March 7th, 2014 by Len Cruz

How to Spot Online Dating Liars

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There’s no denying the success rate of online dating. One study even concluded that couples whose love blossomed through online dating have a higher success in marriages than those who don’t. That’s a pretty impressive data to solidify the purpose of this platform.

Speaking of success, there is one other thing that we wish some online daters shouldn’t be successful at: lying.

It’s not a big surprise that some of people lie on their dating profile. People lie about their age, income, job, weight, marital status, and even gender. Some would be quick to defend that these are nothing but mere white lies. There’s still the world “lie” attach to it, right? A liar is a liar is a liar…period.

Fibs are not exclusive to the world of online dating. It is rampant all over the internet. Why do people do it? Is it because it’s easier to lie online? They do it simply because it is their nature. Where and how they do it doesn’t matter much to them.

De Omnibus Dubitandum (doubt everything) should be your mantra because deceit is a very serious matter. None of us wants that to be the foundation on which a relationship flourished.

So, can you protect yourself from online dating fabulists? YES! Here are ways to know if who you’re being fooled:

Video chat

So your guy claims that his friends say that he’s a fine mix of Ryan Gosling and James Dean with a fleck of David Gandy’s F-U appeal? Wow! Solution: Video chat or he’s not all that.

A face-to-face chat can help you look for specific cues that will give a liar away. It is called a ‘motivational impairment effect’. Non-verbal fibbing cues such as gaze direction (avoids eye contact), gestures (hands touching mouth, throat and face or adjusting a shirt), body language, limited expression (you can only see the expression in one’s mouth, not the whole face), and showing weird emotions (smiling while talking about a terrible break-up).

It is extremely difficult to conceal these due to spontaneity. It takes a lot of brain power to lie, and this makes liars lose control of the rest hence the non-verbal cues.

Verbal cues

Deviating from the topic (distancing language), answering a question in a delayed manner, repeating the question asked (stalling), answering a question with another question, highly complex sentences, and giving you tons of compliments after the answer are red flags.

For example, if you ask him, “How old are you? So you’re born in 19…?” Pause. Computing. Bingo!

Him: “Uhm, 1971. That dress your wearing on your profile photo brings out the color of your eyes perfectly. I love it. Is that your favorite color?”

Profile photo

A long shot photo is a red flag as well as slightly blurred or noisy images. If you have a hard time detecting his/her facial features, be worried. Throwback photos are also questionable – if she states that her age is 45 on her dating profile but she appears to be in her early 20’s in the photo.

Enhanced photos are quite common as well. When in doubt, invite him to video chat with you or use FotoForensics. It will tell you if the photo has been digitally altered. You can also check if the profile photo is really him or if it’s grabbed from a site via Google Goggles.

Check out for consistency

Ask them about the things they wrote on their online dating profile. Ask lots of questions. If he is having a hard time putting two and two together, chances are, he is lying. If a person claims to be London-born but has a strong foreign accent or he takes pride on his academic achievements and PhD but consistently makes spelling mistakes are just some of the ways to know.

Cryptic and awry dating profile descriptions

Does his/her profile make you want to seek the help of a seer to decipher? If the description is too vague, he’s most probably hiding something. Be observant of how he describes his physical appearance in terms of numbers. See if there is a big difference between his photo and the height and weight he stated. It is sometimes the little things that will give them away.

Len

Len is the delusional brains behind the lifestyle, parenting, and fashion site: www.themommist.com. She believes that words are meaningless unless they are used for the good kind of change.

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