April 21st, 2010 by Elizabeth Marie

Things NOT To Do On A First Date

First dates are a bitch, aren’t they? Exciting and nerve racking all at the same time. I have been on many and have learned some interesting, if not valuable lessons on what guys should NOT do on a first date. I also enlisted the help of 2 of my male friends to get the guys perspective, because ladies we aren’t perfect either.Things NOT To Do On A First Date

Gentleman-
Don’t Drink Too Much.
Even if you’re nervous because she’s really hot, smart and you facebook stalk her daily–just don’t. I’m not sure how to expand on this one except to say, sloppy isn’t a good look on anyone. In addition, don’t get drunk and then get behind the wheel. I guarantee she will never speak to you again.

Do Not Stare At My Chest. Or my lips. Or my ass.
Guys take note-”You have amazing boobs” is not appropriate first date dinner conversation. Also? Stop staring at them. You just made things awkward, congrats buddy. I know I have an amazing rack, and she probably knows she does to. There is no need to completely creep her out so soon.

Do Not Take Me Out When You Are Having The Worst Day Ever.
I once went on a first date with this guy who mentioned that his aunt was very ill a few days before our date. I asked if he wanted to reschedule, and he assured me no, that she should be fine. Saturday rolls around, and it’s date night.  I met him at the restaurant–thank you, Universe–and when I got there he.was.crying. On the phone with his mother, talking about his aunt, who had passed away earlier that day. Now, please don’t misunderstand. I felt absolutely horrible that he was going through such a thing, however–I barely knew the dude and would have completely understood if he called to reschedule. It was beyond awkward–after a drink, I ended up telling him he should go home because he.was.still.crying, and I never went out with him again. Cold? Maybe, but it showed poor judgement on his part.

Ladies-
Do Not Text or Check Your Phone Repeatedly.
I’ve been majorly guilty of this one. I actually got called out on it by a guy I was seeing after he took me to an NHL game. We are all so connected right now-Twitter, Facebook, Instant Messaging, Foursquare, etc all in the palms of our hands. In my mind, I was just sharing with almost 1,000 people my first real hockey game experience. To him? I was ignoring him and paying attention to the virtual world more than him and being completely rude. I felt like a total asshole, and luckily he forgave me. My phone is now on silent and in my bag during dates. This guy likes you, and wants to get to know you. Disconnect, and engage with him. Love, learned it the hard way.

Do Not ‘Not’ Offer To Pay.
Key word ladies…OFFER. As my good friend L.A Idiot says, “Yes, offer. But a good guy will never let a girl pay.” I’m as old fashioned as they come, and have never paid on a first date. This doesn’t mean I didn’t reach into my bag and grab my wallet while offering to pay. Of course I did. He should shut you down immediately, but it’s just rude not to offer. Also, don’t forget the two most important words (in this case)-THANK YOU. Say thank you. Immediately and sincerely. Manners are hot, entitlement is not.

Don’t Put Out.
As another male friend said, “If you do, you’re a hoe in my book and it’s on to the next.” I know, I know I’ve been there. Amazing first date! You don’t want it to end!! You feel like you’ve known this person forever! The chemistry is crazy!  You don’t “usually” do this!  According to both my guy friends, sex on the first date is the worst thing you could do. It’s not brain science. If you want to be treated like a lady-act like one. Make him work for it, and keep him coming back for more.

 

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Liz

Liz is We Love Dates social media manager. A former marketing account executive in the fashion industry, a bad breakup spurred Liz to start her first blog 5 years ago and she has been happily over-sharing with anyone who will read ever since. Obsessed with all things dating, love and tech, Liz has been referred to as the brunette Carrie Bradshaw on more than one occasion. If it's a day that ends in "Y", most likely you will find Liz furiously typing away on her laptop with a huge espresso nearby. Or two. Follow her every thought on Twitter and Google+.

46 Responses to “Things NOT To Do On A First Date”

  1. April 21, 2010 at 11:31 pm, Vixations said:

    No wonder guys only drunk dial me but never call for another date. I ALWAYS put out. But also, men? DON’T TOUCH MY HAIR. God damnit.

    Reply

  2. April 21, 2010 at 11:53 pm, Kyle said:

    I prefer a girl who pays & puts out. But I’m progressive like that.

    Reply

    • June 30, 2012 at 6:56 pm, Pamela said:

      > Classy guy!

