April 21st, 2014 by Jess Downey
Questions to Avoid: What Do You Do For Fun?
Through all my years of dating, I’ve obviously had a number of first encounters with guys. You know, online, speed dating, first dates, etc. And, with all of those first encounters come a lot of questions in order to get to know each other. Some of those questions are fantastic and it makes sense to answer them no matter how many times you get asked. But there were a few that I never really understood (I actually found them downright pointless).
The most common was: what do you do for fun?
Now, I can openly admit that a lot of people are probably thinking that’s a little crazy. I mean, why should anyone throw a fit about something as little as that? Doesn’t it actually show that a guy is interested in you? And, sure, I guess in some ways it does. After all, the question does seem harmless. If you want to get to know someone, you’ll obviously want to know what makes them happy in their spare time, right? So I don’t really have an issue with the concept itself. It’s just that the actual question is, well, frankly it’s a little generic. It’s tired and boring really.Here’s why:
People will tell you who they are if you just listen.
You’ll learn the things people like by getting to know them. Plain and simple. You don’t necessarily need someone to list out everything that suits their fancy. Spend time with them, have conversations with them and you’ll surely find out what they enjoy.
It’s really hard to actually list all the things you do for fun
Honestly, I just find it complicated to list out everything I liked to do. For me personally, so much of what I do depends on my mood. On any given weekend you’re likely to find me crafting, planning my wedding, or drinking at my local watering hole. But that doesn’t mean those are the only things I enjoy. I also like museums and movies. I like sports too. I love just wandering the city. I’m also almost always open to suggestions so listing things just seems a little confining to me.
People aren’t always self-aware.
It’s not that people necessarily lie about themselves, but it’s more that they just aren’t aware of how much they really like to do (or not do) something. It’s also really easy to hear something someone else likes and think you could like that too so you say you like it too. And, of course, it’s easy to want to agree with someone just so they’ll like you. Again, this is why it’s better to see what a person likes for yourself.
It’s hard to sound creative and original
I don’t necessarily consider myself a typical gal, but I am a creature of habit. I tend to do the same things because those are the options that are available and it’s just what I’m used to. I also think most of my hobbies and interests are pretty common for a 30-something. Needless to say I think it’s hard to sound like a really interesting person when I’m listing off the same things that 12 other gals would probably list off. And I’m not saying every guy needs someone who is ultra-daring and out of the box, but it’s still nice to know that you have things that set you apart. So, next time you’re hanging with someone new, try avoiding this question. Instead, pay attention to things they say, things they do, and things they talk about. Then see if you think you get just as great of an understanding of what they like to do for fun. (I’d wager a guess that it will be even better).