Guys – we really do love you, but sometimes you say things without thinking. When it comes to women, there are certain no-go questions or topics that you should probably avoid. Here’s a guide to keeping yourself out of the doghouse.
1) My ex is awesome. She’s my best friend.
This is not something we want to hear. If we respond with: “Wow can’t wait to meet her! I’m sure we’ll all get on like a house on fire,” sarcasm is at work here.
2) Your sister/best friend is hot.
So is your Dad…
3) Are those fake?
This is never a good thing to ask. If they are fake, your girl might be offended it’s so obvious. If they’re not, she’ll wonder why you couldn’t come up with a better “compliment” than “are those fake?”
4) Oh, it must be your time of the month, that’s why you’re so moody.
If you ever use a woman’s hormones as an excuse to dismiss the reason she’s upset, she’s going to be even more angry. Top tip: never mention it.
5) Your course was £6.90 and your drink was £3.40 so that means you owe me…
Why are you doing this on a date? Be a gentleman. Never say the words: “you owe me…” If you want to split the bill, don’t dissect the menu, just go halves.
6) My Mum has never approved of any of my girlfriends…I always listen to her.
Yes, people do say: “Mums are always right…” but seriously, you’re telling us this? At least give the girls you date a chance, rather than making us immediately assume we’re dealing with “Monster-in-law”.
7) I broke up with my girlfriend last week…we’re sort of on a break.
8) You’ve put on a few pounds…but I love curvy girls.
Why don’t you just say “you’re looking fat” instead?
9) Are you wearing that out?
No, I just put it on to parade around the house. Never ask this.
10) You remind me of my ex.
You and your ex are over. So it clearly didn’t work out. We don’t want to be compared to her.
11) Stop being a baby…
Never patronise a crying girl.
12) “A different woman’s name.”
If you call a girl “Sandra” instead of “Sarah”, it’s not going to last very long.
13) We were on a break!
A Friends classic, made famous by Ross and Rachel. If you’ve got with another girl, sadly this line is never going to help diffuse the situation.
14) You shouldn’t eat that.
You shouldn’t say that.
15) You’re terrible at driving.
Even if we are, don’t highlight it. We’re probably unconfident enough without your sarcastic jibes.
16) This is good, but it doesn’t taste as good as my Mum’s cooking.
Why say this? It’s not going to make us feel good. At least humour us.
17) I’m not really a commitment type of guy.
So why exactly are we on this date?
18) Chin up…
If something has upset us, don’t ever say this.
19) No offence but…
This sentence is going to offend…
20) You look fine…
Fine? Fine? This word is so lifeless. How about pretty? Beautiful? Great? Amazing?
21) Your body is completely the opposite of my ex.
If you’ve started this sentence, it’s bad enough. We’ll automatically assume your ex was a size zero and you’re saying we’re fat.
22) It was only a kiss…
That’s not an excuse for cheating.
23) Shouldn’t you be getting that in a size large rather than a small?
24) I hate putting labels on things like “girlfriend” and boyfriend”.
This really is a translation that you’re never going to commit.
25) I’ve cheated but it was only once.
What’s next? “I’ve lied but only once.”
So boys, now you know exactly what not to say. Remember these tips and you’ll be a pro at keeping on the good side of your lady.
Image via Gideon on Flickr.