      Reply

  3. April 22, 2010 at 12:42 am, Maxie said:

    I shall add: Guys, if you drink at least have one. It is so awkward when you go out, order a glass of wine, and the guy is all like “no thank you.”

    I’m sorry, but with my drinking habits I can’t date a guy that doesn’t drink. I agree– don’t get wasted, but at least have one with me.

    Reply

  4. April 22, 2010 at 1:12 am, LA Idiot said:

    Ok, so I know we’re supposed to make eye contact and not stare at your boobies, but don’t you want us to briefly check out your butt?

    Reply

  5. April 22, 2010 at 3:20 am, Meghan said:

    Amen sister. On one of my very first dates, I was the one who was so nervous that I got drunk and he never called again:(

    Reply

  6. April 22, 2010 at 10:39 am, T!nK said:

    THis is so true! I LOVE liz!! I am admittedly guilty of some of these things, but I have gotten alot better!

    Reply

  7. April 22, 2010 at 11:23 am, missy. said:

    i have had experiences where men just push me the check. i will offer if it was an official date. if the guys asks, he knows darn and well that he should be paying. if not – don’t ask for a date. say let’s grab a bite or some ice cream. totally different ball park. i have high expectations of the guys i date, just like i expect them to have high expectations of me.

    well put liz. love ya.

    Reply

  8. April 22, 2010 at 11:24 am, missy. said:

    i have had experiences where men just push me the check. i will offer if it was NOT an official date. if the guys asks, he knows darn and well that he should be paying. if not – don’t ask for a date. say let’s grab a bite or some ice cream. totally different ball park. i have high expectations of the guys i date, just like i expect them to have high expectations of me.

    well put liz. love ya.

    Reply

  9. April 22, 2010 at 11:39 am, Lexa said:

    Another complaint; the guy gets wasted and says “You got me drunk”. No buddy, you got yourself drunk.” Just because you are lightweight, don’t blame me.

    Reply

  10. April 22, 2010 at 11:39 am, Sarah from 20somethingcupcakes said:

    Love it! Not sure about the offering to pay part – I would do that later on, but in general the only way I would offer is if I wasn’t into the guy. And of course, “don’t put out” is an obvious – I didn’t even kiss the love of my life on our first date! And 2 years later we’re more in love than ever. xxSAS

    Reply

  11. April 22, 2010 at 12:20 pm, Taylor said:

    I’m totes guilty of texting, putting out, and not offering to pay on the first date.

    ^This was all the same date…

    Reply

  12. April 22, 2010 at 12:22 pm, Ria said:

    @Kyle…dude…you’re not progressive…it’s called not being a gentleman.big difference.
    and @la idiot…brief is flattering…staring is the cause for us to look for something less of a homo neanderthalensis and more of a homo sapiens (subsp.sapiens)…
    Love the article!!!

    Reply

  13. April 22, 2010 at 12:37 pm, Shop N' Chomp said:

    Loved this, Liz! I would also add not talking about yourself like you’re the best thing since sliced bread. =

    Reply

  14. April 22, 2010 at 1:03 pm, Midtown Girl said:

    Fantastic advice from an awesome girl…Elizabeth knows her stuff! XOXO

    Reply

  15. April 22, 2010 at 2:13 pm, Melissa said:

    Ladies ~ do not talk about how many kids you want to have and what you will name them! Deal crasher!

    Reply

  16. April 22, 2010 at 2:36 pm, Kellie said:

    Love this list! My ex, who I dated for 3 years, was drunk when I went to pick him up for our 1st date. Granted we were already good friends and were seeing if we wanted to take it to the next level, so I forgave him, drove to dinner, laughed at his drunk ass and then got drunk w/ him. :)

    However, I will admit that I slept with my husband on our 1st date. Oops! Go ahead. Call me easy peasy mcslutty whore. He was/is hot. Obviously didn’t turn him off from me either since we have been together for 9 years now and married for 3 1/2. And I’m knocked up too. What did I do!?!? :)

    xoxo

    Reply

  17. April 22, 2010 at 8:04 pm, Rasha said:

    GOOD TIPS! hahaha, the texting one is so true, i find myself dong that :(

    Reply

  18. April 22, 2010 at 8:48 pm, Elle said:

    It’s been years since I went on my last “first date” but it still drives me crazy when the bf texts/BBMs/etc at the table when we are at dinner. Srsly pay attention to me!!

