Dating & Relationship Blog

May 13th, 2014 by Elizabeth Marie

This Is The Number One Thing Holding You Back From Finding Love

Lying in bed dog in forground   Original Filename: 83815952.jpg
There is a raging epidemic running rampant among singles, and chances are you’ve been hit with it at some point, too. It’s called “The Upgrade Problem”, and basically…this is why we can’t have nice things, you guys!

With the rise in popularity of online dating sites and dating apps like Tinder, singles have been totally spoiled with way too many options right in the palm of their hands. Why commit to someone when there might be someone “better” right around the corner? So instead, you keep scrolling, and emailing, and texting, and moving on to the next person, all without ever really becoming invested in anyone. Suddenly, you’ve been dating for five years…and single for just as many. Coincidence? I think not. When you’re on a constant quest to find an upgrade, you don’t give yourself the opportunity to appreciate and nurturewhat you have right in front of you. Dating has become too easy and convenient, but ultimately all of this ease and convenience is actually holding you back from finding true love.

Is a guy not responding to your email or text message fast enough? Forget him, there are ten other men online right now who want to meet you! Afraid the girl you’re dating is getting a little too clingy? Time to fire up your online dating profile again-you didn’t dare delete it! While there is nothing wrong with wanting to find the perfect person, it’s important to remember that perfection is a myth and this constant quest to find the next best thing will only end in loneliness, because where does it end? So how do you strike a balance between refusing to settle and not falling victim to the Upgrade Problem? Here are a few tips.

Get Off-Line
Online Dating is a lot of smoke and mirrors, and in a day and age where most people are photo-shopping their profile pictures, it’s easy to get a distorted view of reality. This is why it’s crucial to spend time with a potential match face to face. Until you get together in real life, you aren’t getting the complete picture. A profile full of edited photos and carefully crafted one-liners isn’t enough to base a judgement on. When I say spend time, I mean more than just a fifteen minute coffee date, too! Instead of approaching a date with the goal to see if they live up to your standards or not, try to really get to know him or her. It would be great if you could tell after a drink or two if you’ve met a match, but allow the relationship time to develop before you discard their number, telling your friends you had “zero chemistry”. In my opinion, unless it’s a terrible first date, there should always be a second date. Give it a chance.

Don’t Lie To Yourself
The greatest thing about the rise in online dating is that there is seriously a dating site for everyone. No matter what type of relationship (or lack thereof) that you’re looking for, there is a place to find it online. So if you aren’t ready for a serious commitment and are hoping to find something more casual, don’t waste your time (and everyone else’s) on a traditional dating site. Find a site more geared towards casual dating, like No Strings Dating for example. Win, win, everyone is happy.

Get It Together
It’s tough love time, friends. If you’re a serial online dater, addicted to the rush and challenge of finding the Next Best Thing, you are going to end up single. Nobody will ever be able to live up to your expectations-real life is messy, imperfect and there are no filters-and since the internet isn’t going away anytime soon, there will always be a plethora of options on the next page to distract you. It’s up to you to decide that the idea of a real-life lasting relationship and the things that come along with it, both good and bad, is more attractive than an online dating in-box full of options that may or may not ever pan out.

Ultimately, it will be time for you to Upgrade yourself to the love, security and realness of a committed relationship, because come on, going on one first date after another isn’t really an upgrade…and eventually, it will become a total downgrade.

Have you ever experienced the Upgrade Problem?

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Liz

Liz is We Love Dates social media manager. A former marketing account executive in the fashion industry, a bad breakup spurred Liz to start her first blog 5 years ago and she has been happily over-sharing with anyone who will read ever since. Obsessed with all things dating, love and tech, Liz has been referred to as the brunette Carrie Bradshaw on more than one occasion. If it's a day that ends in "Y", most likely you will find Liz furiously typing away on her laptop with a huge espresso nearby. Or two. Follow her every thought on Twitter and Google+.

2 Responses to “This Is The Number One Thing Holding You Back From Finding Love”

  1. May 13, 2014 at 1:13 pm, Divorced Kat said:

    I think this is a really interesting point, which is why I don’t go on dating sites for more than a few weeks at a time. I also am not down with endless email/texting. We have to meet in person to know if there’s a connection, and that’s that.

    Reply

  2. May 17, 2014 at 1:59 am, Happy again said:

    I’ve been saying this for years. Ppl don’t put effort into dating/relationships anymore because, heck, there’s an online sure that can just let me find someone else. But, by the end of it, you’re back to square one dealing with SPS again (Single Pillow Syndrome). I’m so happy I’m out of the Tinder game #wasteoftime

    Reply

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