May 9th, 2012 by Elizabeth Marie

Age Gap Relationships – Tips For Dating An Older Man

I’m thrilled to share a guest post from Laura of Two INFPS, an amazing dating website she runs with her husband that I suggest you check out…after reading this post, of course. :)

Dating an older guy can be flat out awesome. Something about capturing the attention of an older man just makes you feel so damn special! They’re more refined and experienced than your same-age counterparts and seem so elusive and mysterious. They’re sexy, often gentlemanly, and are generally financially stable enough to always pick up the check. But how can you make age gap relationships work?

The last couple guys I’ve dated were 7 years older than me. One of the relationships crashed and burned within a month or two, and the other is still going strong a year in. These two dating episodes are by far my favorite relationship experiences, so I highly recommend accepting a date with an older guy if you have the chance. But if you do, there are definitely some things you need to watch out for.

1. Trust your instincts. Sometimes an older man may be charming for no other reason than to get in your pants. If that’s what you want too, go for it—but if you’re looking for an eventual relationship, it’s safer to listen to your gut. You’ll usually be able to sense deep down whether a long-term relationship is feasible or not.

2. You have to be on the same “level”.
Before you head into anything serious, be sure to take a step back and look at where this man is in life (and where he’s headed, if he hasn’t gotten to where he wants to be yet). Is this the direction you’ve been looking to go in life? Is there too much of a gap in maturity level? These are incredibly important red flags to watch out for.

3. Don’t change yourself.
Being completely honest with yourself is SO important for dating and relationships. But when it comes to dating someone who is largely different than yourself in some way (such as someone who’s older), it’s easy to fall into the trap of fooling yourself that the person you think he wants is the direction you want to head in life. If you feel the need to change course from what you’ve always wanted to do, or have to hide some aspect of yourself from him, you’re in dangerous territory. Be strong and stay true to who you are!

4. Don’t hope to change him.
This goes for any relationship, but especially for someone older. Say you want 3 kids and he’s mentioned that he wants none. NEVER think you can make him change his mind! Even if it’s not quite so major an issue as children, don’t assume you can convert him to your point of view when it comes to anything that’s important to you. Older guys (and many younger men, for that matter) know what they want in life, so if the two of you don’t want the same things, don’t waste your time pursuing anything serious. It’ll only lead to disaster!

These cautions are things I’ve had to learn the hard way, but luckily, in my second round of dating an older guy, I took these lessons to heart. I chose not to settle for anyone who didn’t match my relationship wants and needs, and I couldn’t be happier because of it. I hope you choose the same! So what do you think about age gap relationships? Is WeLoveDates Mature or even NoStrings Cougar for you?!


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Liz

Liz is We Love Dates social media manager. A former marketing account executive in the fashion industry, a bad breakup spurred Liz to start her first blog 5 years ago and she has been happily over-sharing with anyone who will read ever since. Obsessed with all things dating, love and tech, Liz has been referred to as the brunette Carrie Bradshaw on more than one occasion. If it's a day that ends in "Y", most likely you will find Liz furiously typing away on her laptop with a huge espresso nearby. Or two. Follow her every thought on Twitter and Google+.

16 Responses to “Age Gap Relationships – Tips For Dating An Older Man”

  1. May 09, 2012 at 11:18 am, Sean Joan said:

    Reasons for and against dating an older man. Risks and benefits plus things to consider before starting a new relationship… Thanks for sharing this nice info !!!

    Reply

  2. June 28, 2012 at 3:06 pm, Two of Us Dating Service said:

    I really like how this artlicle not only try to look at it from the womans point of view, but realizing the mans too. But so true how important that both people are heading in the same direction in their lives.

    Great Read!!

    Reply

  3. October 12, 2012 at 8:17 pm, Dating Advice said:

    As an older man who has success with women, I can confirm that these are great tips. Thanks for the wonderful post!

    Reply

    • October 15, 2012 at 4:48 am, elizabeth said:

      Thank you for stopping by! xo

      Reply

  4. October 21, 2012 at 12:56 am, Mike said:

    Dating someone who’s older should be about that person and the connection you have and similar maturity level and values. Some older men are looking for women because they’re attracted to younger women and like to be adored and looked “up” to, and that’s something to be wary of.
    In certain age gap relationships, its great, but it’s not because of age, its in spite of age.

    Reply

  5. October 29, 2012 at 2:37 pm, Edward Hill said:

    Very good tips on dating older women and men,but for some dating older women or men,it a fantasy something about dating
    Older that puts butterflyies in your stomach.But you do need to be careful.a lot of older men go for younger women just to get them in bed.

    Reply

    • October 30, 2012 at 5:02 am, Elizabeth Marie said:

      Hey Edward,
      That is a very good point…a lot of older men do just want to brag about landing a younger woman!

      Reply

  6. November 13, 2012 at 3:19 pm, Antony said:

    Very good tips
    I’m talking about similar things in this post
    http://howtogetaguytolikeyou.co/dating-an-older-guy/

    Reply

  7. March 16, 2013 at 8:36 pm, lee said:

    i like an older guy and he likes me but he don’t think it will work because there is such a big age gap and we are at different stages in life im 17 and hes 29 so yeah big gap. we have a connection but i do nt think anything will happen till im at least 25 im very grown up for my age and thats a good thing and thats why i think we work but sometimes i think i need to fined someone my age its much easyer

    Reply

  8. March 21, 2013 at 6:55 am, abby said:

    im 21 and he’s 38! i only feel like its “wrong” because my family says so, but so far we are doing awesome. im old enough to make my own decisions, but its hard on the family. this article does help! as far as keeping things good between him and i. maybe someone could give some advice! things are really steady..but i dont want to lose him to the fact that my family disagrees with our gap.

    Reply

  9. March 23, 2013 at 12:51 pm, Anna said:

    I’m 21 and he’s 44. The only issue i have is telling people/family/friends. I know how they will react. With disbelief, hurt, anger, worry and I can’t imagine being able to deal with that. What should I do about telling people?

    Reply

  10. April 19, 2013 at 3:37 am, Maria said:

    Anna, age doesn’t matter ! As long as you two love each other… age doesn’t matter ! I understand how you feel because I also have someone I like. He’s 15 years and 9 moths older than me.

    Reply

  11. May 04, 2013 at 11:33 pm, Alex said:

    I’m a 25 year old girl dating a 45 year old man with two great children from a previous marriage.
    We have been together now for 3 years
    Things have been amazing. I hope we stay together
    I doubt our relationship is based on sex but sometimes I’m not sure. Would a man stay with a woman for 2/3 years for just sex?

    Reply

  12. May 19, 2013 at 1:18 am, Kimmy said:

    I’m 22 and he’s 43, I’m soo in love with him! I love it when he gets shy when I call him a stud lol I have 2 children and him too from a previous marriage. But we’re 3 years still going :-) good stuff

    Reply

  13. May 20, 2013 at 1:39 pm, Amariah said:

    WOW!! This article is really on point, I’m 24 and he’s 50…. He has a daughter that is older than me, is it normal for that to trouble me in any way? I really love him

    Reply

  14. December 31, 2013 at 9:51 pm, Erika said:

    I am 24 and he is43 that is 19 years between us we have been thogethor for almost 2 years and some how we have made it work without a single fight or argument. A tip I would give for the younger girl that is wanting to date a older man is not to be to be up his but all the time. Understand that he had a life and friends before you. Don’t ask him questions about who he was with or how long he will be gone for. This will also help with truse. Just something I have learned the last 2 years with my man. Let him be his self and understand he has to have his space just as much as you do.

    Reply

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