March 31st, 2014 by Elizabeth Davis
Mature Dating: Turning Strangers Into Dates
When you spot a cute guy in a coffee shop, do you hope he walks up to you and ask you questions about the weather? Have you ever found yourself hunched over your phone all night in the corner at a wedding reception? Are you always trying to summon up the fierceness to talk to the gorgeous guy who makes your hot cappuccinos at the local coffee shop in your area?
Small talk is a crucial part of social interaction, and as far as the basics of good conversation goes, making small talk with cute strangers is a good way of finding out if they would be interested in going out with you or not. Small talk is like a little preparation before you jump into a deeper level of communication with another person.
If you find yourself always regretting about not saying “Hello” to the charming guy standing next to you at the train station, then it is high time that you start learning the art of doing small talk.
How do you approach a cute stranger without looking like a total psycho?
Make Friendly Noises
Ask a question or simply say something based on what you are both experiencing or seeing. This is basically making a simple observation based on your mutual shared reality. This serves as your opener or anchor to a much-deeper conversation later on, so you have to make sure that your first question or statement is neutral and uncomplicated.
This weather is wonderful.
The wedding emcee is really funny.
I really like the interior design of this coffee shop.
Most of the time, your openers are usually not completely meaningful since it is just a way to maneuver into a real conversation. Hence, you do not have to worry too much about the first thing that you are going to say to someone you just met. Make sure that you do not immediately delve into dropping comments about their attractiveness since that would be really awkward and stalker-ish.
Open Up a Little
Once you have established that you are having the same observations about your shared reality, then next thing that you should do is to push the conversation a little further. Find a way to keep the conversation going by asking a follow-up question or by simply opening up a little about yourself based on the opener you just gave.
This weather is perfect for walking in the park.
I like the fact that he does not have to resort to rude jokes to make us laugh.
What do you love about this café aside from its interior?
By asking a follow-up question or voicing out another simple observation, you are giving them an opportunity to respond, and in turn leading to a real conversation. Once the other person answers your question or responds to your comment, you will have a better idea if he or she wants to keep talking to you. The key to every successful small talk is to be pleasantly aggressive. This means that you have to be persistently interesting into engaging the other person into a conversation without being annoying.
Make Happy Small Talk
Talking to someone in a positive and upbeat way makes the awkwardness go away since the other person can tell that you are happy speaking to him or her. Moreover, when you are chatting with someone in a positive way, you make them feel better and secured knowing that you are not out there to ruin their day.
When making small talk, you also need to pick carefully who you want to talk to. You do not just walk up to every cute guy or make small talk to all the hot girls you see. Find someone who is approachable, who is not busy typing on their smartphones, and who does not look like he or she will claw your face when you open your mouth to talk.
One thing to bear in mind when doing small talk with a handsome stranger or a pretty lady is to give them the chance to express their interest in you. Remember that the goal is not to immediately invite them out on a date.
You need to test the waters first, and if you feel that you share the same interests, and they are more than willing to keep communicating with you, then you have a clear shot of asking him or her out for coffee or even a friendly dinner.
What other small talk tips can you add or have tried? Share them in the comment box below.