April 15th, 2010 by Liz
Step Out Of Your Dating Comfort Zone
We all have our standard answers to the question, “What is your ideal guy/girl like?” that we rattle off like a checklist, as we wonder WHERE OH WHERE IS THIS MAGICAL MAN and, subsequently, disregard any possible suitors who don’t possess every quality on our handy dandy checklist. We turn down dates, don’t respond to texts or emails and hold out for Prince (Or Princess) Charming. We limit ourselves because we have a list and we are sticking to it, damn it.
He should be tall, 6’1 would be ideal. Dark hair, light eyes. I’ve never had much luck with blonde men, so let’s count them out entirely, shall we? He must be in good shape, and have impeccable style. I want him to make me laugh when I am determined not to crack a smile, love red wine and know the difference between a Shiraz and Cabernet, have a schedule that meshes perfectly with mine, remember all of my friends’ names, birthdays and favorite foods, bring me to orgasm 3 times a day, make sure my car is always filled up with gas, basically does the right things, says the right things, always at the right times-as defined by me, of course and these “right things” are subject to change at any time, plus he should put up with my self-admitted moodiness and it would be awesome if he played the guitar or piano too, just because I think it’s sexy. OH, and he should be loyal, charismatic caring, kind…you get the point. This is the man-quivalent of my comfort zone.
What Happens When What We Say We Want Isn’t What We Really Need?
In my experience, nothing ever goes according to plan, and if it does, well, it’s kind of boring. Getting exactly what I want is great, don’t get me wrong-I like my Starbucks made a certain way, exactly the way I want it, my MAC configured to specifically fit my every need, and my steak better be medium rare or else it’s going back.
Try stepping outside your comfort zone, and give the girl who might not have the long hair you like so much but has a gorgeous smile a chance. That guy who doesn’t play the guitar and seems fairly shy? Give him a spin too. You may be surprised, and your life just may end up a lot more exciting.
April 15, 2010 at 10:29 am, The One Where I’m A Big Internet Whore. Or, Check Out These Links! | It's Unbeweavable! said:
[...] My first dating post! CHECK IT OUT…and be supportive? And by “supportive” I mean, subscribe. I love you. [...]
April 15, 2010 at 10:36 am, Lauren said:
You’re right on, girl. Sometimes, I think we all try to categorize and fit our “perfect man” inside a 2×2 box and say that’s it. Well, sometimes (and I think more often than now), we need to look outside our box. This doesn’t mean settling, but really getting in tune with our NEEDS and not just what we THINK we want.
Thanks for the post!
April 15, 2010 at 11:10 am, Lisa said:
Oh! Love this, Miss! Such a great post. Sometimes we think we know what we want, and we just…do not know until we find it. And are so very pleasantly surprised.
April 15, 2010 at 11:21 am, Carolina said:
“…When What We Say We Want Isn’t What We Really Need…”
That is my absolute favorite line of your post. I think so many people need to hear that…because unfortunately, so many people a) think they know what they want, but actually have no clue, and b) think they know what they want, but actually those things they want aren’t at all good for them.
I love this post for a number of reasons – but especially because your words are kind and encourage people to be better so that they can do better for themselves.
…not to get all cheesy or anything
All my best always,
Carolina
April 15, 2010 at 11:31 am, Danielle said:
You left your heart in London? We have even more to talk about then I thought!
Anyway, The only thing on my checklist that I never budge on is height! I am 5’10 flat footed and i LIVE in high heels. What am I going to do with at 5’8 man when I’m towering over him at 6 feet. Other then that…I also find myself finding some guy who is the complete opposite of what I think I want at that time. Sigh.
Out there somewhere is my 6’7 dark haired, blue eyed man with a super deep voice, a rockin’ bod (I’ve never been physically scooped up by a man and if he could make that happen he would make one of MY dreams come true!), a heart made of gold, and an uncanny ability to make me happy. OH – and his parents both adore me! ha!
April 15, 2010 at 11:44 am, Bella said:
I’m counting the innumerable ways that this makes perfect sense. I loved it babe… I’m so proud of you. And this “But love is not a skinny vanilla latte with a triple shot, and as much as I love my computer, it won’t hug me back.” is definitely quote-worthy! I suppose Prince So and So is out there somewhere… certainly holding my scalding hot non-fat, no whip, white chocolate mocha in his lusciously groomed hands. But then again, perhaps he’s holding something I’ve never tried… and that’s pretty damn exciting too. xxx
April 15, 2010 at 12:10 pm, Rasha said:
Oh my darling, each time I read someting of yours… I fall in love.
