10 Things Girls Can’t Stand About Your Online Dating Profile

By: Kevin Murray |

Last week we took look at the women — now it’s time for the guys to get ripped apart. Some of these problem areas between the two sexes overlap, but there’s usually a unique twist. Women are more deliberate when scanning profiles; they’ll eliminate men for a minor typo or misspelling. Typically he’s already contact her, signaling there’s interest. So a lot of their time is spent analyzing which male suitor is worthy of getting a reply. Here are few reasons why she might not feel you’re up to par.

Hi my name is. Do usernames really matter? You bet your ass they do. The username doesn’t have to be the wittiest creation you’ve ever come up with – it just can’t include things that will turn women off. Likes2Cuddle, NiceHappyGuy14 and LaydiesMan69 will definitely provide some solid chick repellent.

Shirtless photo. Oooooh look at you, you’re in shape! You might be able to slide in an occasion beach photo, but try to refrain from any pictures with your clothes off. Women have zero interest in communicating with half naked bros showing abs off in a bathroom mirror.

Mentions of sex, cuddling or massages. Clean it up, men. There’s no need to tell them how much sexual chemistry is important to you – pretty sure that shit is implied since we’re all horny pigs.

Size does matter. It’s expected to add a one maybe two inches to your height, especially if you’re in the dreaded 5’6” to 5’9” range. However, if you’re communicating with a women that’s clearly going to notice you’re the same height or shorter than her – it’s best to be up front about it. Don’t be that dickhead who waddles in like an Oompa Loompa, shocking your high-heeled wearing date.


Look at me, I’m good with kids. Chicks don’t want to see men holding their buddies kid.  They want to know you can provide, make them laugh and that you’re someone they can trust. Forcing in a picture with a cute three year-old that’s not yours proves nothing – you’re not fooling anyone.

Let me take a selfie. No, don’t. Really. Men should never have any selfies in their profiles — it’s impossible for us to look cool — at times we look downright horrible. (I actually came across this guy while searching for one of our female clients. Blurred out his face cause I’m a nice guy like that. You have admire how he gives zero fucks whether or not women will find this funny.)

toilet selfie

Physical appearance. Today’s culture has made women self-conscious enough about their appearance. They don’t need some guy they’ve never met telling them what the shape of their bodies should look like. Keep the hourglass, Barbie doll silhouette fantasy to yourselves and out of your profiles.

Showing off prize possessions. She doesn’t care about your car, truck or boat. If you want a site where women just want you for your prized possessions try Millionaire Match – they legit ask what kind of car you drive.

No hunting.


Ah, nothing says “there’s my next husband” like a dead deer and a 12 gauge shotgun. I bet she’s day dreaming about where to mount that thing. Save the “I kill Bambi for a sport” convo until a later date.

Too many emoticons. I know it’s tempting, but don’t fall into this trap. Putting smiley faces all over your profile makes you come off as a soft little bitch – you’re not a little bitch, right? Man up and get that crap off your profile.  Save the emoticons for texting, Casanova.

Good luck men. You’ve been warned!