May 19th, 2010 by Liz
Is Your Blog Your Dirty Little Secret?
So, you’ve met someone! Or are in the process of meeting someone. You like him or her a lot already, but you’re still getting to know each other.
Perhaps you also have a blog. A website. Twitter. Maybe you even write for a dating site. Or fashion sites. I’m just saying. No specifics…
Maybe your blog is super personal, and you write about everything from your past loves, to nail polish-sometimes in the same post and most definitely in the same week. Your blog is a place for you to vent and share, to tell random ridiculous stories, obsess over shoes, talk about certain dark periods of your life, and also your passion for sangria. Maybe just your close family and friends read your blog, or maybe…thousands of people read your blog everyday. Either way, it’s yours. It’s mine. But it’s just one part of me.
I’m not naive enough to think that my blog is private, nor my twitter, and neither is anything else I write on the Internet. There is no such thing as privacy 2.o, and if I’m going to have a panic attack every time someone finds my blog, I should probably just use that cute journal from Anthropologie, find a pen and take it old school. Every time I meet a guy I wonder when I should tell him about my blog, OR how long it will be before someone mentions it in front of him, or even easier, how soon it will be before he types my name into google. Some girls have other secrets…my dirty little secret is my blog.
Social media can bring people together from all over the world, but at the same time can be so completely detrimental to the relationships you have with the people who are front and center in your “real” life. I think this is why so many bloggers are anonymous, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous of their anonymity from time to time.
Obviously, a guy I like found my blog. We’ll call him “the Mountain Biker”. When he texted me that he was reading my blog, I wanted to crawl under my covers and hide. This is a part of the Instant Message convo I had with one of my best friends when I heard from TMB-
Me: I know what I’m writing about on we love dates this week. What to do when your love interest finds your online presence or something
1. freak out over gchat to your bestie
2. laugh hysterically
Ali: lol
Me: 3. drink?
Ali: 4 all of the above
Post freak-out, I had a drink lightbulb moment. I’m proud of my blog, and the social media presence I’ve carved out for myself. I’m proud of most, if not all, of the writing I’ve done. I know that my blog has helped people, and some of the connections I’ve made from my blog have evolved into real life friendships I would never take back. As much as I like the Mountain Biker, I also know that if my blog bothered him, or he judged me on things I wrote months ago, I’d have to move on. It’s the internet, and nothing I’ve posted can ever be erased. And the thought of erasing anything that is as ME as my blog makes me immensely sad, and I would never do it or make apologies for it. The Mountain Biker is clearly not my target audience, and anyone in my “real” life, gets to see more than just the blogger side of me.
He, hopefully, will get to see every side.
The things we say on the Internet can always be used against us, but it is my firm belief that if you stay true to yourself both online and off, you will find someone who can appreciate both sides of you, and all the sides in between.
May 19, 2010 at 11:01 pm, Kristin said:
I think that you should never put something on the Internet with your name attached to it that you wouldn’t be comfortable saying out loud. It’s still your voice! So, you’re right. Stay true to yourself and you’ll be ok!
May 19, 2010 at 11:07 pm, Mandi said:
Great post and excellent points, Liz. People shouldn’t post anything on the internet that they don’t want the whole world to read. I agree with Kristin – stay true to yourself and expect anyone and everyone to hear what you’re screamin’!
May 20, 2010 at 5:23 am, Oughta Say said:
I’m writing from my happy place, behind that little wall of anonymity. I’m holding on to it with an iron fist.
I’ve said plenty on the internet that I wouldn’t want people close to me to see, but I need it. I need that online “journal” of sorts to vent. And if anyone reads and enjoys, even better.
Don’t fret about him finding the blog. He’s just having a chance to learn a lot more about you, faster than planned. If he’s smart, he’ll appreciate having the inside track.
May 20, 2010 at 8:34 am, hanako66 said:
love this, love you. DONE AND DONE.
We all put ourselves out there in this crazy blog world we live in…some more than others, but the dangers are the same. I too am struggling now because of information that I had put out before. Stay true to yourself and you won’t have regret!
May 20, 2010 at 9:17 am, lisi said:
It’s weird because it depends on if you think of your blog as your job or your hobby. Actually, it kind of doesn’t matter because either way, it’s who you are…you shouldn’t have to hide that! I think blogging is so personal and a huge reflection upon you that if he finds it and judges you for it, it’s kind of like saying, “I don’t like a major part of you.” And that’s not really fair….or nice. I think if he’s a good guy, he’ll see it and have more respect for you because you’re putting yourself out there for better or worse and it’s respectable.
I agree with Ali- if you’re true to you, there’s nothing to worry about!!
May 20, 2010 at 10:53 am, lisa said:
I totally agree with everything you say here. When the boy and I started dating, he knew I had a blog and I think he’s proud of me for the modest success I’ve achieved with it. At a party recently, a couple of guests whom I’d never met in person recognized me as “Solo Lisa.” Now he likes to gloat about his famous girlfriend lol.
May 20, 2010 at 11:11 am, Sarah from 20somethingcupcakes said:
I couldn’t agree with more. Actually, maybe everyone should have a blog, that way we can cut through a lot of the crap, and whenever you meet someone they can get to know you faster, and better. Of course, you do have to be REAL. So let’s change it to all REAL people should have a blog. xxSAS
May 21, 2010 at 2:49 pm, Something She Dated said:
I have 2 firm rules.
1. Don’t tell them about the blog.
2. Don’t add them to facebook…ever!
But then again my blog is entitled Something She Dated not Someone She Was Open To A Relationship With and Might Lead To A Loving Relationship. So in the most non-committal way I can, I say…guess it depends on what the blog is like.
Oh…I don’t use my real name. (though someone local/ingenious enough could probably figure it out through my facebook fan page)
Great post!