May 5th, 2014 by Jess Downey
Be Creep Free With the Ms. Taken Ring
So, I just found out that someone made a ring so your man can’t cheat. Well, it seems only fitting that I would also discover that someone has decided to make an entire business out of helping women pretend to be committed. Seriously, where do people get these ideas?
Ladies, for a mere $14.95 you can get a little thing called the Ms. Taken ring (wow clever title). Apparently if you want to keep a guy from hitting on you, all you have to do is just slip this little ring on your finger and they won’t even bother (since, you know, you appear to be taken).
If that doesn’t grab your attention, they even throw in a set of “playaz cards to help you spot unsuitable suitors.” Phew, you’re not only giving me a way to stop the creepers, but also a way to spot the creepers. Amazing! Brilliant! Life changing. My Saturday night has been saved! Thank you so much!
And, if you’re not that worried about being hit on, you can also use the ring for reunions or when you visit your grandmother. Because, you know, nothing is more tragic than showing up some place and telling someone you’re single. Oh the horror! Clearly this is a must have ladies.
I can’t help but wonder about a few things though.
1. Who needs to buy a Ms. Taken ring? I mean, don’t most stores have fake rings that could appear to be an engagement ring? When I was younger, we just went to K-Mart. Is that not good enough anymore?
2. Why can’t women simply just tell a guy that she is not interested? Perhaps you could even just walk away when a guy you aren’t interested in approaches you. I know, I know that is a totally crazy idea, but I’m just throwing it out there.
3. Does this ring have some kind of magical powers? If we’re talking about some of the creepy guys here, since when do they care if you’re single or taken? Most of the guys that you’re trying to fend off are the kind of guys who would be attracted at the thought of landing an engaged gal.
4. What will poor nana do when she never actually meets the guy that you are engaged to? Even better what are you going to do when she starts asking you about wedding plans? Pretty sure you just created a much larger problem for yourself.
5. What happens when the really cute guy who you want to hit on you sits next to you while you’re wearing the Ms. Taken Ring? Do you take it off? Because clearly that would go over well. That won’t make you look sleazy at all.
So, thanks but no thanks Ms. Taken. I think we can all handles the creepers ourselves (and agree that our $14.95 can be spent on better things).