    Reply

  19. April 23, 2010 at 5:59 am, seyma said:

    wow!! i loved your perspective Liz!! it’s so cool.. and your tone and touch on the issue.. i haven’t been on first dates for like four years (well because i’m married) but it’s still awesome to read about them..

    and i’ll post this writing if you’ll allow me because it must be totally shared!!

    xxo

    Reply

  20. April 23, 2010 at 9:01 am, KellieJo said:

    Great list! Number 2 is the best!

    Reply

  21. April 24, 2010 at 3:28 pm, Mille said:

    Hmm I don’t agree on all…
    I don’t know where you are from but “putting out” as it is cheaply described doesn’t mean you’re a “hoe”. (I hate these vulgar words). If you are both keen and you have gotten to know each other why not. here in france people view sexuality as a natural thing and i know plenty of guys that still contact girls after if they are interested. Maybe some girls are just bad in bed? (Cruel, I know…)
    As for drinking – agreed. But I’d want to have some wine, just don’t go too far.
    An absolute no – I hate when guys constantly talk about ex-girlfriends. I have never met these girls and I am sure I don’t care.

    Reply

  22. April 25, 2010 at 3:16 pm, PorkStar said:

    Very insightful post.

    Eventhough I seldom date, luckily I have a well developed sense of reason to not do the Dont’s, as stated and definitely not staring nowhere. That’s quite creepy actually.

    Reply

  23. April 26, 2010 at 4:05 am, Belle said:

    fabulous!!! So perfectly said!!! well done miss xxxx

    Reply

  24. May 03, 2010 at 1:10 am, Jim Bob said:

    What is the point of offering to pay if you have no intention to. I wouldn’t accept on a first date but I’d be annoyed if I thought it was just an empty offer,

    Reply

  25. May 06, 2010 at 2:26 pm, Jennie Bailey said:

    I absolutely agree with the not getting to drunk bit… Though I’m female, I’ve definitely ruined at least 2 dates by getting drunk.. It’s just that I get nervous, but you really shouldn’t. Drinking definitely does help with the nerves, but it also makes you act like an idiot. If your date is going well and you have a good guy, then chances are you’ll end up feeling at ease before too long anyway!

    Reply

  26. May 13, 2010 at 1:14 am, really? said:

    So this is for Californians?

    I’d say the opposite about sleeping on a first date. I may not be an ordinary man but some girls think they are such a catch and make me listen to their vacuous gibberish over so many dates that I feel I’ve wasted so much time and it’s worth carrying on only untill I get sex. After that… Hmmm…

    On the other hand, I’ve slept on a first date with (admittedly few) incredible girls where it was the most impulsive, passionate and satisfying experience for both of us – and we had many happy repeats that I would never have with the typical self-obsessed airheads. If you just follow the examples set by your awful mass culture teaching you how to really care about handbags but not people, and to calculate and plan your relationships – then you’ll just get the third rate passions you deserve.

    I don’t consider myself typical though so you’re probably better off being what you are.

    Reply

  27. May 30, 2010 at 7:32 am, The Best Advice said:

    Is to just be yourself, having all these expectations makes dates more nerve wrecking than they need to be.

    Reply

  28. July 19, 2010 at 10:15 pm, Paul said:

    Also ladies, stop talking abaut your ex!!!!, it`s so annoying, also don`t go out if you`re having a bad day.

    Reply

  29. December 17, 2010 at 6:06 pm, Angie said:

    Note to older men on a date with a much younger woman- pay attention to the cues she is giving you!! Especially sexual cues. If she hasn’t touched you all night on the hand, arm, or brushed against you in some way, she doesn’t want to sleep with you! And under no circumstance are you to tell her that you want to sleep with her! You will come off as a total scum bag!! Trust me!!

    Reply

  30. January 02, 2011 at 7:44 am, Bronson said:

    “Yes, offer. But a good guy will never let a girl pay.”

    Glad to know who wants to be the ultimate judge of my character in the relationship. Next!

    “I have always offered to pay .. but somehow this often turns on me because I’ve encountered quite a few men (in the past year) who will actually accept to split the bill or let me pay a part of it. Urgh.. I hate cheapos. It’s the first date, damnit !”

    Pro tip: Assertive, direct communication gets results. In couples therapy people learn how to communicate using direct language and signals (and how to listen). So… we spend the first few months getting to know each other with communication and rules. If we keep making up these arbitrary rules about what the man and woman do based on our loose sense of dating rules, we have to unlearn them in therapy and relationship counseling and learn how to interact like adults if we want to make it beyond the length of a teenager hookup.

