Lisa Copeland is a highly respected dating expert and coach for women over 50. In addition to being a blogger, author and speaker, Lisa offers one on one coaching for women who are struggling to find a quality man after 50. She took some time to answer our questions about all things mature dating and shared lots of dating tips for women over 50.
1. How is falling in love as a mature woman different than in your teens or twenties?
It’s a lot different. In your teens or twenties, you’re actually looking for a man who is going to create healthy, strong babies with you. So you look for the hot guy, the coolest guy, the most handsome guy. The problem is most women over 50 date that way. They don’t know any different. They start looking for men that are the hottest. The problem is, just because a man is handsome doesn’t mean he’s going to be there for you. The real thing is you want to get clear on the relationship you want with a man. Long term over 50, if you want someone for the rest of your life, you want to have someone in your life that can be a companion, a good companion, through the good times and the tough times.
2. What is the number one piece of advice you would give a mature, single woman who feels like she might not find love again?
I would say get on the dating sites or get out into the real world and start meeting men. And become friends with a lot of men. Most women are not around male energy enough. A guy may not be relationship material, but he can be a fantastic friend. Also, they’re really wonderful to run ideas by, these male friends. That would be my best piece of advice, to go out, to have fun dating and get some good male friends while you’re looking for Mr. Right.
3. Tell us about your books, workshops, courses for mature women.
I have a book on Amazon, it’s number one in its category for over fifties dating. It’s ‘The Winning Formula for Women Over 50.’ It gives a woman a great foundation for dating. I also have a fantastic membership course. I did this membership course for women who really couldn’t afford to work with me one on one but needed the information. Every month, they get a class that’s pre-recorded. They get an expert interview with some complementary area of dating that’s also pre-recorded, a Facebook community so they have a lot of TLC and hugs in between our classes, and then a Q and A live session with me so they can ask me their questions about dating. Most programs — at the price range this is at — most people don’t get that live access to a coach. But, I really wanted women to be able to take the information, use it, and to get their personal questions answered too.
I also do one-on-one coaching with people. I take your five biggest problems. We work with your five biggest problems and we get you some solutions so you can get out there and start finding quality men to date. I’ve had great success with this. I’ve gotten letters from women saying that they found the love of their life. Sometimes you just need some tweaking done to a bunch of different things to get you turned around. To find out about the membership site and the one-on-one coaching, you can go to www.findaqualityman.com/coaching and click on the coaching tab or hover over the coaching tab, and both programs will show up.
4. What should a mature woman always include in her online dating profile?
A mature woman should always have a profile that is fun and flirty. The purpose of a profile is just to get a man interested in your and to want to meet you. Most women post a profile as if they were looking for their next mate, which a lot of women do. The problem with that is a profile comes off as too long, too boring, too demanding. You can’t tell who someone is from a profile. So you should make your profile fun, flirty. Tell some type of story that a man can imagine himself in. Then, invite him to write you if it sounds like him.
5. What are three mistakes most single women make when dating?
Number one is they don’t give men a chance. If they aren’t the cutest, they pass them by. There are a lot of good men out there who are not the cutest. If you looked at your friends’ husbands, they’re not necessarily the cutest. But, they’re cute to you because you know their personality. So giving a nice man a chance is something that could turn out to be a great friend, or a boyfriend, or your next husband or permanent companion.
The second mistake most single women make is they don’t flirt with men, whether online or out in the real world. They didn’t learn how to flirt, so they don’t do that. Now, the best thing you can do just to get started is start making eye contact with men and smiling at men everywhere you are, no matter what age they are. That is a great start. It’s a little bit hard to keep that eye contact, but keep the eye contact and smile. It’s just a great way to start.
Number three is that women go on a date trying to get the résumé of the man to see if this is her next partner. The thing is you don’t know on a first date. I’ve had women say to me, “Oh my God, I know in five minutes whether he’s the one.” No you don’t. Most women and men are pretty nervous on the first date, which means you’re not coming across as your best self on that date. You want to go on a date just to have fun and just to meet someone new and interesting. It’s going to take the pressure off of having to make a decision. This is also how you make great male friends, because you’ll find people that are new and interesting, and those male friends, like I said before, can turn into really great boyfriends over time.
6. How do you know when you’re in love?
Well, a lot of people mistake lust for love. That’s when the chemical oxytocin gets involved. It creates this huge bonding for women. When women sleep with a man, they’re bonded with them. Often, up to two weeks they can feel that energy and that bonding. So a lot of women mistake this chemical reaction for love. As they sleep with a man over and over again, that oxytocin high, that chemical high, keeps happening. They keep wanting to have more sex and more bonding, and they feel more and more bonded. But, it’s the oxytocin high.
7. How do you know if you’re in love with a man?
It really takes time to see if you’re truly in love. But the bonding is the beginning of love, and that is why that chemical is released, so that you can feel close to someone. But ultimate love in a relationship takes time to work through. You want to see how that man you’re with treats people, how that man treats you. You want to have a friendship with a man. It’s a balance thing, because so many people love the idea of falling in love, and that is because it is a high to fall in love. It feels good. But sustainable love is not a high. Sustainable love is about, like I mentioned before, the friendship, the sexual side, the support that you give each other, the intimacy you have together. It’s a whole package.
To read more about Lisa’s journey to becoming a world renowned mature dating coach, check out her story here.