Get ready for the latest in “relationship” inventions. (Yes, I made that term up.) This isn’t a ring that will stop your man from cheating, but it’s kind of related. To be fair, if your man uses this product I’m about to talk about, then you might want to consider purchasing the ring.
Anyway, this one is actually for you gents! Get excited.
Are you tired of your wife or girlfriend nagging on you because you’re at the bar too late? Do you want to be free to golf with your friends, stop for a quick drink, or to fraternize with strippers and your secretary anytime you please?
Have you tried to make up excuses to tell your lady? You know, perfectly normal excuses like “I had to stay late at work” or “I had a flat tire”? But somehow she just doesn’t buy them?
It’s exhausting. Really. I feel for your bro(s). Well, tire and fret no more because I have found just the thing for you. It will save all your problems.
Alibis Fragrances. (Get it. Like an alibi. So much imagination in naming this product.)
What’s this product you speak of? Well, as the name would so cleverly suggest, it’s a fragrance (or cologne really) that provides you with an alibi. And how does it do that? Well, it smells of scents like the ocean breeze, burnt rubber, coffee, smoke, and ink.
That’s right. For about $40 you can now smell like “We were out sailing” or “I was working late” or “My car broke down”. No longer will you smell of strippers and cheap scotch. Now you’ll smell like any excuse you might have. Hooray! Loud, slow clap! Our lives are all saved!
Well, actually, it’s more like any excuse within those three categories. Better hope you don’t run out. Because I’m pretty sure you can’t use these every week or someone might catch on. And, you might want to be careful of the lipstick stains and glitter. Apparently there isn’t a solution for that yet. Maybe one is in the works!? I’m sure they’ll be the ones to do it.
Here’s the thing though. Do we think these would actually work? Because clearly no woman will ever notice this hidden in your bathroom drawer or your glove compartment.
And, let’s be real here for a minute. I would wager a guess that the normal guy could only use two of them at best. My fiancé actually couldn’t use any of them, so he’d be screwed (sorry honey). But, really, sailing. Who is going to buy that at 3am? Sure, you just randomly decided to go sailing after work on a Tuesday when we live nowhere near a body of water. Where did you even get a sailboat? Who do you even know that sails? Did you steal the boat? Are you on something?
And, I’m not even going to touch on the guys who would actually use this. There are some places you just shouldn’t go. But let’s just say maybe you should consider being in a relationship if you feel this is necessary.