September 5th, 2012 by Amy Estes
Love Lessons From Being Dumped
Several years ago, I was dumped by someone I thought I was going to marry. Looking back on it, I can see that we were not compatible long-term, but in the middle of it, my heart was totally crushed. I thought I would never, ever move forward and that I’d lost the love of my life forever.
But here I sit, six years later and I have not just moved on, I’m happy. I count that break up as one of my biggest blessings ever and one of the greatest learning experiences of my whole life.
Here’s what I learned from being dumped:
- How to take care of myself. I lived with my boyfriend, so suddenly, I had to figure out bills and cable and how to get my heater to work without it catching on fire (true story). And it took me awhile, but I did. I figured it out. If you’ve been in a relationship for awhile, it’s easy to forget how competent you are. Losing the person you rely on reminds you how strong you are.
- Who my friends were. I experienced a deepening of so many friendships during that time because I needed my friends desperately. And they totally showed up for me. I will always be grateful for those friends who showed up in every way I needed them during that time and feel like I’ve done a good job of still maintaining close friendships even when I’ve in a relationship. It reminded me not to be that girl who bails once she gets a boyfriend.
- What I didn’t want in a relationship. Once I stopped being sad, I started really examining what had worked for me and what hadn’t. I made a mental list of what I was willing to accept and what I wasn’t. And when I entered my next relationship I was much more equipped to make sure I was getting what I needed out of the situation, as well as making sure I was a better partner.
- How to date. Because I spent my younger years in a series of serious relationships, I’d never just enjoyed dating. I committed to just going out on dates for a little bit and enjoying them for what they were: one date. I learned a lot about what I didn’t want, I learned how to not take things seriously and I also learned how to be discerning about who I spent time with. I also got some killer stories to tell later.
- How to make myself happy. I did a lot of cool stuff when I was single. I tried out yoga classes, Nia dance classes, painting, kickboxing and a ton of different recipes. I read tons of books and wore whatever I want and stayed out until whenever I wanted. I lived my own life. That time alone taught me how to have a full life without a relationship. I learned how to manage my own emotions and to just be alone.
What have you learned from being dumped?