Women are confusing. We say one thing but mean another. I’m sorry guys, but the rumours are true – we really do speak in code a lot of the time. It’s a code that other women understand perfectly, but men frequently struggle to decipher. To help you out, here’s a list of things women say and the truth about what we really mean.
1) We need to talk: I’m annoyed with you. You’re in trouble…
2) I’m fine: I’m really not fine. I’m obviously upset, how have you not noticed?
3) Nothing’s wrong: Something is wrong. Don’t ask. Just work it out…fast. Can you seriously not remember what you did?
4)Do you think I need to go to the gym?: Be careful here, this isn’t really a question, it’s a request for a compliment. As a general tip, think of the first Bruno Mars lyric that comes to mind (preferably “you’re amazing, just the way you are”).
5) I’ll be ready in ten minutes: There’s no chance I’ll be ready in ten minutes. My ten minutes is different to your ten minutes. I’ll be ready in at least forty-five minutes, if you’re lucky. Don’t rush me. Your should know this by now.
6) Don’t worry about it, I’ll do it myself: If you don’t help me and leave me to do this by myself, you’re in the doghouse. I’ve probably asked you to do something more than once and now I have to do it myself. Not cool…
7) Of course I’m not mad at you: Of course I’m mad at you, fool.
8) Do you think that girl over there is pretty?: Even if you think that girl over there is pretty, this is your opportunity to deny it, say you didn’t notice her and reassure me that I’m prettier.
9) You’re such a good friend: You’re never going to be more than my friend and you’re definitely in the friendzone. If I liked you, you’d know about it, so don’t bother asking.
10) Ok, leave then: Don’t leave. Let’s sort this out. If you walk away from this argument, I’m not going to be able to think about anything else until we’ve made up.
11) When a woman starts crying: Give me a hug. I may be happy or I may be sad, but a hug is the solution.
12) I’m really not bothered about presents: Surprise me (and it better be a good one).
13) It’s not you, it’s me: It’s definitely you.
14) Do you like my hair better this length or before I cut it?: It’s irreversible, so your answer better be the right one or I’ll be upset.
15) Wow! That’s such a pretty necklace (pointing at the jeweller’s window): Nudge, nudge, hint, hint, wink, wink. It’s my birthday soon…that’ll look lovely around my neck.
16) Let’s go halves for dinner: Sure, I’m willing to split the bill, but if you insist on paying, I’ll be impressed and think you’re such a gentleman. If you let me pay the full bill on our first date – screw you!
17) Does my bum looks big in this?: I’m asking you this question so that you answer “no” and flatter me. I’m not looking for fashion advice. If you answer yes, I’ll probably be moody with you the whole night.
18) Do you like my family?: Say something nice about my family.
19) No of course I don’t mind if you cancel our date night and go out with your friends instead: We had plans. I’m not going to forget this – ever!
20) I’ve got a headache: Tread carefully, don’t annoy me. Some chocolate would be nice.
21) I think I’ll just have a salad: You order the fries so I can steal some from your plate and then not feel bad about ordering them myself.
22) I don’t want a boyfriend right now: I don’t want you as my boyfriend.
23) Are you wearing that? Don’t wear that.
24) Are you telling me the truth?: You’re lying to me. I’m a woman, I can sense it.
25) I don’t remember how much it was: It costs an absolute fortune, so I’m going to pretend I don’t remember the price.
So there you have it – twenty-five examples of the complexities of womankind. Confused? Perhaps women should come with a manual? Sometimes we do mean what we say, whilst other times we mean the complete opposite and expect you to be able to tell the difference.
Why do we do it? Well perhaps it’s because we have a tendency to take an emotional approach rather than a logical approach. We also happen to be experts at reading between the lines and picking up on things that aren’t said, so we automatically assume men can do this too. If in doubt, just try to read our body language and listen to our tone of voice to understand how we’re truly feeling. Good luck!