Dear We Love Dates,
I recently met this really fantastic guy online. I could tell from the messages we exchanged that we were both really into each other and excited about meeting. When we finally went out on a date the following week, things were great and we had just as much chemistry as we did online. The only problem was that we both ended up having way too much to drink and ended up sleeping together that night. I was totally mortified when I woke up at his place the next morning! However, as I was getting ready to leave he begged me to stay. We ended up hanging out until early afternoon talking and watching movies.
When I didn’t hear from him right away after our night together I was worried that I may have blown it by sleeping with him right away, however about 4 days later he called me up and asked me out again. The night before we were set to go out he called me and explained that he had to cancel the date because of work. I was disappointed but we stayed on the phone for an hour talking. He said he thought I was a really cool girl and that he’d call me later that week to set up another date. However, a week passed and I didn’t hear from him.
I decided to give him one more chance. I called him and left a message. I figured if I didn’t hear from him then I’d just write him off as not being interested. However, he did call and said that he’d like to hang out next week. When I tried to set a date, he said “we should just wait and see what our schedules are like” He said he really likes me but I feel like I’m getting mixed messages. Is this normal? – Emily
One of my favourite dating books is “He’s Just Not That Into You” by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo because it explains the age old dating mystery of “mixed messages.” Basically the book says that there’s no such thing as “mixed messages.” If a guy is into you he will make it known through his actions. He’ll call when he says he will, he will make plans and if he has to, he’ll reschedule as soon as possible because he’s excited about hanging out with you and wants to make sure you don’t slip away. It’s that simple.
You deserve to be with someone who knows what they want and treats you with respect. By the sounds of things, this dude isn’t sure what he wants and isn’t respecting you or your time by cancelling dates and not getting in touch when he says he’s going to. So, yes – to answer your question, it is normal to get “mixed messages” however it’s careful that you identify them for what they are: signs that the person isn’t into you as much as you want them to be.
With that said, because you got intimate so quickly it’s likely that there’s some confusion around what the expectations of the relationship are. It seems like you care about this guy, so before you pull the plug, communicate openly with him about how you feel and where you’d like the relationship to go (i.e.. dating each other) If it turns out you’re not on the same page, then you can walk away without regret. Always remember, you’re a catch and you deserve to be with someone who feels the same way! Good luck!