    As we educate ourselves more we learn about forms of gender role expectations. Despite inequalities continuing into the present, we socially evolved tremendously regarding how we treat women like equals and to continue NOT forcing them to obey rules invented by men to control their behavior. It continues, yes, and it continues to get better.

    The opposite seems to be the case with men. In fact, it almost seems as if the gender role expectations are going in opposite directions. More men are learning to treat women like equals, and more women are learning that they can treat men with the same sexist ideas that repressed women for 100′s of years.

    Short version: when in doubt, ask. Communication is awesome. Or so I heard.

    Reply

  31. July 10, 2011 at 10:31 pm, Scottie said:

    If someone sleeps with me on a first date, it doesn’t make me think she’s a slut. I wouldn’t sleep with her if I wasn’t planning on seeing her again, and most of my male friends are the same. HOWEVER this is still good advice because, unfortunately, there are a couple friends of mine who wouldn’t call a girl back if she slept with them on a first date. And these few @$$holes (about 1 in 15 of my friends) ruin what could be a fantastic end to a great night for both parties.

    Reply

  32. October 20, 2011 at 3:18 am, Escorts Sydney said:

    I love these tips! They’re very simple yet helpful. I hope there are more to come. :)

    Reply

  33. November 11, 2011 at 7:14 pm, Kelsey said:

    Loved this! I recently read in an article that guys think if a girl is drinking too much (three or more drinks), she wants to sleep with him that night. So I completely agree that guys should NEVER have more than two drinks, otherwise I always assumes he expects to hook up. Such a turn off.

    And as a general rule, instead of putting my phone on silent, now I just turn the thing off to avoid the temptation…

    Oh yeah, here’s that article. Awesome read, and great to see things from a male perspective! http://www.daveglenn.com/2011/03/dave-glenns-guide-to-online-dating/

    Kelsey :)

    Reply

  34. January 17, 2012 at 7:07 pm, jamuel said:

    I CERTAINLY DONT AGREE
    dont calculate you first date.be your real self.if you are self-obsessed keep talking about yourself.its not universal all people dont like such personalities.
    whatever you are.be that and you will have a really satisfying relationship when you find the one you are compatible with.otherwise you will fool me for short time and then i will realize you were not real whereby it will be really bad for us both.
    there is something sweet about a girl not afraid to be herself or a man who shows his personality without fear of judgement.dont live according to world standards but live according to yours.those who like then are your real friends and those who don’t are not …..well your friends.
    dont calculate your moves.it only ends up being more work.

    Reply

  35. February 14, 2012 at 12:00 am, Jenny Summers said:

    Mostly to males but not always – Don’t show off!

    I’ve had dates that tell you about how great they are, how important they are in their place of work etc… Then they show their dominance by arguing with the poor waiter who has done nothing wrong. Not attractive.

    Reply

  36. February 24, 2012 at 8:27 am, Aaron Allsop said:

    I think the worst thing is always what people say
    but I know that I am always trying to figure out what I can say and what I can’t say on first dates.

    Reply

  37. April 16, 2012 at 9:17 pm, TM said:

    Wow, how easy it is to be judged male of female. I am a fussy female, if I took the time to get to know a man who really fitted my criteria for a great guy. I would not hold myself back, it is normal behaviour to want to get closer to a person who you find attractive. How society judges, dont drink too much, dont put out! I think the key is to be selective with your dating and choose a person who you know you will feel relaxed with before hand this will lesson mistakes and judgements. A true gentleman would pay for the first date, a unassuming female would offer on the next date.

    Reply

  38. April 30, 2012 at 5:27 am, Jo-Ann said:

    All Good advice – But who listens to good advice?

    Reply

  39. May 31, 2012 at 10:44 pm, Randall Amore said:

    If a guy or gal’s phone is more important to them on the first date than the person they are actually having a date with then I recommend making it the last date with that person… if they are like that now just imagine what else will keep them distracted further into a relationship.

    Reply

  40. November 09, 2012 at 8:58 pm, John said:

    The offering to pay is kind of weak. I would think it was weird if a female offered to pay, like she felt bad about me paying when the date was lame.

    Reply

  41. April 07, 2013 at 8:07 am, Dhruv Bhagat said:

    Also, one should not reveal too much on the very first date :)

    Reply

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