June 21st, 2010 by Cherie
How NOT to Get a Man to Commit
I was watching this show called Moving Up, where people buy new houses and then the old owners come back to see the changes they’ve made. There was a woman on the show that had been dating her boyfriend for 15 years, and was buying a new house that she hoped (after all this time!) would entice him to move in with her. She also decorated her bedroom in black and white, even though she hates black and white, because her boyfriend likes those colors and again, she hoped this would entice him to move in.
The woman seemed nice enough. She was bubbly and a good businesswoman. She had gone from bartender to millionaire in just seven years. So one would wonder why her boyfriend didn’t want to get married? It was obvious that the woman did. She still, after 15 years, held out hope to get married to this guy. At the end of the show, he was still being noncommittal and I got the impression he was probably going to string her along for another 15 years.
The whole thing got me thinking about how not to get a guy to commit. After all, if becoming a millionaire and buying a new house especially for your guy doesn’t work, what does? Or, more to the point, what things should you watch out for if you’re looking to get married and your guy doesn’t.
You Feel That You’ve “Put in the Time” and You Might As Well Stick It Out
Many women feel that once they’ve been with a guy for a certain number of years, they might as well keep going because they put in the time. This is flawed thinking because if a guy doesn’t want to marry you, that opinion won’t change just because he’s with you longer. A guy will date a girl for years that he has no intention of marrying.
You Cater to His Needs to Show Him What a Catch You Are
Relationships are give and take, but if you’re the one doing all the giving while he’s doing all the taking you’ve got a problem. Guys won’t love you more if you do more for them. So if you’re the one: always making dinner, always running errands, always going to the movies he likes, and he isn’t reciprocating, stop wasting your time and wish him the best. Find a guy that understands what a relationship really is.
You Change Your (Job, Hair, Weight, Friends, Hobbies) So He’ll Love You More
Changing yourself in order to get your guy to love you more will never work. If he doesn’t love you when you’re blond, he isn’t going to love you as a redhead. He might like it for a few days… but love? The kind of deeply spiritual love most people hope to achieve? It will never happen.
In short, if you have to change yourself because your guy doesn’t want to get married, don’t even bother. Find a guy that has the same life goals as you instead. He doesn’t want to commit? Dump him. Find a guy that does.
June 29, 2010 at 5:59 pm, Bailey said:
I think the inverse of the last 2 could also be true. If he is the one constantly running errands, cooking dinner and going to the movies you like, he’s going to start feeling used. That’s a good way to drive someone away -even the most committed guy will eventually give up.
And a guy who feels pressured to change himself for his girlfriend isn’t going to stick around, either. There are things about anyone that can be better (i.e. poor time management skills and things that can seriously affect a relationship), but those are things that should be worked out within the relationship. Constant nagging about a guy’s beer gut or stubble isn’t going to make him feel loved, though, and those kinds of things drive an unnecessary wedge between people.
There are definitely guys who are just never going to commit, and some of us girls aren’t very good at that either, but those last two can definitely go both ways. The first one seems to be more of a female mindset, although I’m sure there are guys out there who feel the same way.