April 15, 2010 at 12:36 pm, hanako66 said:
he’s out there, i just know it!
April 15, 2010 at 1:47 pm, Kellie said:
Amen Luvah! This is so perfect! Men who are different than what we think we want often bring adventure and newness to our lives that we never even knew we wanted! Love this!
xoxo
April 15, 2010 at 1:49 pm, Siovhan said:
Never, in a millionty, billionty years did I think boyfriend would ever be “my type.” He didn’t fit the mold I had in my mind…but he fit right into the empty space in my heart.
I love this, lady and I love you.
April 15, 2010 at 2:49 pm, gabby said:
So. What you’re saying is that it’s unreasonable for me to hold out for ONLY Prince William? Hmm. I’ll have to think that over.
Great post! You have a way with the words.
April 15, 2010 at 3:16 pm, Kristin said:
The second I let go of my “ideal” I met the hubs! I finally gave a nice guy a chance and he turned out to be the one. KILLER post!
April 15, 2010 at 5:23 pm, Oughta Say said:
Awesome post as per usual. But I’m slightly biased, as you editor/juggling coach/soulmate/hetero life partner.
Keep making me proud, wear that crown!!!
April 15, 2010 at 6:14 pm, Meghan said:
This article is incredible for many reasons, mainly because it’s YOU, Liz:) And it’s oh-so-true. My ideal man used to be…gulp…a preppy frat jock with blonde hair and blue eyes. When I look at my auburn-haired, musical, creative hubby – well, I am SO happy I jumped off the keg stand and into hubby’s lap:)
April 16, 2010 at 9:27 am, Karin said:
Love it!!!
I’m the fortunate one that married her dream guy, tall, dark, handsome, loves wine, cooking, etc. etc. (gag, I know,) so I see the other side of the argument as well. I do believe that there is a “Mr. Right” for everyone out there.
But I also believe that you shouldn’t pick and choose your dates based on whether or not they fit your “check list.” Think outside the box. That blond guy in the corner with the goofy get up might just be prince charming…In the end, you have to marry the guy that makes you laugh. This guy has to be your best friend and confidant from now until your very last breath. So when you marry them, you know going into it that although you may want to castrate them one day, you also know you’ll come running back to one another because of your deep friendship and appreciation for all that characteristics that make him, “him.”
I love love.
April 16, 2010 at 10:12 am, Brooke said:
Dude, i married my 5’9″ blonde! (Well, light brown…?) LOVE the post. You amaze. So talented! XOXO
April 17, 2010 at 6:38 am, Magpie said:
I know I’m the exception rather than the rule, but I’ve never had a checklist. Maybe that’s because a checklist would be completely redundant; anyone I fall in love with is going to be an arbitrary choice. I fall for guys, girls, redheads, blondes and brunettes, skinny guys, built guys, girls with a great rack, girls with no rack… I’ve never had an ideal person in my head.
Luckily, an ideal person came along and knew exactly how to deal with me (miracle of miracles) so that I’d recognize him as special. I’m with him now and I couldn’t be happier.
And sometimes (most of the time), what I want isn’t what I need, but he somehow knows what I need and makes me see it, and that’s pretty fucking handy. I think I’ll keep him around!
April 17, 2010 at 7:57 am, Taylor said:
I love this, you’re exactly right. Trying out guys that don’t seem “perfect” at first can help you figure out exactly what perfect means for you.
If that makes sense.
xoxo
April 17, 2010 at 10:11 am, LA Idiot said:
Yes! Love this. Trying new things/people is a great way to live and find what you really want. Plus, we’re all not tall, dark and handsome. Some of us have to settle for 2 outta 3
April 17, 2010 at 4:51 pm, meredith said:
all so true, of course m’lady. i’m terrible about these lists and not meeting every point on the list feels like settling. gahhh, i’m so damn OCD.
April 18, 2010 at 7:03 pm, How To Be A Cuddleslut. | It's Unbeweavable! said:
[...] I’m not telling you to say yes to every. single. dude. that asks for your digits. But I’m telling you not to be super picky. A very wise (and sexy) young woman once said “Step out of your dating comfort zone.” [...]
April 18, 2010 at 11:20 pm, cynthia said:
this is all amazing advice getting out of your comfort zone can open the door to so many possibilities!! can’t wiat to read more!!