What to Do When He Pulls Away

If there was one thing I wish I could change about dating it would be that men and women could be on the exact same wavelength with emotions. Like, either you are interested in someone, or you are not. But in the real world, there are different degrees of “like” and “interest.” This is especially true when a woman likes a guy and wants to date, and the guy seems interested, and then… he pulls away.

It’s confusing, because as women we are people pleasers. We want to make people happy, including our man. So when a man pulls away we tend to do more… we call more, email more, text more…. we smother him. Which, in turn, makes him pull away more.

What’s a girl to do? Here is some advice for when a man pulls away from you.

Give Him an Opportunity to Tell You

While guys do not like to talk about their feelings (in general), a woman can satisfy her curiosity as to what’s going on with him by asking him if things are okay. Cite the behavior you’ve witnessed (you came home and went right to the computer for five hours without saying hello, you don’t seem to want to talk to me on the phone, you are being wishy washy on our plans for the weekend) and ask him if there is anything wrong. Give him the opportunity to tell you. Just ask him once.

If the guy is mature, he will realize that you’ve recognized his sullenness (which he is probably thinking that he’s hiding) and will take the opportunity to talk to you.

If he is unsure of his feelings, or if he’s a bit immature at the whole relationship thing, he will shrug and say nothing. I repeat, if this happens, do not ask him again.

Take a Step Back

As hard as it is, if a guy pulls away then you must pull away also. You don’t have to completely find someone new, but if a guy is unverbally asking for space, you have to give it. Use the time to determine if this guy is worth your time. Don’t make it about him (I wonder what’s wrong, I wonder if he still wants to see me) but rather, make it out you (do I deserve this behavior, is this what I want in a relationship.) After sufficient time has passed (a couple weeks) if your guy has not made an effort to call you, email you, talk to you, and the like, and he is still acting wishy washy, it might be time to break up. Tell the guy you don’t understand his behavior, but it isn’t what you want in a relationship. You deserve more than that.