May 5th, 2010 by Liz
5 Things You Should NOT Say In The First Email
…to a girl. You know, if you want her to write you back. Or if she’s me. Carry on.
1. “Ur Hottt”
I never know what the correct response (if any) to this is. Um, thank you. Or should I say Thank uuuu?
2. “Why is someone like you on this website?”
Someone LIKE ME? What does that even mean?! I understand that they usually mean this complimentary, but it sounds a tad rude. This is usually followed up by “Why are you single?” which is a perfectly valid, if not loaded, question for the right time…aka not your first round of communication.
3. “Call me 234-567-8910″
I fully support taking things to the next level, and then the next level and so on and so forth, however why on earth would I call you if you haven’t even bothered to send me a complete sentence?! I’m busy, we all are-make me want to talk to you. This also shows me that you probably give your phone number out to just about every vagina on the site. Not attractive.
4. “You remind me of my ex”
Awesome! This tells me one of two things. 1. You’re still hung up on your ex, in which case PASS. Also, pass the wine. 2. I remind you of a relationship that for whatever reason went south, and the very first thing you thought to say was that I reminded you of a break up? Pass the Jack Daniels.
5. “Wanna come over tonight?”
No, actually, but to each their own! If that’s the kind of thing you’re looking for, go for it-just please let a friend know the address of where you’re headed. Me? Not so much. If I have a free night, I would like to spend it ON A DATE. Or out with my friends. Or on the couch watching Gossip Girl and emailing guys who are at least attempting to get to know me.
You don’t have to write an epic romance novel (actually don’t, that’s amazingly creepy), but put some genuine effort into it! And keep it classy.
Elizabeth Marie is a Cali girl who left half her heart in London. She spends her time blogging, traveling, drinking copious amounts of wine and is on an eternal quest for the perfect fitting jeans and the perfect fitting man, both of which are hard to find, but she just won’t settle. Subscribe to her blog or follow her on Twitter.
May 06, 2010 at 11:35 am, hanako66 said:
You nailed it Liz! All not good! I could see how #2 is a double edged sword…plus what does it say about them?!!
May 06, 2010 at 11:37 am, LiLu said:
Oh my lord, this is the greatest thing I’ve ever read. Seriously, guys… COMPLETE SENTENCES go farther than you could ever imagine!!!
Love it!
May 06, 2010 at 7:46 pm, gabby said:
I hate the whole “call me” emails. Most times, I don’t even know their first names, so it’s like “Hey, HotMan4535″. Ew.
May 10, 2010 at 11:31 am, Memory Lane. | It's Unbeweavable! said:
[...] other dating news-Check out my post -What Not To Say In The First Email totes forgot to share it with you guys due to the raging case of emoweave I had last [...]
May 10, 2010 at 12:36 pm, Oughta Say said:
urrrr amazng. and hot
this one’s hilarious and right on the money!
May 10, 2010 at 12:46 pm, Skinny Dip said:
I agree- uuuuuuu nailed it.
All of these things would prompt me to hit DELETE & TRASH.
Can I add in guys who say stuff like “YO WAZZZUP” (which usually goes hand in hand with the uuuuur hot comments). Proper spelling and sentences go a long way!
May 10, 2010 at 2:59 pm, Magpie said:
This is oh-so-true, as my now-deleted, created-completely-by-chance OkCupid profile could have told you.
If they managed to inject a bit or originality and/or humour into their e-mails though, I’d always write back, even though I wasn’t the least bit interested in dating; I’d get CURIOUS! And curiosity is a total killer for me!
May 11, 2010 at 7:35 am, Barry said:
Liz, from the conversations we’ve had and other women I’ve spoken with, I’m endlessly amazed at how hard it seems to be to find a decent guy. I’m out of the dating scene, regardless a lot of this is just common sense. This is how I see it…
First a basic mastery of English is always nice. Someone who communicates in abbreviated words isn’t showing that he’d be any better at communicating over a dinner table, or any more interesting in person.
A little respect goes a long way. Treat her like a lady and get to know her first. Save the freaky stuff for later when she’s more comfortable with you. And keep the compliments genuine and reserved. Yeah you’d like to tell her how smokin’ hot she is, but sharing your thoughts of what you’d like to do to her on the hood of a car probably isn’t the best move intitially. Saying things like “You a fine bitch” won’t get you a second date either and is a sure way to get you dumped for the dog you are.
Think before you type. I can think of times I’ve started to write something to a woman (you included) where, even though the intent was in the right place, I’ve deleted what I was about to say. Things are easily misinterpreted and it’s best to play it safe. Especially between the sexes, and ESPECIALLY when you’re first getting to know someone.
Take time to get to know her. Never mind how hot your car is or how much cash you have in the bank, if she’s worth dating she’ll be as much or more appreciative that you’re taking GENUINE interest in her. Be sincere. If you feel the need to talk about your possessions you have very little substance of your own. She has her own shit and can take care of herself. She needs to know that you can too.
Be patient. Give her space to breathe and figure out what she wants from this, if anything.
There’s absolutely nothing in life I appreciate more than women. Yes they hold a certain mystery but really, it’s not rocket science.
May 21, 2010 at 12:40 am, Barry's Wife said:
Barry how many times have I told you to stop smooth talking anonymous ladies on the internets!!
The amazing part about it is he actually writes all this down with a quill and ink well, and sends it by carrier pigeon to fancy city types, who then type it all up for him.
May 23, 2010 at 6:05 am, Adventures In Gay Dating said:
I hate the people that pressure you to give them your phone number two minutes after the first contact. I talk to many people and I don’t like my phone number just floating around out there.
May 23, 2010 at 6:07 am, Adventures In Gay Dating said:
Another thing I hate is the people that say, “You’re so hot, why are you single ?”
June 15, 2010 at 9:13 am, Bob Monkhouse said:
These are useful tips, I’m sure. So, in return, I thought I’d point out that you spend your time drinking copious volumes of wine, rather than copious amounts. Sorry, I can’t help but make these observations known.