us have a “type” (or several) and all of us want to meet someone who fits certain criteria (ie. kind, honest, good sense of humour, attractive, gainfully employed) – after all, it’s good to know what we want from a relationship. However, having a specific type that you never veer from can be limiting. For example, maybe you only date blondes over 6 ft who don’t have any tattoos, work in business/finance and make ______ amount per year. By setting up such rigid standards, you might be missing out on someone unexpected who could be really great for you (ie. that super hot, tattooed personal trainer from your gym) Keep in mind, if always dating your type was actually working for you, you wouldn’t be single.
2. Constantly comparing them to your ex – Keeping a running tally of how the guy you’re currently seeing compares to your ex is an excellent way to shoot yourself in the foot. It’s good to know what works/doesn’t work for you when it comes to relationships, however each person is different and each situation deserves to be evaluated on an individual basis. Giving yourself the freedom to let go of the past opens you up to new, awesome possibilities.
3. Not giving the other person enough space – Nothing kills the romance like smothering someone. Yes, you deserve to be with someone who is into you and shows it by spending time with you and calling you when he says he will. However, by the same token the people you date need their space too. Someone shouldn’t be expected to spend all their time with you – it’s not healthy for anyone. If he doesn’t text you back immediately or can’t see you everyday, just chill. What he is doing is totally normal and healthy.
4. Creeping his Facebook and/or online accounts and jumping to conclusions – If you find yourself checking his Facebook wall everyday to see what he might be up to when he’s not with you or to see whether he’s interacting with any other girls, STOP IT. Not only is it going to drive you crazy, but what’s presented on a person’s Facebook is never the complete story. So, a girl responded to an article he posted – big deal. Most likely 50% of the people on his friends list are female. Do you want to date all of your male friends?! Give yourself a break and try trusting the person you’re with before jumping to conclusions.
5. Making dating your primary focus – It’s true, dating does require some time and effort however, when you make it your primary focus in life you miss out on having other interests, hobbies & experiences – aka the things that make you interesting and dateable. Would you want to date someone who’s main focus in life was dating?! Exactly. Being well rounded and having a life outside of dating will get you a lot further in the long run.
6. Letting your insecurities get the best of you – Looking over the list above, a lot of these behaviours stem from insecurities. Afraid of being abandoned? Have a hard time trusting people? Feel like you keep making the same mistakes again & again? Having issues letting go of your past relationships? Step away for a moment and do some soul searching to try and figure out why you feel this way. If you don’t have the answers, go and talk to someone about it. There’s tons of awesome relationship counsellors out there ready to help.